Texts From Last Night

lindsey11213's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied. http://tfl.nu/wnhg
  Replies (13) Good night (4104) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters http://tfl.nu/r1et
  Replies (20) Good night (3727) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof. http://tfl.nu/pdha
  Replies (11) Good night (2299) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella. http://tfl.nu/lhln
  Replies (10) Good night (3364) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw! http://tfl.nu/e9vz
  Replies (13) Good night (2998) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (109) Good night (36354) Bad night (2650)
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won. http://tfl.nu/nmjn
  Replies (20) Good night (2710) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes http://tfl.nu/ayyp
  Replies (29) Good night (3727) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco. http://tfl.nu/49kl
  Replies (7) Good night (3812) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon. http://tfl.nu/7cpz
  Replies (56) Good night (8101) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles' (301): Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar.. http://tfl.nu/a4j3
  Replies (42) Good night (803) Bad night (5083)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster. http://tfl.nu/3vkx
  Replies (22) Good night (3869) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Two?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two. http://tfl.nu/opzf
  Replies (253) Good night (3186) Bad night (75927)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played http://tfl.nu/8t1m
  Replies (7) Good night (1484) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked

  (708): View more from Illinois

  so?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked (708): so? (630): then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas http://tfl.nu/17ue
  Replies (18) Good night (4241) Bad night (411)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine. http://tfl.nu/djyf
  Replies (24) Good night (2688) Bad night (1341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur http://tfl.nu/llqd
  Replies (8) Good night (4209) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  is that a poem?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls (763): is that a poem?! http://tfl.nu/h29o
  Replies (55) Good night (6790) Bad night (1382)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks http://tfl.nu/m24y
  Replies (6) Good night (2452) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  it is a toga and you are a goddess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted (1-615): it is a toga and you are a goddess. http://tfl.nu/2t04
  Replies (15) Good night (4362) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working. http://tfl.nu/9caj
  Replies (8) Good night (4171) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door (865): and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice http://tfl.nu/lffl
  Replies (23) Good night (7149) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that" http://tfl.nu/9edj
  Replies (15) Good night (5751) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.

  (972): View more from Texas

  I worry about you sometimes...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT. (972): I worry about you sometimes... http://tfl.nu/k7ay
  Replies (22) Good night (4800) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  That was the greatest thing i have ever read.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping. (314): That was the greatest thing i have ever read. http://tfl.nu/0exi
  Replies (33) Good night (6270) Bad night (1390)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS. http://tfl.nu/7vfy
  Replies (10) Good night (9123) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia! http://tfl.nu/lfqp
  Replies (81) Good night (3095) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town. http://tfl.nu/omo7
  Replies (14) Good night (5805) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt? http://tfl.nu/qj8s
  Replies (46) Good night (5191) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeeah thank god

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant... (1-816): Yeeah thank god (816): Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million. http://tfl.nu/pevw
  Replies (54) Good night (1686) Bad night (14820)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce (1-402): IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE. http://tfl.nu/loe7
  Replies (105) Good night (12352) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up http://tfl.nu/zoaj
  Replies (26) Good night (776) Bad night (2635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought. http://tfl.nu/msp2
  Replies (20) Good night (501) Bad night (1980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well. http://tfl.nu/h56s
  Replies (8) Good night (5129) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed http://tfl.nu/38z7
  Replies (25) Good night (10044) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here. http://tfl.nu/yssz
  Replies (19) Good night (3250) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins. http://tfl.nu/k74l
  Replies (8) Good night (2219) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Are you pooping in the stall next to me?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Maybe....

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Are you pooping in the stall next to me? (404): Maybe.... (540): Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts. http://tfl.nu/wph3
  Replies (82) Good night (3990) Bad night (4789)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police

  (616): View more from Michigan

  What?!?

  (810): View more from Michigan

  What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police (616): What?!? (810): What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police http://tfl.nu/unre
  Replies (20) Good night (4209) Bad night (474)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  What's this douchebags name?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Rob...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!" (973): What's this douchebags name? (908): Rob... http://tfl.nu/raez
  Replies (67) Good night (7312) Bad night (3486)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear. http://tfl.nu/2r4l
  Replies (18) Good night (7320) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right. http://tfl.nu/x0n7
  Replies (6) Good night (3197) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/igis
  Replies (6) Good night (1032) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT http://tfl.nu/ci1u
  Replies (17) Good night (5372) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars. http://tfl.nu/v0mr
  Replies (29) Good night (743) Bad night (2698)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had. http://tfl.nu/opb7
  Replies (54) Good night (9512) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence. http://tfl.nu/tuvm
  Replies (15) Good night (3826) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now. http://tfl.nu/1qen
  Replies (9) Good night (2420) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major http://tfl.nu/y5g5
  Replies (18) Good night (1087) Bad night (5113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM" http://tfl.nu/3pco
  Replies (26) Good night (1409) Bad night (7077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT. http://tfl.nu/s1v1
  Replies (70) Good night (4379) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people http://tfl.nu/ib6w
  Replies (23) Good night (3514) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way. http://tfl.nu/3diq
  Replies (49) Good night (3182) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction. http://tfl.nu/bt6f
  Replies (54) Good night (414) Bad night (4013)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar http://tfl.nu/twn7
  Replies (23) Good night (2312) Bad night (1546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0
  Replies (35) Good night (11608) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people. http://tfl.nu/iaht
  Replies (12) Good night (12537) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german.... http://tfl.nu/l2d8
  Replies (41) Good night (12329) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven http://tfl.nu/9auj
  Replies (32) Good night (12432) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick http://tfl.nu/778x
  Replies (69) Good night (13668) Bad night (3306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (57) Good night (13969) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog

  (716): View more from New York

  do you not see the irony in that??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog (716): do you not see the irony in that?? http://tfl.nu/h8wi
  Replies (72) Good night (15134) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest. http://tfl.nu/ndz5
  Replies (52) Good night (15299) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
  Replies (26) Good night (15626) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ivw8
  Replies (32) Good night (16566) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors http://tfl.nu/9psa
  Replies (65) Good night (15740) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You mean bread?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast? (404): You mean bread? http://tfl.nu/0bp8
  Replies (60) Good night (16100) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England http://tfl.nu/wgnu
  Replies (62) Good night (15914) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name. http://tfl.nu/s3qy
  Replies (52) Good night (16298) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (29) Good night (16810) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  and I must say, you were very persuasive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight. (303): and I must say, you were very persuasive http://tfl.nu/e18p
  Replies (74) Good night (17137) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...

  (917): View more from New York City

  no it doesn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere. (720): ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning... (917): no it doesn't. http://tfl.nu/6x89
  Replies (34) Good night (17258) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  doooooooo herrrrrrrrr

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm out of practice. be my yoda

  (314): View more from Missouri

  put your penis in her you must.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): doooooooo herrrrrrrrr (504): I'm out of practice. be my yoda (314): put your penis in her you must. http://tfl.nu/ti1e
  Replies (58) Good night (17049) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian? (1-260): what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing http://tfl.nu/axih
  Replies (50) Good night (17083) Bad night (848)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (48) Good night (16987) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker" http://tfl.nu/30jj
  Replies (44) Good night (17197) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy" http://tfl.nu/zdbd
  Replies (51) Good night (17048) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Walk of Shame time yet?

  (1+44): View more from

  Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Walk of Shame time yet? (1+44): Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling? http://tfl.nu/qcn9
  Replies (44) Good night (17440) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean? http://tfl.nu/84o9
  Replies (105) Good night (18160) Bad night (1388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth. http://tfl.nu/tax7
  Replies (70) Good night (18370) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
  Replies (30) Good night (18887) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks. http://tfl.nu/8eyu
  Replies (45) Good night (18502) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you http://tfl.nu/8puo
  Replies (38) Good night (18746) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass. http://tfl.nu/xi9h
  Replies (61) Good night (19564) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  You weighed it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car? (1-817): You weighed it? http://tfl.nu/lai6
  Replies (37) Good night (21004) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (50) Good night (23039) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then? (636): Yup. (314): Yup. http://tfl.nu/bp2u
  Replies (70) Good night (23404) Bad night (1429)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute http://tfl.nu/00es
  Replies (33) Good night (23531) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love http://tfl.nu/13ff
  Replies (78) Good night (24671) Bad night (2676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you." http://tfl.nu/7a3m
  Replies (55) Good night (25109) Bad night (1926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.' http://tfl.nu/vhcz
  Replies (5) Good night (2268) Bad night (1269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood. http://tfl.nu/4fl8
  Replies (7) Good night (1796) Bad night (1527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/kcmo
  Replies (16) Good night (947) Bad night (3002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz http://tfl.nu/2w6v
  Replies (18) Good night (2575) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried. http://tfl.nu/p6ag
  Replies (13) Good night (2222) Bad night (4175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood http://tfl.nu/dhuu
  Replies (113) Good night (801) Bad night (6000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I thought spray tan was a myth

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  ?

  (206): View more from Washington

  You know, something that only happens in Jersey

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I thought spray tan was a myth (1-206): ? (206): You know, something that only happens in Jersey http://tfl.nu/gplq
  Replies (48) Good night (2456) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember. http://tfl.nu/ugc6
  Replies (8) Good night (2426) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.

  (786): View more from Florida

  How high are you right now..

  (305): View more from Florida

  I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind. (786): How high are you right now.. (305): I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT. http://tfl.nu/q5i7
  Replies (29) Good night (9723) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose. http://tfl.nu/x4bb
  Replies (38) Good night (902) Bad night (8726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet. http://tfl.nu/znp0
  Replies (48) Good night (9968) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this" http://tfl.nu/lsrz
  Replies (17) Good night (3820) Bad night (1217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed. http://tfl.nu/ikx6
  Replies (21) Good night (5553) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off. http://tfl.nu/q67j
  Replies (8) Good night (3505) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit. http://tfl.nu/92kz
  Replies (21) Good night (5087) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed. http://tfl.nu/z9qp
  Replies (7) Good night (2388) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen." http://tfl.nu/2yxx
  Replies (11) Good night (3700) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion. http://tfl.nu/easp
  Replies (10) Good night (4588) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life http://tfl.nu/pypl
  Replies (13) Good night (2412) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My vibrator challenges you to a duel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): My vibrator challenges you to a duel. http://tfl.nu/fz14
  Replies (17) Good night (3549) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT? http://tfl.nu/wczu
  Replies (17) Good night (2267) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES. http://tfl.nu/638m
  Replies (15) Good night (2551) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from. http://tfl.nu/zs5p
  Replies (8) Good night (515) Bad night (1890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever http://tfl.nu/l0sc
  Replies (7) Good night (1865) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/ve7z
  Replies (21) Good night (6842) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that. http://tfl.nu/ostc
  Replies (64) Good night (8353) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".

  (416): View more from Toronto

  That's about an "8" on normal scales.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him". (416): That's about an "8" on normal scales. http://tfl.nu/joyf
  Replies (6) Good night (2396) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it. http://tfl.nu/t1oh
  Replies (15) Good night (2085) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  She's clinging to me like a horny koala.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): She's clinging to me like a horny koala. http://tfl.nu/a9hq
  Replies (10) Good night (3060) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/qbx3
  Replies (10) Good night (3158) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana. http://tfl.nu/vvio
  Replies (42) Good night (941) Bad night (3095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it. http://tfl.nu/goy6
  Replies (13) Good night (3836) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone. http://tfl.nu/z0lf
  Replies (25) Good night (360) Bad night (1274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it... http://tfl.nu/w07g
  Replies (20) Good night (2927) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?

  (1-920): View more from Wisconsin

  no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  he wasn't. neither were you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss? (1-920): no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom? (920): he wasn't. neither were you. http://tfl.nu/3ltg
  Replies (16) Good night (6590) Bad night (849)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste. http://tfl.nu/fckj
  Replies (32) Good night (5253) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers http://tfl.nu/nh9s
  Replies (19) Good night (3855) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that. http://tfl.nu/i43f
  Replies (24) Good night (4615) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  we already have meals planned for the weekend.

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): we already have meals planned for the weekend. (1-864): SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL. http://tfl.nu/xo3s
  Replies (13) Good night (4581) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic. http://tfl.nu/cwdw
  Replies (10) Good night (3230) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds. http://tfl.nu/c4et
  Replies (4) Good night (2487) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love! http://tfl.nu/kaje
  Replies (9) Good night (4370) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision. http://tfl.nu/ny2a
  Replies (11) Good night (2525) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard". http://tfl.nu/w1c8
  Replies (18) Good night (6321) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves http://tfl.nu/kwdc
  Replies (28) Good night (4780) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door. http://tfl.nu/b3vl
  Replies (8) Good night (2023) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged http://tfl.nu/78pb
  Replies (16) Good night (4276) Bad night (2361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes http://tfl.nu/n4pv
  Replies (11) Good night (3375) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns. http://tfl.nu/g37i
  Replies (28) Good night (4343) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus" http://tfl.nu/8y4p
  Replies (12) Good night (3566) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  he has the hands of the vagina gods.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): he has the hands of the vagina gods. http://tfl.nu/xhgv
  Replies (12) Good night (4204) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad. http://tfl.nu/1j3o
  Replies (3) Good night (3029) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me. http://tfl.nu/s06p
  Replies (16) Good night (3293) Bad night (1652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win. http://tfl.nu/2dfk
  Replies (8) Good night (4430) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat? http://tfl.nu/7nmi
  Replies (6) Good night (812) Bad night (2117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right? http://tfl.nu/c6gn
  Replies (10) Good night (2292) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style. http://tfl.nu/uhtz
  Replies (10) Good night (4742) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out. http://tfl.nu/syqz
  Replies (47) Good night (450) Bad night (4993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop http://tfl.nu/k9k3
  Replies (11) Good night (463) Bad night (2909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out. http://tfl.nu/085c
  Replies (2) Good night (302) Bad night (2067)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear.. http://tfl.nu/yx7i
  Replies (7) Good night (758) Bad night (1795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming.. http://tfl.nu/kfd5
  Replies (47) Good night (2477) Bad night (4656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you. http://tfl.nu/lwwd
  Replies (6) Good night (3743) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double http://tfl.nu/55xg
  Replies (18) Good night (4359) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop. (1-503): My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins. http://tfl.nu/dck1
  Replies (11) Good night (4503) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver. http://tfl.nu/8bap
  Replies (11) Good night (1223) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five (1-262): bitch http://tfl.nu/m1tn
  Replies (62) Good night (2726) Bad night (4497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style. http://tfl.nu/eq3b
  Replies (27) Good night (1113) Bad night (8765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Finally jerked of with a banana peel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Finally jerked of with a banana peel. http://tfl.nu/gj9m
  Replies (27) Good night (1203) Bad night (4285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him. http://tfl.nu/wjhp
  Replies (16) Good night (5223) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  and what did he say?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world. (1-614): and what did he say? (614): there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning. http://tfl.nu/xi47
  Replies (50) Good night (12060) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Hannah Montana > iCarly

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Hannah Montana > iCarly (309): I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely http://tfl.nu/uzzz
  Replies (49) Good night (1097) Bad night (4891)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point? (604): unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going. http://tfl.nu/jiid
  Replies (15) Good night (582) Bad night (1844)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete. http://tfl.nu/q4l5
  Replies (19) Good night (4358) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm scared

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.

  (972): View more from Texas

  That's what I'm afraid of

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I'm scared (337): There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size. (972): That's what I'm afraid of http://tfl.nu/7af7
  Replies (16) Good night (471) Bad night (3537)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!" http://tfl.nu/2ify
  Replies (16) Good night (6915) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire! http://tfl.nu/yxp7
  Replies (12) Good night (4390) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same http://tfl.nu/4oc8
  Replies (6) Good night (2138) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again" http://tfl.nu/7as1
  Replies (4) Good night (3643) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love. http://tfl.nu/is4u
  Replies (17) Good night (4285) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls. http://tfl.nu/z40q
  Replies (16) Good night (4005) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face" http://tfl.nu/ke0l
  Replies (15) Good night (4995) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now? http://tfl.nu/l9c5
  Replies (6) Good night (2593) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now. http://tfl.nu/wa2b
  Replies (32) Good night (8402) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/dkbw
  Replies (24) Good night (1219) Bad night (2717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans http://tfl.nu/5hx4
  Replies (6) Good night (2843) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams. http://tfl.nu/yznu
  Replies (23) Good night (3402) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong http://tfl.nu/17fl
  Replies (11) Good night (2858) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister http://tfl.nu/vdmj
  Replies (7) Good night (2196) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i can't find my house

  (1-845): View more from New York

  we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.

  (845): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure my house moved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i can't find my house (1-845): we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago. (845): i'm pretty sure my house moved. http://tfl.nu/nzng
  Replies (50) Good night (12900) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home. http://tfl.nu/ffng
  Replies (34) Good night (5718) Bad night (2761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death. http://tfl.nu/mvsk
  Replies (12) Good night (816) Bad night (4690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint. http://tfl.nu/71cw
  Replies (32) Good night (6086) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I just know... :) goodntight

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I just know... :) goodntight (1-281): Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too. http://tfl.nu/kxmt
  Replies (17) Good night (2945) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on http://tfl.nu/fevt
  Replies (37) Good night (1252) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks" http://tfl.nu/zxub
  Replies (31) Good night (6826) Bad night (1883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw. http://tfl.nu/z7bn
  Replies (9) Good night (3168) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask? http://tfl.nu/y41y
  Replies (17) Good night (5820) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo? http://tfl.nu/aefb
  Replies (11) Good night (3970) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it. http://tfl.nu/dyf5
  Replies (8) Good night (2646) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood. http://tfl.nu/ro5l
  Replies (9) Good night (4804) Bad night (1060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard http://tfl.nu/zjac
  Replies (9) Good night (860) Bad night (2149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it. http://tfl.nu/oanm
  Replies (10) Good night (582) Bad night (2731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard. http://tfl.nu/tszy
  Replies (17) Good night (4009) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face. http://tfl.nu/62jc
  Replies (11) Good night (3599) Bad night (1278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us. http://tfl.nu/d8nu
  Replies (7) Good night (4471) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have? http://tfl.nu/03l6
  Replies (23) Good night (2923) Bad night (1401)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross

  (647): View more from Ontario

  well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross (647): well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun http://tfl.nu/i4zj
  Replies (12) Good night (497) Bad night (3267)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day. http://tfl.nu/urgx
  Replies (6) Good night (4602) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth." http://tfl.nu/c9w9
  Replies (15) Good night (7315) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon http://tfl.nu/3qwx
  Replies (4) Good night (742) Bad night (254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time http://tfl.nu/qpy5
  Replies (15) Good night (579) Bad night (3589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (15595) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face http://tfl.nu/bl8e
  Replies (16) Good night (7076) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits. http://tfl.nu/o0ux
  Replies (86) Good night (1004) Bad night (2440)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps http://tfl.nu/14e5
  Replies (24) Good night (1145) Bad night (7967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  and now there are teeth marks on my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): and now there are teeth marks on my dick. http://tfl.nu/97y3
  Replies (17) Good night (952) Bad night (5288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed. http://tfl.nu/50l6
  Replies (11) Good night (6436) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I just found a bag of teeth...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I just found a bag of teeth... http://tfl.nu/rg4d
  Replies (18) Good night (1020) Bad night (4381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): what's the name of that soccar player i bit again? http://tfl.nu/zrsr
  Replies (8) Good night (2082) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had. http://tfl.nu/2xlf
  Replies (28) Good night (7331) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat http://tfl.nu/flbd
  Replies (3) Good night (2132) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised. http://tfl.nu/xha6
  Replies (42) Good night (1595) Bad night (3470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager. http://tfl.nu/h00w
  Replies (8) Good night (4382) Bad night (1157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I can feel the alcohol in my calves

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I can feel the alcohol in my calves http://tfl.nu/p5wf
  Replies (3) Good night (2535) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone" http://tfl.nu/ni9u
  Replies (16) Good night (796) Bad night (3215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS. http://tfl.nu/x0o9
  Replies (11) Good night (2791) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon. http://tfl.nu/pf2r
  Replies (21) Good night (6689) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis. http://tfl.nu/oi4a
  Replies (30) Good night (6259) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out http://tfl.nu/ac78
  Replies (7) Good night (3394) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick http://tfl.nu/43v1
  Replies (17) Good night (5543) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  and...?

  (936): View more from Texas

  I told him it was alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him. (812): and...? (936): I told him it was alright. http://tfl.nu/yirn
  Replies (28) Good night (3610) Bad night (5262)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  yeah i got into a fight with my man last night

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  why can't men just shut up and put out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep (860): yeah i got into a fight with my man last night (860): why can't men just shut up and put out? http://tfl.nu/05si
  Replies (60) Good night (2073) Bad night (1712)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): 90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did http://tfl.nu/76ya
  Replies (9) Good night (2286) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT. http://tfl.nu/04d2
  Replies (14) Good night (4822) Bad night (1180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name http://tfl.nu/1k1s
  Replies (6) Good night (2960) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/rmal
  Replies (2) Good night (2792) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?! http://tfl.nu/tpho
  Replies (17) Good night (928) Bad night (2113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question http://tfl.nu/r4al
  Replies (7) Good night (2866) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots. http://tfl.nu/wxgc
  Replies (6) Good night (3478) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have? http://tfl.nu/04yo
  Replies (22) Good night (2887) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  It was like getting head from an anaconda

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): It was like getting head from an anaconda http://tfl.nu/fnhr
  Replies (23) Good night (2755) Bad night (1837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Even my vagina gasped.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Even my vagina gasped. http://tfl.nu/5sis
  Replies (15) Good night (4801) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested. http://tfl.nu/vry7
  Replies (15) Good night (4421) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): i seriously wanted to pee on her right then. http://tfl.nu/4s0s
  Replies (15) Good night (1366) Bad night (2208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex http://tfl.nu/ydbw
  Replies (31) Good night (4982) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards. http://tfl.nu/12q7
  Replies (14) Good night (2633) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone http://tfl.nu/69r6
  Replies (20) Good night (7588) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her. http://tfl.nu/kcyk
  Replies (15) Good night (4645) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation. http://tfl.nu/5z11
  Replies (21) Good night (1107) Bad night (4920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (333): View more from

  im calling her cock vulture from now on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (333): im calling her cock vulture from now on http://tfl.nu/4dmx
  Replies (28) Good night (2437) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  "I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head. (309): "I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night. http://tfl.nu/9065
  Replies (62) Good night (8656) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard. http://tfl.nu/0fj9
  Replies (40) Good night (1963) Bad night (4136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster. http://tfl.nu/ns19
  Replies (9) Good night (3352) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle. http://tfl.nu/s5be
  Replies (13) Good night (757) Bad night (3420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares http://tfl.nu/x7b2
  Replies (22) Good night (6232) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses. http://tfl.nu/2f5f
  Replies (15) Good night (1480) Bad night (4364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex. http://tfl.nu/bdfn
  Replies (5) Good night (4415) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month. http://tfl.nu/ntmv
  Replies (13) Good night (3138) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis. http://tfl.nu/uw51
  Replies (5) Good night (1959) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon

  (703): View more from Virginia

  she was in a cheetah costume

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon (703): she was in a cheetah costume http://tfl.nu/slro
  Replies (13) Good night (4306) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead. http://tfl.nu/smv5
  Replies (20) Good night (3179) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand. http://tfl.nu/fdqs
  Replies (22) Good night (8082) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY http://tfl.nu/5weu
  Replies (8) Good night (2001) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that http://tfl.nu/wgi4
  Replies (6) Good night (751) Bad night (2541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY. http://tfl.nu/nqby
  Replies (30) Good night (1399) Bad night (7055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep http://tfl.nu/s4hd
  Replies (41) Good night (1006) Bad night (3737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  define virginity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying. (571): define virginity. http://tfl.nu/5by8
  Replies (17) Good night (5438) Bad night (1281)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life. http://tfl.nu/bbi7
  Replies (14) Good night (6550) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will. http://tfl.nu/iz1b
  Replies (18) Good night (2829) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  Actually, she's fat now, so...

  (817): View more from Texas

  Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but... (1-817): Actually, she's fat now, so... (817): Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson. http://tfl.nu/7993
  Replies (27) Good night (1329) Bad night (4552)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B. http://tfl.nu/c1l3
  Replies (4) Good night (892) Bad night (2573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet." http://tfl.nu/ru2n
  Replies (5) Good night (3566) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls. http://tfl.nu/e2rh
  Replies (29) Good night (5476) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+65): View more from

  No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+65): No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car. http://tfl.nu/46mc
  Replies (20) Good night (4267) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand... http://tfl.nu/1d8q
  Replies (10) Good night (553) Bad night (4595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever. http://tfl.nu/klad
  Replies (20) Good night (6856) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis. http://tfl.nu/m2ek
  Replies (15) Good night (5752) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it http://tfl.nu/ocmo
  Replies (13) Good night (1378) Bad night (2909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake. http://tfl.nu/294d
  Replies (23) Good night (7784) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week. http://tfl.nu/axd2
  Replies (15) Good night (3766) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  Every man deserves at least one moment like that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis (1-703): Every man deserves at least one moment like that http://tfl.nu/aq3j
  Replies (27) Good night (11201) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born http://tfl.nu/tmja
  Replies (13) Good night (2718) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  How do you jack off and text at the same time?

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  On my iPhone they have an app for that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): How do you jack off and text at the same time? (1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that http://tfl.nu/2tk7
  Replies (84) Good night (30534) Bad night (1480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions. http://tfl.nu/p23c
  Replies (35) Good night (5395) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting. http://tfl.nu/24nu
  Replies (56) Good night (7393) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I want to kish your cheek

  (248): View more from Michigan

  My cheeks are in Michigan

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Oh my lips are kind of stretchy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I want to kish your cheek (248): My cheeks are in Michigan (301): Oh my lips are kind of stretchy http://tfl.nu/4fba
  Replies (4) Good night (1510) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM. http://tfl.nu/yhvq
  Replies (30) Good night (6599) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow" http://tfl.nu/vtnd
  Replies (7) Good night (2694) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex. http://tfl.nu/bvr1
  Replies (18) Good night (5348) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people http://tfl.nu/xhvq
  Replies (26) Good night (1113) Bad night (4987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night http://tfl.nu/mp67
  Replies (6) Good night (2828) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/l2e8
  Replies (14) Good night (4469) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table. http://tfl.nu/8dv6
  Replies (7) Good night (3974) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him. http://tfl.nu/tozm
  Replies (10) Good night (3021) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck. http://tfl.nu/z7fe
  Replies (21) Good night (7866) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days http://tfl.nu/6wcx
  Replies (9) Good night (4161) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening. http://tfl.nu/zy8e
  Replies (26) Good night (1003) Bad night (7717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover http://tfl.nu/mxp0
  Replies (15) Good night (4844) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me. http://tfl.nu/g7lo
  Replies (21) Good night (3298) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i think that dennys waitress has my boxers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): i think that dennys waitress has my boxers http://tfl.nu/oyrc
  Replies (15) Good night (3178) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch http://tfl.nu/zban
  Replies (28) Good night (8291) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis http://tfl.nu/7q4s
  Replies (13) Good night (3279) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing. http://tfl.nu/dwve
  Replies (6) Good night (2058) Bad night (1351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear. http://tfl.nu/hwjh
  Replies (17) Good night (5392) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.

  (281): View more from Texas

  No. Just liquor. Time's no good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time. (281): No. Just liquor. Time's no good. http://tfl.nu/1yv7
  Replies (14) Good night (2564) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  It'll be just me and my penis against the world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): It'll be just me and my penis against the world. http://tfl.nu/ph7y
  Replies (18) Good night (3293) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere? http://tfl.nu/8ktc
  Replies (15) Good night (891) Bad night (2587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone. http://tfl.nu/lil1
  Replies (7) Good night (3412) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded. http://tfl.nu/0j6f
  Replies (8) Good night (1488) Bad night (3221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band. http://tfl.nu/y1g3
  Replies (18) Good night (814) Bad night (4919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night. http://tfl.nu/gsoj
  Replies (8) Good night (2688) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock... http://tfl.nu/tura
  Replies (15) Good night (5218) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/pxgw
  Replies (134) Good night (41912) Bad night (1360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES. http://tfl.nu/rhol
  Replies (32) Good night (1333) Bad night (6606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?! http://tfl.nu/zl1v
  Replies (14) Good night (744) Bad night (3820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked http://tfl.nu/dann
  Replies (6) Good night (3277) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink." http://tfl.nu/8gq0
  Replies (24) Good night (3249) Bad night (5807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk http://tfl.nu/xjgo
  Replies (4) Good night (1109) Bad night (2260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package" http://tfl.nu/jnsz
  Replies (13) Good night (1577) Bad night (3978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up. http://tfl.nu/852v
  Replies (5) Good night (2953) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now. http://tfl.nu/g0lg
  Replies (5) Good night (3324) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything. http://tfl.nu/kqmn
  Replies (14) Good night (4999) Bad night (1243)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am. http://tfl.nu/emfv
  Replies (8) Good night (2159) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me http://tfl.nu/9tpu
  Replies (15) Good night (5917) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions. http://tfl.nu/bksd
  Replies (14) Good night (684) Bad night (3585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.

  (1-510): View more from California

  It was probably Jesus.

  (510): View more from California

  I feel like he would have left a message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number. (1-510): It was probably Jesus. (510): I feel like he would have left a message. http://tfl.nu/w24x
  Replies (36) Good night (4004) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants. http://tfl.nu/tdj1
  Replies (13) Good night (4991) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted. http://tfl.nu/yox0
  Replies (26) Good night (7584) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know. http://tfl.nu/6wh4
  Replies (10) Good night (2952) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers. http://tfl.nu/k78j
  Replies (35) Good night (474) Bad night (7192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  ...so i touched it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): ...so i touched it. http://tfl.nu/tqtb
  Replies (8) Good night (2445) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping. http://tfl.nu/k03m
  Replies (12) Good night (528) Bad night (6973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties. http://tfl.nu/yluk
  Replies (7) Good night (3604) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys. http://tfl.nu/g51j
  Replies (39) Good night (3587) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack. http://tfl.nu/ptag
  Replies (32) Good night (1027) Bad night (8394)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks http://tfl.nu/9to0
  Replies (11) Good night (4561) Bad night (1266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I learned to sign I want to be on you today

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  Score

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Deaf chicks here I come

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I learned to sign I want to be on you today (1-309): Score (309): Deaf chicks here I come http://tfl.nu/h0zi
  Replies (35) Good night (5161) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  ..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.

  (1-828): View more from North Carolina

  nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): ..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels. (1-828): nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz http://tfl.nu/wr90
  Replies (6) Good night (1283) Bad night (240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of. http://tfl.nu/765v
  Replies (4) Good night (4010) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter. http://tfl.nu/jrqc
  Replies (6) Good night (5092) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea http://tfl.nu/nwiv
  Replies (15) Good night (5288) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal. http://tfl.nu/pm4h
  Replies (4) Good night (1080) Bad night (2680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment. http://tfl.nu/mic1
  Replies (1) Good night (893) Bad night (1758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (221) Good night (6514) Bad night (70161)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail. http://tfl.nu/tpxz
  Replies (24) Good night (9606) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD. http://tfl.nu/21ls
  Replies (30) Good night (11369) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE http://tfl.nu/wuvh
  Replies (5) Good night (2170) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was. http://tfl.nu/uwpx
  Replies (24) Good night (818) Bad night (5340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use. http://tfl.nu/kk0h
  Replies (12) Good night (6388) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD" http://tfl.nu/zg6m
  Replies (29) Good night (843) Bad night (4424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork. http://tfl.nu/6zkt
  Replies (37) Good night (14677) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face http://tfl.nu/9y4h
  Replies (53) Good night (20591) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god. http://tfl.nu/gzqy
  Replies (22) Good night (5163) Bad night (2042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR. http://tfl.nu/pgie
  Replies (44) Good night (932) Bad night (9483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is http://tfl.nu/w3co
  Replies (9) Good night (3637) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla http://tfl.nu/0yq4
  Replies (12) Good night (4110) Bad night (1007)
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/yu5v
  Replies (22) Good night (5359) Bad night (1192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately? http://tfl.nu/0g6n
  Replies (18) Good night (7289) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis http://tfl.nu/kplw
  Replies (17) Good night (6771) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it http://tfl.nu/o2df
  Replies (33) Good night (8769) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  he fucked me so hard my future children felt it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): he fucked me so hard my future children felt it http://tfl.nu/ioph
  Replies (43) Good night (10994) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered http://tfl.nu/4p47
  Replies (9) Good night (461) Bad night (3769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me. http://tfl.nu/uo6c
  Replies (108) Good night (1838) Bad night (34439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
  Replies (589) Good night (4040) Bad night (98816)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever http://tfl.nu/gvxq
  Replies (21) Good night (9982) Bad night (1541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

  (850): View more from Florida

  I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife http://tfl.nu/5iik
  Replies (84) Good night (36449) Bad night (1297)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me. http://tfl.nu/aut7
  Replies (15) Good night (636) Bad night (3072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136705) Bad night (8407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (298) Good night (96133) Bad night (5008)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb
  Replies (165) Good night (87460) Bad night (3242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
  Replies (178) Good night (82694) Bad night (2374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (499) Good night (82812) Bad night (7566)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69184) Bad night (1984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (232) Good night (61995) Bad night (2129)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68154) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (130) Good night (57785) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (349) Good night (55356) Bad night (6455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww
  Replies (83) Good night (46882) Bad night (1719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

  (443): View more from Maryland

  wasted?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  im pocohantasssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6
  Replies (109) Good night (42211) Bad night (1636)