I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
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