I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Loading more great texts...