Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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