About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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