bringbourbon's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians. (1-850): Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue. http://tfl.nu/hc5m
  Replies (10) Good night (3032) Bad night (513)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here http://tfl.nu/ha0m
  Replies (5) Good night (1271) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world. http://tfl.nu/7ety
  Replies (4) Good night (1182) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns. http://tfl.nu/o535
  Replies (12) Good night (1007) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I'm sorry I peed on your everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I'm sorry I peed on your everything. http://tfl.nu/ktzg
  Replies (5) Good night (629) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/yci0
  Replies (16) Good night (3689) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning. http://tfl.nu/sdft
  Replies (3) Good night (969) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me. http://tfl.nu/h8vm
  Replies (5) Good night (1807) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina. http://tfl.nu/fp84
  Replies (21) Good night (1805) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo. http://tfl.nu/ouwj
  Replies (25) Good night (4094) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here http://tfl.nu/mh8f
  Replies (4) Good night (2013) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck. http://tfl.nu/cvbc
  Replies (7) Good night (1813) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome. http://tfl.nu/2baz
  Replies (8) Good night (2295) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today. http://tfl.nu/hnp2
  Replies (12) Good night (6231) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on http://tfl.nu/ht4d
  Replies (9) Good night (1662) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it. http://tfl.nu/4vqb
  Replies (8) Good night (1646) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket (617): I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you http://tfl.nu/qdni
  Replies (3) Good night (1531) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon http://tfl.nu/msr7
  Replies (5) Good night (1429) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  He was uncircumcised

  (480): View more from Arizona

  It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): He was uncircumcised (480): It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis http://tfl.nu/js6u
  Replies (15) Good night (1020) Bad night (1301)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor. http://tfl.nu/w3ms
  Replies (8) Good night (1595) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Brilliant thought; pill pong.

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  What could go wrong?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Brilliant thought; pill pong. (651): What could go wrong? http://tfl.nu/lofi
  Replies (12) Good night (810) Bad night (1020)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run. http://tfl.nu/cpd8
  Replies (2) Good night (1388) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity. http://tfl.nu/nf2x
  Replies (20) Good night (5303) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself http://tfl.nu/cqdr
  Replies (6) Good night (1698) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends. http://tfl.nu/ft9d
  Replies (17) Good night (4263) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked http://tfl.nu/7qkm
  Replies (4) Good night (1550) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS http://tfl.nu/hivl
  Replies (4) Good night (1158) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.

  (1-870): View more from Arkansas

  You always know what to say to make me feel better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you. (1-870): You always know what to say to make me feel better. http://tfl.nu/or61
  Replies (2) Good night (1631) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window http://tfl.nu/rkda
  Replies (10) Good night (2888) Bad night (1234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point. http://tfl.nu/tew1
  Replies (19) Good night (4064) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at http://tfl.nu/66cb
  Replies (5) Good night (2421) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die. http://tfl.nu/75m1
  Replies (10) Good night (1996) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it. http://tfl.nu/1ffs
  Replies (11) Good night (2560) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost. http://tfl.nu/w01g
  Replies (17) Good night (7152) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I am going to be fat forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer. (970): I am going to be fat forever. http://tfl.nu/3hpn
  Replies (15) Good night (1333) Bad night (3063)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again http://tfl.nu/h58y
  Replies (18) Good night (1763) Bad night (1401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy http://tfl.nu/xazq
  Replies (18) Good night (8506) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you. http://tfl.nu/xkmh
  Replies (1) Good night (1777) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (787): He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him. http://tfl.nu/klex
  Replies (21) Good night (4472) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives http://tfl.nu/kcvk
  Replies (13) Good night (4566) Bad night (1017)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made. http://tfl.nu/g5vb
  Replies (16) Good night (6141) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel. http://tfl.nu/l81q
  Replies (7) Good night (3619) Bad night (1115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage" http://tfl.nu/fr69
  Replies (16) Good night (8719) Bad night (1034)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too http://tfl.nu/j3jp
  Replies (10) Good night (2921) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes. http://tfl.nu/57eb
  Replies (50) Good night (2295) Bad night (5332)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday http://tfl.nu/dtfw
  Replies (8) Good night (3524) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate http://tfl.nu/79c0
  Replies (7) Good night (3173) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again http://tfl.nu/p1ce
  Replies (14) Good night (6865) Bad night (1180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (63) Good night (27934) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (50) Good night (29952) Bad night (1124)
• Favorite

  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (107) Good night (31533) Bad night (1302)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (41) Good night (37223) Bad night (1403)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (97) Good night (40220) Bad night (1546)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww
  Replies (83) Good night (49139) Bad night (2059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade http://tfl.nu/sv7y
  Replies (63) Good night (57116) Bad night (1237)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (182) Good night (93619) Bad night (4623)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142368) Bad night (9364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay http://tfl.nu/y710
  Replies (15) Good night (3986) Bad night (1772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time http://tfl.nu/gadq
  Replies (21) Good night (6578) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real... http://tfl.nu/t9kl
  Replies (14) Good night (1026) Bad night (4323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases http://tfl.nu/lpic
  Replies (14) Good night (4994) Bad night (1101)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening. http://tfl.nu/p9mo
  Replies (7) Good night (3708) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1. http://tfl.nu/a49b
  Replies (59) Good night (10969) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions. http://tfl.nu/8qmh
  Replies (23) Good night (3602) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Sounds like a really classy character....

  (478): View more from Georgia

  He is classy. It was argyle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis (410): Sounds like a really classy character.... (478): He is classy. It was argyle. http://tfl.nu/j1fr
  Replies (18) Good night (6441) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes' http://tfl.nu/oxkp
  Replies (9) Good night (7616) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor http://tfl.nu/fo1n
  Replies (51) Good night (467) Bad night (7288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs. http://tfl.nu/lgyg
  Replies (41) Good night (4205) Bad night (1364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick http://tfl.nu/778x
  Replies (69) Good night (14310) Bad night (3620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight. http://tfl.nu/5wwv
  Replies (46) Good night (6825) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99

  (415): View more from California

  Recession joke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99 (415): Recession joke. http://tfl.nu/0g53
  Replies (10) Good night (2957) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker. http://tfl.nu/ldq8
  Replies (18) Good night (3582) Bad night (1778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door. http://tfl.nu/w7kk
  Replies (14) Good night (3846) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS. http://tfl.nu/utzb
  Replies (30) Good night (1264) Bad night (6074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard. http://tfl.nu/kj6h
  Replies (31) Good night (6610) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME" http://tfl.nu/3lzs
  Replies (39) Good night (10017) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain. http://tfl.nu/vwtj
  Replies (51) Good night (25400) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower. http://tfl.nu/hbb7
  Replies (62) Good night (19413) Bad night (1479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit" http://tfl.nu/bodh
  Replies (71) Good night (16365) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England http://tfl.nu/wgnu
  Replies (63) Good night (16571) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe. http://tfl.nu/02tv
  Replies (19) Good night (3856) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen" http://tfl.nu/6cx3
  Replies (52) Good night (9284) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time (1-732): swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph http://tfl.nu/tobf
  Replies (11) Good night (4644) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar. (1-519): You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make. http://tfl.nu/j6t1
  Replies (12) Good night (9922) Bad night (1089)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you. http://tfl.nu/a558
  Replies (9) Good night (4859) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her. http://tfl.nu/tg03
  Replies (97) Good night (4204) Bad night (9686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking. http://tfl.nu/bpgb
  Replies (68) Good night (4320) Bad night (1971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis. http://tfl.nu/xpx8
  Replies (9) Good night (1521) Bad night (4589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers. http://tfl.nu/otyu
  Replies (10) Good night (6883) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW" http://tfl.nu/hdte
  Replies (28) Good night (6655) Bad night (1174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets." http://tfl.nu/13ll
  Replies (17) Good night (7448) Bad night (1042)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (22347) Bad night (1531)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor http://tfl.nu/nslr
  Replies (9) Good night (1770) Bad night (3089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes. http://tfl.nu/4acf
  Replies (54) Good night (3587) Bad night (2522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Text. Mid BJ. 8 points. http://tfl.nu/1rgb
  Replies (42) Good night (2033) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex http://tfl.nu/hs2b
  Replies (23) Good night (6325) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups http://tfl.nu/8ph5
  Replies (13) Good night (6146) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby.... http://tfl.nu/2jxq
  Replies (16) Good night (2624) Bad night (3708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/rlh2
  Replies (16) Good night (990) Bad night (4600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  everyone is single if you try hard enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): everyone is single if you try hard enough http://tfl.nu/81g9
  Replies (42) Good night (5207) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)

  (512): View more from Texas

  Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever) (512): Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them. http://tfl.nu/9n19
  Replies (3) Good night (970) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better http://tfl.nu/apc9
  Replies (3) Good night (691) Bad night (2131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever http://tfl.nu/3n5f
  Replies (26) Good night (5270) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before. http://tfl.nu/yrqt
  Replies (82) Good night (9211) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation? http://tfl.nu/0dba
  Replies (15) Good night (4802) Bad night (1668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk. (610): I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect. http://tfl.nu/dim5
  Replies (43) Good night (13972) Bad night (849)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex. http://tfl.nu/p49h
  Replies (46) Good night (14114) Bad night (1910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant? http://tfl.nu/3cg3
  Replies (56) Good night (4081) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck. http://tfl.nu/0ivr
  Replies (11) Good night (4571) Bad night (1134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time http://tfl.nu/1urp
  Replies (40) Good night (6605) Bad night (1514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Someone in a vagina costume on campus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Someone in a vagina costume on campus. http://tfl.nu/klak
  Replies (7) Good night (2862) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I don`t remember Saturday, actually

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  Its ok, i dont remember 2007

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I don`t remember Saturday, actually (1-604): Its ok, i dont remember 2007 http://tfl.nu/egxh
  Replies (16) Good night (7593) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins. http://tfl.nu/qxz4
  Replies (39) Good night (8274) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Some milfs here doing some blow

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Dad?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Some milfs here doing some blow (1-203): Dad? http://tfl.nu/14p7
  Replies (64) Good night (3653) Bad night (8096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying. http://tfl.nu/488f
  Replies (12) Good night (1495) Bad night (2472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  i just snorted my name. best moment ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): i just snorted my name. best moment ever http://tfl.nu/gtkr
  Replies (44) Good night (2415) Bad night (2982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you." http://tfl.nu/7a3m
  Replies (55) Good night (26509) Bad night (2269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall. http://tfl.nu/lpwz
  Replies (14) Good night (4410) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating http://tfl.nu/qtb8
  Replies (6) Good night (2866) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  how drunk are you?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  What does that even mean anymore?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): how drunk are you? (952): What does that even mean anymore? http://tfl.nu/4vkm
  Replies (10) Good night (5023) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6831) Bad night (40851)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back. http://tfl.nu/st6c
  Replies (36) Good night (15262) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her (860): but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!" (860): but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies http://tfl.nu/084i
  Replies (42) Good night (2502) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Really.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you (580): Really. http://tfl.nu/kw5b
  Replies (101) Good night (10182) Bad night (2839)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur http://tfl.nu/hhzt
  Replies (36) Good night (11739) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami http://tfl.nu/r6ze
  Replies (22) Good night (1074) Bad night (3780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. http://tfl.nu/rrn9
  Replies (117) Good night (3008) Bad night (11710)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with http://tfl.nu/g7w5
  Replies (41) Good night (952) Bad night (5173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good. (763): haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions. http://tfl.nu/7v2j
  Replies (41) Good night (1274) Bad night (3160)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts" http://tfl.nu/th5a
  Replies (37) Good night (1442) Bad night (6788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in? http://tfl.nu/3561
  Replies (18) Good night (5997) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls. http://tfl.nu/wiws
  Replies (3) Good night (1854) Bad night (1357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours http://tfl.nu/i7uw
  Replies (2) Good night (1986) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You guys make me sad

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You misspelled jealous there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone. (540): You guys make me sad (703): You misspelled jealous there http://tfl.nu/wtst
  Replies (23) Good night (11523) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He felt like a one man threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He felt like a one man threesome http://tfl.nu/1ehs
  Replies (17) Good night (9002) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life http://tfl.nu/drtj
  Replies (6) Good night (6136) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick http://tfl.nu/wixt
  Replies (27) Good night (4376) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick

  (305): View more from Florida

  I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick (305): I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius. http://tfl.nu/szcg
  Replies (18) Good night (3814) Bad night (1430)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward. http://tfl.nu/lmmj
  Replies (7) Good night (1061) Bad night (3360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  we already have meals planned for the weekend.

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): we already have meals planned for the weekend. (1-864): SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL. http://tfl.nu/xo3s
  Replies (13) Good night (4879) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic. http://tfl.nu/cwdw
  Replies (10) Good night (3519) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete.. http://tfl.nu/bykt
  Replies (28) Good night (5233) Bad night (1175)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics. http://tfl.nu/re5j
  Replies (21) Good night (8025) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard". http://tfl.nu/w1c8
  Replies (19) Good night (6725) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch. http://tfl.nu/t841
  Replies (5) Good night (5442) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me. http://tfl.nu/wdvy
  Replies (15) Good night (7936) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME http://tfl.nu/4k9l
  Replies (15) Good night (4381) Bad night (1230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air. http://tfl.nu/4jlr
  Replies (3) Good night (1663) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes http://tfl.nu/frgb
  Replies (9) Good night (3952) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves http://tfl.nu/kwdc
  Replies (28) Good night (5046) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is. http://tfl.nu/mbfy
  Replies (6) Good night (3483) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged http://tfl.nu/78pb
  Replies (16) Good night (4615) Bad night (2623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her. http://tfl.nu/z77d
  Replies (27) Good night (5160) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop http://tfl.nu/6219
  Replies (16) Good night (850) Bad night (9016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation. http://tfl.nu/5hwm
  Replies (162) Good night (1168) Bad night (6729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited (1-214): I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope http://tfl.nu/jd28
  Replies (93) Good night (1321) Bad night (7301)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from. http://tfl.nu/qa0c
  Replies (11) Good night (5357) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice http://tfl.nu/ob9j
  Replies (76) Good night (2660) Bad night (1508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day. http://tfl.nu/zol0
  Replies (37) Good night (3907) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/9axz
  Replies (30) Good night (7039) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Did you just throw up mid-sentence?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Did you just throw up mid-sentence? http://tfl.nu/vo8s
  Replies (2) Good night (892) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it. http://tfl.nu/064r
  Replies (13) Good night (6270) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza http://tfl.nu/fivz
  Replies (53) Good night (26188) Bad night (1834)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face. http://tfl.nu/5edg
  Replies (7) Good night (3618) Bad night (1486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis http://tfl.nu/zgff
  Replies (64) Good night (7814) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (131) Good night (60982) Bad night (1929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): apparently farting at a cop is considered assault. http://tfl.nu/4f0p
  Replies (24) Good night (1401) Bad night (3688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome. http://tfl.nu/khdb
  Replies (70) Good night (3741) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot. http://tfl.nu/tunm
  Replies (45) Good night (1375) Bad night (4906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat. http://tfl.nu/bfbd
  Replies (30) Good night (673) Bad night (4149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk http://tfl.nu/784w
  Replies (28) Good night (10068) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move http://tfl.nu/msae
  Replies (33) Good night (7139) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper. http://tfl.nu/vs2k
  Replies (12) Good night (616) Bad night (2965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest. http://tfl.nu/jp7b
  Replies (36) Good night (6217) Bad night (2320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position http://tfl.nu/050n
  Replies (3) Good night (901) Bad night (1791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad. http://tfl.nu/1j3o
  Replies (3) Good night (3252) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong. http://tfl.nu/nz0q
  Replies (16) Good night (3271) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga. http://tfl.nu/aid2
  Replies (6) Good night (2551) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water. http://tfl.nu/94yr
  Replies (8) Good night (4954) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library. http://tfl.nu/m2ex
  Replies (11) Good night (3887) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them. http://tfl.nu/ciek
  Replies (20) Good night (3022) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW. http://tfl.nu/ohwe
  Replies (25) Good night (6463) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car. http://tfl.nu/cnfz
  Replies (5) Good night (505) Bad night (1849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants. http://tfl.nu/trrn
  Replies (87) Good night (1644) Bad night (20042)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire http://tfl.nu/j9c5
  Replies (3) Good night (3115) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits http://tfl.nu/hc25
  Replies (22) Good night (1015) Bad night (7192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now. http://tfl.nu/wa2b
  Replies (32) Good night (9082) Bad night (1395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable. http://tfl.nu/wu9y
  Replies (20) Good night (3464) Bad night (1192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words http://tfl.nu/8a38
  Replies (9) Good night (3396) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming.. http://tfl.nu/kfd5
  Replies (49) Good night (2762) Bad night (4919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you. http://tfl.nu/lwwd
  Replies (6) Good night (3985) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  "lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): "lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning" http://tfl.nu/szov
  Replies (16) Good night (7251) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship http://tfl.nu/tzas
  Replies (14) Good night (2387) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  he tried to breastfeed my turtle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): he tried to breastfeed my turtle http://tfl.nu/mp5f
  Replies (15) Good night (1518) Bad night (2621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today" http://tfl.nu/6cpx
  Replies (30) Good night (1346) Bad night (7378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  anything for my little brother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet. (440): anything for my little brother. http://tfl.nu/0dq6
  Replies (6) Good night (4921) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship. http://tfl.nu/ax7l
  Replies (33) Good night (1408) Bad night (2901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS. http://tfl.nu/x0o9
  Replies (11) Good night (2987) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon. http://tfl.nu/pf2r
  Replies (21) Good night (7038) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm so fucking centered right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I'm so fucking centered right now http://tfl.nu/fs64
  Replies (3) Good night (1272) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423) 2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place http://tfl.nu/hlr5
  Replies (4) Good night (3133) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text

  (214): View more from Texas

  I know you're alive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text (214): I know you're alive http://tfl.nu/9ods
  Replies (8) Good night (1088) Bad night (2214)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248) i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem?? http://tfl.nu/bwq7
  Replies (14) Good night (3380) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life. http://tfl.nu/vjtl
  Replies (3) Good night (824) Bad night (1813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  who do you think you are?

  (407): View more from Florida

  someone who doesn't ask that question

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): who do you think you are? (407): someone who doesn't ask that question http://tfl.nu/uw7n
  Replies (4) Good night (3425) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today http://tfl.nu/czz0
  Replies (3) Good night (1927) Bad night (4134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star. http://tfl.nu/5mxp
  Replies (67) Good night (3834) Bad night (2157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries http://tfl.nu/l93m
  Replies (24) Good night (585) Bad night (2036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  the room spins SO much faster in panama

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): the room spins SO much faster in panama http://tfl.nu/zlx7
  Replies (5) Good night (2399) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you. http://tfl.nu/4g7v
  Replies (25) Good night (3404) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD

  (206): View more from Washington

  Or, you could have used a condom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD (206): Or, you could have used a condom http://tfl.nu/0l3i
  Replies (35) Good night (1027) Bad night (6694)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem http://tfl.nu/u45p
  Replies (26) Good night (1138) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
  Replies (111) Good night (50737) Bad night (1681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom. http://tfl.nu/gkr4
  Replies (13) Good night (792) Bad night (3650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Midnight walks are trippy

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Midnight walks are trippy (1-817): I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon. http://tfl.nu/r0y6
  Replies (9) Good night (3423) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby. http://tfl.nu/u78i
  Replies (55) Good night (722) Bad night (6502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell http://tfl.nu/7uki
  Replies (9) Good night (1254) Bad night (2029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too. http://tfl.nu/xgxr
  Replies (8) Good night (4059) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory http://tfl.nu/j2ic
  Replies (3) Good night (2706) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I've rolled joints bigger than that penis. http://tfl.nu/pgx0
  Replies (29) Good night (706) Bad night (4489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one http://tfl.nu/jlbe
  Replies (53) Good night (10861) Bad night (1212)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's? http://tfl.nu/rb01
  Replies (18) Good night (828) Bad night (5014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  honey you're def caucasian

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann (803): honey you're def caucasian (704): i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z http://tfl.nu/jt3t
  Replies (4) Good night (1421) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk. http://tfl.nu/mb8o
  Replies (37) Good night (1058) Bad night (5342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away http://tfl.nu/6kvy
  Replies (20) Good night (1096) Bad night (5621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me http://tfl.nu/9tpu
  Replies (15) Good night (6125) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it. http://tfl.nu/uqxt
  Replies (13) Good night (9455) Bad night (1645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts. http://tfl.nu/kf4k
  Replies (16) Good night (4823) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  we'll go far in life on tits alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): we'll go far in life on tits alone. http://tfl.nu/gwfe
  Replies (22) Good night (4890) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar http://tfl.nu/f2lj
  Replies (6) Good night (4920) Bad night (1334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you. (1-250): I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this. http://tfl.nu/x6e9
  Replies (25) Good night (11644) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit. http://tfl.nu/d25i
  Replies (17) Good night (4002) Bad night (2086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Why am I even shocked you're doing this....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n (617): Why am I even shocked you're doing this.... http://tfl.nu/y7yp
  Replies (11) Good night (6020) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it. http://tfl.nu/hw4z
  Replies (105) Good night (7470) Bad night (1832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret' http://tfl.nu/447f
  Replies (55) Good night (1230) Bad night (16758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (353) Good night (7775) Bad night (48376)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe. http://tfl.nu/faaw
  Replies (10) Good night (2377) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke. http://tfl.nu/i77o
  Replies (8) Good night (672) Bad night (2430)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently? http://tfl.nu/merx
  Replies (7) Good night (3359) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again http://tfl.nu/gicy
  Replies (6) Good night (3329) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese http://tfl.nu/b6cs
  Replies (9) Good night (4641) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing http://tfl.nu/c7lz
  Replies (23) Good night (5867) Bad night (1355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience. http://tfl.nu/k7n6
  Replies (12) Good night (4382) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/ko2r
  Replies (8) Good night (788) Bad night (3430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip" http://tfl.nu/cn9w
  Replies (6) Good night (3425) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook. http://tfl.nu/6m40
  Replies (21) Good night (1045) Bad night (4767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting. http://tfl.nu/7l1r
  Replies (13) Good night (4367) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing http://tfl.nu/lc8m
  Replies (75) Good night (5385) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver. http://tfl.nu/1xbw
  Replies (39) Good night (720) Bad night (4285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister http://tfl.nu/i2jt
  Replies (17) Good night (6465) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE http://tfl.nu/myo8
  Replies (21) Good night (3929) Bad night (1429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan http://tfl.nu/xldl
  Replies (14) Good night (5240) Bad night (1297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing. http://tfl.nu/gg1f
  Replies (26) Good night (5963) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate. http://tfl.nu/oa41
  Replies (22) Good night (1004) Bad night (4293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts. http://tfl.nu/g61c
  Replies (8) Good night (904) Bad night (3350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room? http://tfl.nu/bp9i
  Replies (14) Good night (4835) Bad night (2198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up. http://tfl.nu/su5y
  Replies (20) Good night (3705) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed. http://tfl.nu/2764
  Replies (47) Good night (6258) Bad night (1974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh. http://tfl.nu/hyh0
  Replies (5) Good night (4208) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (289) Good night (62331) Bad night (4293)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (491) Good night (133306) Bad night (5808)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168551) Bad night (42239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'? http://tfl.nu/wgpy
  Replies (15) Good night (1525) Bad night (4638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us. http://tfl.nu/wdqz
  Replies (5) Good night (4270) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant. http://tfl.nu/2b7s
  Replies (6) Good night (4089) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm. http://tfl.nu/al4b
  Replies (8) Good night (6959) Bad night (1178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  lets call myth busters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot (1-305): lets call myth busters http://tfl.nu/n34m
  Replies (23) Good night (6216) Bad night (1330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye. http://tfl.nu/ovu6
  Replies (28) Good night (4156) Bad night (2554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win. http://tfl.nu/b8se
  Replies (15) Good night (5176) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger. http://tfl.nu/jxnv
  Replies (16) Good night (3369) Bad night (3690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know. http://tfl.nu/dzr5
  Replies (15) Good night (6723) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table http://tfl.nu/g7sx
  Replies (15) Good night (3818) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror http://tfl.nu/1dr8
  Replies (14) Good night (5960) Bad night (1483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do? http://tfl.nu/rcm8
  Replies (23) Good night (766) Bad night (1612)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  my vagina's been through so much this weekend

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): my vagina's been through so much this weekend (1-860): you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend? http://tfl.nu/jr6r
  Replies (35) Good night (7520) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You are the patron saint of my drinking problem. http://tfl.nu/rquk
  Replies (10) Good night (4119) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone http://tfl.nu/hyr8
  Replies (240) Good night (1970) Bad night (8281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing. http://tfl.nu/up8v
  Replies (8) Good night (1172) Bad night (4177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love http://tfl.nu/i52c
  Replies (12) Good night (5140) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me. http://tfl.nu/6qnx
  Replies (23) Good night (11155) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again. http://tfl.nu/ocrt
  Replies (67) Good night (8023) Bad night (2190)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room. http://tfl.nu/3nsa
  Replies (86) Good night (39746) Bad night (1963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  our cab driver is having phone sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): our cab driver is having phone sex. http://tfl.nu/18ax
  Replies (18) Good night (5351) Bad night (2187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose. http://tfl.nu/ckrs
  Replies (12) Good night (1103) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i want you now

  (916): View more from California

  you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i want you now (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this http://tfl.nu/8egt
  Replies (148) Good night (6929) Bad night (69273)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle http://tfl.nu/fluw
  Replies (27) Good night (4194) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message. http://tfl.nu/nzcw
  Replies (31) Good night (5371) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels (1-603) Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know http://tfl.nu/7nn4
  Replies (33) Good night (2868) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees http://tfl.nu/gf2k
  Replies (19) Good night (4810) Bad night (2589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  he just put it in my mouth and said "go"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): he just put it in my mouth and said "go" http://tfl.nu/nvzb
  Replies (64) Good night (2418) Bad night (5119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions http://tfl.nu/ea5m
  Replies (20) Good night (4610) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore. http://tfl.nu/f02f
  Replies (30) Good night (4141) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off. http://tfl.nu/pihu
  Replies (16) Good night (7647) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies" http://tfl.nu/wh5q
  Replies (24) Good night (10815) Bad night (1275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..

  (1-905): View more from Toronto

  With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina.. (1-905): With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there. http://tfl.nu/fkqx
  Replies (34) Good night (19528) Bad night (2028)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty http://tfl.nu/qv38
  Replies (17) Good night (995) Bad night (2266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW" http://tfl.nu/b6ij
  Replies (17) Good night (5799) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero... http://tfl.nu/d5tx
  Replies (24) Good night (5487) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.

  (347): View more from New York

  And what brought this epiphany?

  (646): View more from New York

  I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on. (347): And what brought this epiphany? (646): I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later http://tfl.nu/hsai
  Replies (27) Good night (3285) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  i perioded on his leg

  (714): View more from California

  on. his. leg.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): i perioded on his leg (714): on. his. leg. http://tfl.nu/sr0m
  Replies (49) Good night (1012) Bad night (10497)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on. http://tfl.nu/8n2e
  Replies (15) Good night (5547) Bad night (933)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer http://tfl.nu/m2mn
  Replies (11) Good night (6221) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood. http://tfl.nu/hew5
  Replies (11) Good night (4179) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love. http://tfl.nu/7dfa
  Replies (15) Good night (6411) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised http://tfl.nu/005h
  Replies (47) Good night (2291) Bad night (5112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am. http://tfl.nu/w1ts
  Replies (34) Good night (4524) Bad night (1196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just got to costco. Where are you?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Liquor aisle, bring another cart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just got to costco. Where are you? (602): Liquor aisle, bring another cart. http://tfl.nu/c1j1
  Replies (33) Good night (15253) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  sarcasm needs its own font

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): sarcasm needs its own font http://tfl.nu/5kc7
  Replies (55) Good night (8256) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid. http://tfl.nu/x26d
  Replies (19) Good night (2133) Bad night (3190)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day

  (240): View more from Maryland

  hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day (240): hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine http://tfl.nu/f8k7
  Replies (10) Good night (4114) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit http://tfl.nu/r71a
  Replies (46) Good night (4937) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night. http://tfl.nu/2xhx
  Replies (18) Good night (9406) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  where am i from again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): where am i from again http://tfl.nu/9ocs
  Replies (6) Good night (2851) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well. (1-412): Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel. http://tfl.nu/ymay
  Replies (5) Good night (583) Bad night (1977)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons. (267): I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner. http://tfl.nu/vxtv
  Replies (12) Good night (1033) Bad night (4514)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts http://tfl.nu/1w8r
  Replies (28) Good night (4914) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours. http://tfl.nu/zm6d
  Replies (17) Good night (4590) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber. http://tfl.nu/bjtn
  Replies (24) Good night (896) Bad night (2327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??

  (817): View more from Texas

  dude, everything can mix, this is college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): does wine, beer, and vodka mix well?? (817): dude, everything can mix, this is college. http://tfl.nu/mqi0
  Replies (24) Good night (6012) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world. http://tfl.nu/i0as
  Replies (13) Good night (2272) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.' http://tfl.nu/veyw
  Replies (55) Good night (1169) Bad night (10683)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy. (1-913): You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you. http://tfl.nu/j71x
  Replies (26) Good night (2352) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I am a bulletproof tiger!

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): I am a bulletproof tiger! (615): Haha. Nice, be careful tonight. (828): I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat? http://tfl.nu/tz40
  Replies (6) Good night (942) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  He has that thing where they hang SUPER low

  (650): View more from California

  Ewww!! Elephantitis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): He has that thing where they hang SUPER low (650): Ewww!! Elephantitis http://tfl.nu/rmok
  Replies (7) Good night (588) Bad night (1177)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina http://tfl.nu/buf1
  Replies (56) Good night (6396) Bad night (2154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date. http://tfl.nu/58hu
  Replies (19) Good night (1782) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Fuck 8am classes

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Fuck 8am classes (330): Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes http://tfl.nu/x2hf
  Replies (15) Good night (4023) Bad night (1462)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration? http://tfl.nu/14rv
  Replies (13) Good night (590) Bad night (5628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that. http://tfl.nu/ostc
  Replies (64) Good night (8581) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail. http://tfl.nu/m40v
  Replies (18) Good night (881) Bad night (4561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I did the walk of shame to another booty call

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I don't think that should turn me on, but it does

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I did the walk of shame to another booty call (269): I don't think that should turn me on, but it does http://tfl.nu/0yjb
  Replies (11) Good night (2325) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  wtf. i just found you're porn stash.

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  u like it?

  (937): View more from Ohio

  NOT THE POINT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): wtf. i just found you're porn stash. (1-937): u like it? (937): NOT THE POINT. http://tfl.nu/6tyf
  Replies (40) Good night (4194) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again? http://tfl.nu/5xp9
  Replies (19) Good night (3112) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone http://tfl.nu/p93a
  Replies (11) Good night (2484) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now. http://tfl.nu/y18v
  Replies (160) Good night (13085) Bad night (1647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely. http://tfl.nu/77c9
  Replies (57) Good night (8189) Bad night (1927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock" http://tfl.nu/hksp
  Replies (30) Good night (8971) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes http://tfl.nu/9zua
  Replies (50) Good night (5364) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk... http://tfl.nu/wk7z
  Replies (29) Good night (3459) Bad night (1716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  singing on the bus should be illegal

  (607): View more from New York

  huh?

  (727): View more from Florida

  There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): singing on the bus should be illegal (607): huh? (727): There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down http://tfl.nu/vlmd
  Replies (58) Good night (959) Bad night (4046)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/3fqs
  Replies (27) Good night (3340) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird? (214): Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb? http://tfl.nu/cbow
  Replies (87) Good night (1582) Bad night (4974)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What happened to the watermelon?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  You fucked it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): What happened to the watermelon? (1-314): You fucked it. http://tfl.nu/pk7c
  Replies (15) Good night (2105) Bad night (4410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL", http://tfl.nu/9mnv
  Replies (24) Good night (2779) Bad night (2239)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE" http://tfl.nu/hmmg
  Replies (17) Good night (6248) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming. http://tfl.nu/4nef
  Replies (51) Good night (8527) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends. http://tfl.nu/26nn
  Replies (15) Good night (1765) Bad night (3854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever. http://tfl.nu/56mg
  Replies (38) Good night (10098) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket. http://tfl.nu/tn78
  Replies (48) Good night (4704) Bad night (953)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here. http://tfl.nu/6w86
  Replies (30) Good night (1272) Bad night (12790) Order T-Shirt