Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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