I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
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It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
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