My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Is that why you're texting me
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So how was he last night?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
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