I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
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