dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I will die if light touches me.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Where is the hickey?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just pynch a tree in the face
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
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