jezire's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me. http://tfl.nu/6e6y
  Replies (2) Good night (380) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted. http://tfl.nu/igqi
  Replies (7) Good night (2178) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits? http://tfl.nu/td8v
  Replies (15) Good night (1906) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening http://tfl.nu/wlci
  Replies (4) Good night (1140) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow http://tfl.nu/l8ph
  Replies (10) Good night (3790) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets. http://tfl.nu/choe
  Replies (4) Good night (1276) Bad night (343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  whiskey

  (914): View more from New York

  stop

  (518): View more from New York

  tequila

  (914): View more from New York

  you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): whiskey (914): stop (518): tequila (914): you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up http://tfl.nu/4nb1
  Replies (3) Good night (1600) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself http://tfl.nu/zndp
  Replies (5) Good night (1165) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick. http://tfl.nu/ynec
  Replies (14) Good night (2037) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable. http://tfl.nu/ga3p
  Replies (5) Good night (1340) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin. http://tfl.nu/p64y
  Replies (5) Good night (1208) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Any clothing i put on is too many clothes. http://tfl.nu/ufgw
  Replies (8) Good night (1347) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar. http://tfl.nu/pvsf
  Replies (4) Good night (994) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy. http://tfl.nu/d7gm
  Replies (3) Good night (377) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever http://tfl.nu/r55b
  Replies (9) Good night (1196) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up. http://tfl.nu/xd0y
  Replies (5) Good night (1627) Bad night (273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out http://tfl.nu/cs49
  Replies (7) Good night (1256) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX. http://tfl.nu/l62p
  Replies (7) Good night (1527) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun. http://tfl.nu/ajrj
  Replies (6) Good night (1536) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/4jzk
  Replies (6) Good night (1551) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex http://tfl.nu/j5jn
  Replies (5) Good night (1557) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady. http://tfl.nu/u0md
  Replies (19) Good night (2009) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse

  (1-916): View more from California

  People like that make this world a better place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse (1-916): People like that make this world a better place. http://tfl.nu/pvsx
  Replies (3) Good night (1563) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (481): View more from

  I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (481): I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW http://tfl.nu/doc5
  Replies (8) Good night (2021) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation http://tfl.nu/pywb
  Replies (7) Good night (1997) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous. http://tfl.nu/druq
  Replies (3) Good night (1248) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs. http://tfl.nu/utt1
  Replies (9) Good night (2151) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Life is too short to have fake orgasms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Life is too short to have fake orgasms. http://tfl.nu/1oh4
  Replies (14) Good night (2684) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis. http://tfl.nu/d56l
  Replies (10) Good night (697) Bad night (1563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day. http://tfl.nu/rh3z
  Replies (6) Good night (1489) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours. http://tfl.nu/5jwu
  Replies (10) Good night (3248) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient. http://tfl.nu/0squ
  Replies (1) Good night (1140) Bad night (326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me. http://tfl.nu/f868
  Replies (5) Good night (1012) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  When in doubt always reply with bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon. (1-740): When in doubt always reply with bacon. http://tfl.nu/8s4u
  Replies (18) Good night (2663) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze. http://tfl.nu/erxr
  Replies (1) Good night (1951) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower. http://tfl.nu/m2lh
  Replies (6) Good night (1779) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina http://tfl.nu/bksp
  Replies (7) Good night (2214) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  What changed your mind?

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  Being sober

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): What changed your mind? (1-616): Being sober http://tfl.nu/yhh4
  Replies (3) Good night (1426) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited. http://tfl.nu/4qpj
  Replies (15) Good night (2079) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka http://tfl.nu/m383
  Replies (5) Good night (833) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate? (1-419): Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly. http://tfl.nu/ok5v
  Replies (20) Good night (3100) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine. http://tfl.nu/qt1j
  Replies (12) Good night (2429) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?... http://tfl.nu/7sdw
  Replies (6) Good night (599) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try. http://tfl.nu/j8hc
  Replies (2) Good night (517) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats. http://tfl.nu/npuf
  Replies (7) Good night (1448) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Make me a sandwich

  (301): View more from Maryland

  The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Make me a sandwich (301): The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich. http://tfl.nu/al2a
  Replies (26) Good night (5904) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now. http://tfl.nu/gaaz
  Replies (29) Good night (3272) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty http://tfl.nu/j05t
  Replies (3) Good night (676) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date? http://tfl.nu/49q5
  Replies (13) Good night (2357) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance http://tfl.nu/4nxj
  Replies (10) Good night (4405) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say http://tfl.nu/ixst
  Replies (6) Good night (2029) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition) http://tfl.nu/fbpq
  Replies (3) Good night (1480) Bad night (386)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy http://tfl.nu/t11r
  Replies (13) Good night (2356) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight. http://tfl.nu/c8kn
  Replies (6) Good night (1037) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots http://tfl.nu/14wj
  Replies (5) Good night (1418) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding. http://tfl.nu/gais
  Replies (6) Good night (1514) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (50) Good night (19642) Bad night (1992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face

  (310): View more from California

  On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face (310): On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people? http://tfl.nu/ezwy
  Replies (6) Good night (1930) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it! http://tfl.nu/qsog
  Replies (10) Good night (2098) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged http://tfl.nu/ocss
  Replies (4) Good night (1456) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus. http://tfl.nu/fd89
  Replies (19) Good night (7161) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready. http://tfl.nu/c6az
  Replies (19) Good night (2127) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  somebody snuck up and got me drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): somebody snuck up and got me drunk http://tfl.nu/xe32
  Replies (4) Good night (1478) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you... http://tfl.nu/j9so
  Replies (11) Good night (2281) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  I absolutely love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it. (1-360): I absolutely love you. http://tfl.nu/vd5p
  Replies (40) Good night (10460) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick http://tfl.nu/awtp
  Replies (16) Good night (2811) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked. http://tfl.nu/yes9
  Replies (13) Good night (4953) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands. http://tfl.nu/rsji
  Replies (12) Good night (2387) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm. http://tfl.nu/ghbo
  Replies (15) Good night (2224) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm off the liquor

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I'm off the liquor (1-403): You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick http://tfl.nu/sglp
  Replies (7) Good night (1868) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep. http://tfl.nu/be9f
  Replies (12) Good night (1665) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now http://tfl.nu/xehl
  Replies (9) Good night (2740) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor. http://tfl.nu/bso0
  Replies (10) Good night (1721) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine. http://tfl.nu/vmvb
  Replies (2) Good night (2329) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits http://tfl.nu/6x3w
  Replies (17) Good night (1383) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  farters have to be the big spoon...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): farters have to be the big spoon... http://tfl.nu/5j3w
  Replies (6) Good night (708) Bad night (2571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  so let's talk penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): so let's talk penis. http://tfl.nu/oygv
  Replies (16) Good night (4403) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  You're the best girlfriend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over? (312): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/ubhn
  Replies (18) Good night (4395) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness. http://tfl.nu/88ay
  Replies (6) Good night (2354) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw
  Replies (79) Good night (13896) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats. http://tfl.nu/2ggd
  Replies (6) Good night (1664) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday. http://tfl.nu/6zuu
  Replies (3) Good night (1940) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me. http://tfl.nu/wgh1
  Replies (11) Good night (1954) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do. http://tfl.nu/e7db
  Replies (12) Good night (2875) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch http://tfl.nu/6s8v
  Replies (13) Good night (2792) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication http://tfl.nu/e0p4
  Replies (11) Good night (2237) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day http://tfl.nu/bp9q
  Replies (36) Good night (6069) Bad night (1106)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now http://tfl.nu/ltgd
  Replies (32) Good night (1153) Bad night (4073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever. http://tfl.nu/bzzy
  Replies (6) Good night (3736) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs. http://tfl.nu/e91l
  Replies (14) Good night (3358) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago. http://tfl.nu/b9vc
  Replies (21) Good night (4678) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room http://tfl.nu/oqu1
  Replies (20) Good night (3484) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains. http://tfl.nu/eu34
  Replies (5) Good night (1631) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that. http://tfl.nu/0566
  Replies (10) Good night (1525) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me http://tfl.nu/2y9m
  Replies (25) Good night (11031) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you. http://tfl.nu/9kp9
  Replies (4) Good night (2587) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day. http://tfl.nu/fth0
  Replies (12) Good night (3146) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be? http://tfl.nu/eobh
  Replies (13) Good night (3212) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day. http://tfl.nu/olid
  Replies (23) Good night (4610) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect. http://tfl.nu/cd2m
  Replies (4) Good night (2929) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!" http://tfl.nu/5vjf
  Replies (35) Good night (5659) Bad night (8219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood http://tfl.nu/kses
  Replies (4) Good night (3825) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex. http://tfl.nu/9fy5
  Replies (14) Good night (4238) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  ru fi oooo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang (1-617): ru fi oooo http://tfl.nu/syl6
  Replies (71) Good night (5054) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business. http://tfl.nu/ppsa
  Replies (34) Good night (5039) Bad night (1318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  my vagina has a 5:00 shadow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): my vagina has a 5:00 shadow http://tfl.nu/wj4u
  Replies (32) Good night (622) Bad night (3998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on.... http://tfl.nu/te8z
  Replies (67) Good night (1733) Bad night (7261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight] http://tfl.nu/2cq7
  Replies (29) Good night (11290) Bad night (2363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK. http://tfl.nu/nxhd
  Replies (4) Good night (542) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame http://tfl.nu/q9yu
  Replies (5) Good night (1769) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy. http://tfl.nu/7hz1
  Replies (41) Good night (11623) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/pxgw
  Replies (134) Good night (43785) Bad night (1654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head? http://tfl.nu/wek5
  Replies (5) Good night (1804) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me. http://tfl.nu/vc9f
  Replies (16) Good night (5850) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer... http://tfl.nu/1ty6
  Replies (28) Good night (3110) Bad night (6293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it. http://tfl.nu/tfef
  Replies (19) Good night (1067) Bad night (2344)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  My pussy is not your playground.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): My pussy is not your playground. http://tfl.nu/vnfk
  Replies (63) Good night (1337) Bad night (5311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time. http://tfl.nu/0r8g
  Replies (16) Good night (2363) Bad night (3195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls? http://tfl.nu/i6ht
  Replies (18) Good night (3918) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me http://tfl.nu/uytx
  Replies (63) Good night (9343) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I wannas sexs uuuuu

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616) I wannas sexs uuuuu http://tfl.nu/1vml
  Replies (7) Good night (1219) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks' http://tfl.nu/njwf
  Replies (14) Good night (5044) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation http://tfl.nu/jvhd
  Replies (7) Good night (2159) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth http://tfl.nu/jkpl
  Replies (5) Good night (1671) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable

  (678): View more from Georgia

  not having any beer money sounds even more miserable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable (678): not having any beer money sounds even more miserable http://tfl.nu/amg8
  Replies (3) Good night (1925) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it. http://tfl.nu/4ii1
  Replies (2) Good night (2818) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Just be blunt and say drink from my dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Just be blunt and say drink from my dick http://tfl.nu/8snw
  Replies (1) Good night (1197) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60. http://tfl.nu/7fqw
  Replies (20) Good night (5965) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up http://tfl.nu/mvat
  Replies (3) Good night (1694) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock. http://tfl.nu/njgo
  Replies (166) Good night (28025) Bad night (2531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd http://tfl.nu/28g8
  Replies (39) Good night (10806) Bad night (1147)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be

  (325): View more from Texas

  Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be (325): Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets http://tfl.nu/9qmi
  Replies (3) Good night (788) Bad night (1104)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment. http://tfl.nu/2sfo
  Replies (7) Good night (1704) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning" http://tfl.nu/wpur
  Replies (9) Good night (910) Bad night (2509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show? http://tfl.nu/1sfk
  Replies (2) Good night (838) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm. http://tfl.nu/s8ta
  Replies (4) Good night (1796) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you. http://tfl.nu/pv7t
  Replies (11) Good night (7285) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he said i'm too pretty to suck penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): he said i'm too pretty to suck penis http://tfl.nu/wzvb
  Replies (99) Good night (13651) Bad night (1636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I think I have a pornographic memory.

  (954): View more from Florida

  Don't you mean photographic?

  (407): View more from Florida

  No.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I think I have a pornographic memory. (954): Don't you mean photographic? (407): No. http://tfl.nu/ii2n
  Replies (14) Good night (5707) Bad night (516)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Everytime we come here you have an ex here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Everytime we come here you have an ex here. http://tfl.nu/ev6m
  Replies (16) Good night (406) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit. http://tfl.nu/5rch
  Replies (17) Good night (893) Bad night (3120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry. http://tfl.nu/kkw8
  Replies (7) Good night (3701) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them? http://tfl.nu/br07
  Replies (99) Good night (1652) Bad night (5491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made. http://tfl.nu/ax9s
  Replies (13) Good night (4157) Bad night (1700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  plz talk dirty to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): plz talk dirty to me http://tfl.nu/4w96
  Replies (11) Good night (1900) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I think he just made me trade sex for my cat. http://tfl.nu/z4wg
  Replies (6) Good night (1689) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  We should reintroduce naked Mondays

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): We should reintroduce naked Mondays http://tfl.nu/agz2
  Replies (6) Good night (2186) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car. http://tfl.nu/1mzx
  Replies (50) Good night (7765) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc. http://tfl.nu/hh26
  Replies (3) Good night (2360) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever. http://tfl.nu/ir44
  Replies (7) Good night (3148) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro. http://tfl.nu/i908
  Replies (1) Good night (1958) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned? (443): I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me" http://tfl.nu/og83
  Replies (72) Good night (593) Bad night (3706)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it. http://tfl.nu/82ee
  Replies (8) Good night (2450) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing. http://tfl.nu/ex7a
  Replies (115) Good night (11434) Bad night (1707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting" http://tfl.nu/k1xw
  Replies (7) Good night (1897) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human http://tfl.nu/6fr0
  Replies (4) Good night (2344) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms. (1-913): So you know, I'm making that my facebook status. http://tfl.nu/4s8l
  Replies (24) Good night (7607) Bad night (1031)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex http://tfl.nu/hs2b
  Replies (23) Good night (6311) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  It's Friday. Sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): It's Friday. Sex? http://tfl.nu/22he
  Replies (19) Good night (4446) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line http://tfl.nu/5bhb
  Replies (38) Good night (2620) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be http://tfl.nu/8bju
  Replies (209) Good night (19612) Bad night (879)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38526) Bad night (1464)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Redeem this text for a blowjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Redeem this text for a blowjob http://tfl.nu/3lns
  Replies (45) Good night (18451) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you. http://tfl.nu/8i7d
  Replies (11) Good night (1053) Bad night (3730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife. http://tfl.nu/jnj1
  Replies (7) Good night (2942) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  is that a poem?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls (763): is that a poem?! http://tfl.nu/h29o
  Replies (55) Good night (7177) Bad night (1632)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat. http://tfl.nu/0ifj
  Replies (9) Good night (3470) Bad night (1592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships. http://tfl.nu/4vx4
  Replies (10) Good night (1075) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works. http://tfl.nu/2moz
  Replies (10) Good night (1914) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless. http://tfl.nu/ejtk
  Replies (18) Good night (3087) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night? http://tfl.nu/qhm4
  Replies (3) Good night (1787) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food. http://tfl.nu/5019
  Replies (20) Good night (3289) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable http://tfl.nu/6hw3
  Replies (32) Good night (988) Bad night (1665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow http://tfl.nu/1xbr
  Replies (17) Good night (3173) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later. http://tfl.nu/11rn
  Replies (16) Good night (3766) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on http://tfl.nu/h715
  Replies (9) Good night (1904) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend? http://tfl.nu/abvl
  Replies (28) Good night (7976) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here. http://tfl.nu/yssz
  Replies (20) Good night (3802) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety. http://tfl.nu/meos
  Replies (9) Good night (2940) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer http://tfl.nu/4g9e
  Replies (5) Good night (2261) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after http://tfl.nu/0llh
  Replies (11) Good night (4406) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically http://tfl.nu/zfwj
  Replies (27) Good night (8206) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs. http://tfl.nu/xa92
  Replies (84) Good night (8290) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you. http://tfl.nu/wk7e
  Replies (51) Good night (736) Bad night (4815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best. http://tfl.nu/9ej5
  Replies (32) Good night (2763) Bad night (3061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina. http://tfl.nu/6dr6
  Replies (8) Good night (3001) Bad night (775)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right. http://tfl.nu/ax5o
  Replies (6) Good night (4795) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time. http://tfl.nu/39ft
  Replies (28) Good night (1804) Bad night (3033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My vibrator challenges you to a duel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): My vibrator challenges you to a duel. http://tfl.nu/fz14
  Replies (18) Good night (3773) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (779): View more from Illinois

  Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (779): Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me. http://tfl.nu/6ngm
  Replies (6) Good night (2730) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home... http://tfl.nu/c5f1
  Replies (11) Good night (4285) Bad night (1442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen." http://tfl.nu/2yxx
  Replies (11) Good night (3945) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment. http://tfl.nu/8o3c
  Replies (18) Good night (3101) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport http://tfl.nu/iu8r
  Replies (9) Good night (5196) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk. http://tfl.nu/qjr2
  Replies (4) Good night (2006) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement. http://tfl.nu/xw5k
  Replies (14) Good night (4305) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes? http://tfl.nu/o98x
  Replies (9) Good night (5516) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for. http://tfl.nu/v3jd
  Replies (30) Good night (4368) Bad night (1430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day. http://tfl.nu/phv5
  Replies (4) Good night (2358) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423) 2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place http://tfl.nu/hlr5
  Replies (4) Good night (3110) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you http://tfl.nu/5gma
  Replies (9) Good night (4685) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free http://tfl.nu/fc7m
  Replies (33) Good night (4182) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner. http://tfl.nu/dvnd
  Replies (13) Good night (4189) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex. http://tfl.nu/iq87
  Replies (19) Good night (5117) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you. http://tfl.nu/0isu
  Replies (25) Good night (813) Bad night (2619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?! http://tfl.nu/ganv
  Replies (70) Good night (4984) Bad night (9452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday http://tfl.nu/kg71
  Replies (8) Good night (2524) Bad night (1444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets. http://tfl.nu/gp9t
  Replies (21) Good night (8135) Bad night (1023)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  In America we eat man semen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): In America we eat man semen. http://tfl.nu/5eyy
  Replies (33) Good night (3092) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight. http://tfl.nu/gw0c
  Replies (4) Good night (1873) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  all he gave me for my birthday was sperm

  (254): View more from Texas

  at least its a homemade gift

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): all he gave me for my birthday was sperm (254): at least its a homemade gift http://tfl.nu/gvzk
  Replies (16) Good night (5595) Bad night (1029)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142122) Bad night (9307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  bc i get to see you. naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid? (203): bc i get to see you. naked. http://tfl.nu/db7h
  Replies (24) Good night (8117) Bad night (1163)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  and...?

  (936): View more from Texas

  I told him it was alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him. (812): and...? (936): I told him it was alright. http://tfl.nu/yirn
  Replies (28) Good night (3789) Bad night (5490)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you. http://tfl.nu/a48g
  Replies (14) Good night (5367) Bad night (1973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE http://tfl.nu/98pz
  Replies (32) Good night (8975) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  We are so in love

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  so when's the next time you get to see your balls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): We are so in love (504): so when's the next time you get to see your balls http://tfl.nu/6s0s
  Replies (7) Good night (3050) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  That's weird, I usually just count sheep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now (604): That's weird, I usually just count sheep http://tfl.nu/h1kv
  Replies (14) Good night (950) Bad night (3243)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin. http://tfl.nu/vso7
  Replies (13) Good night (3523) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done. http://tfl.nu/o8ax
  Replies (22) Good night (7166) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): We're like two naked peas in a sex pod. http://tfl.nu/sqen
  Replies (23) Good night (6240) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.

  (1-716): View more from New York

  momma always taught us never to change for a boy..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack. (1-716): momma always taught us never to change for a boy.. http://tfl.nu/3cjy
  Replies (17) Good night (6252) Bad night (1075)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/ob9t
  Replies (28) Good night (8990) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans http://tfl.nu/l2qt
  Replies (36) Good night (593) Bad night (1880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.

  (352): View more from Florida

  Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself. (352): Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad. http://tfl.nu/hkrc
  Replies (41) Good night (1467) Bad night (3989)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship. http://tfl.nu/bd1c
  Replies (8) Good night (4789) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I can already almost taste penis in my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I can already almost taste penis in my mouth http://tfl.nu/o1w6
  Replies (10) Good night (2234) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet. http://tfl.nu/u8l3
  Replies (12) Good night (1166) Bad night (3439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA http://tfl.nu/ppt3
  Replies (23) Good night (2949) Bad night (1267) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it? http://tfl.nu/qkoi
  Replies (2) Good night (2034) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass. http://tfl.nu/spz3
  Replies (24) Good night (6473) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like. http://tfl.nu/ro2k
  Replies (50) Good night (6424) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  I need to stop coming to work sober

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): I need to stop coming to work sober http://tfl.nu/5deo
  Replies (10) Good night (3251) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM http://tfl.nu/acmo
  Replies (43) Good night (1238) Bad night (3905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly http://tfl.nu/n7qz
  Replies (56) Good night (3899) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday? http://tfl.nu/4464
  Replies (5) Good night (2339) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  put your butt on the phone this is a booty call

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): put your butt on the phone this is a booty call http://tfl.nu/3vuo
  Replies (25) Good night (2879) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248) i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem?? http://tfl.nu/bwq7
  Replies (14) Good night (3366) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving http://tfl.nu/z8pa
  Replies (31) Good night (786) Bad night (3133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy http://tfl.nu/rglc
  Replies (22) Good night (4797) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk. http://tfl.nu/mb8o
  Replies (37) Good night (1052) Bad night (5334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower. http://tfl.nu/v1s4
  Replies (33) Good night (5305) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God. http://tfl.nu/2tiv
  Replies (50) Good night (4264) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember. http://tfl.nu/s3lo
  Replies (51) Good night (4520) Bad night (1311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (418): View more from Quebec

  You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (418): You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry" http://tfl.nu/nwle
  Replies (11) Good night (6724) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village. http://tfl.nu/cmft
  Replies (16) Good night (5256) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  even the AIR tastes like tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): even the AIR tastes like tequila. http://tfl.nu/sty9
  Replies (4) Good night (3012) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard. http://tfl.nu/wcz2
  Replies (2) Good night (1185) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story. http://tfl.nu/dytn
  Replies (25) Good night (922) Bad night (3477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat. http://tfl.nu/qnu6
  Replies (31) Good night (4196) Bad night (5055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though. http://tfl.nu/qm3u
  Replies (18) Good night (5624) Bad night (1642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/srjh
  Replies (8) Good night (2877) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/vg1w
  Replies (10) Good night (2657) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday http://tfl.nu/a582
  Replies (2) Good night (2519) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become http://tfl.nu/8je0
  Replies (6) Good night (2763) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Clothes are such an inconvenience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Clothes are such an inconvenience. http://tfl.nu/1jcm
  Replies (22) Good night (8271) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen. http://tfl.nu/y9fq
  Replies (30) Good night (5905) Bad night (1526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man. http://tfl.nu/8qmy
  Replies (73) Good night (8984) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow? http://tfl.nu/hnqf
  Replies (12) Good night (3130) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring... http://tfl.nu/set0
  Replies (80) Good night (2682) Bad night (8076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on. http://tfl.nu/csv9
  Replies (14) Good night (4871) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do. http://tfl.nu/vxoj
  Replies (16) Good night (3174) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time http://tfl.nu/rffr
  Replies (21) Good night (5659) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage.... http://tfl.nu/ha8c
  Replies (6) Good night (2684) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis. http://tfl.nu/m2ek
  Replies (15) Good night (6026) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever. http://tfl.nu/6dcd
  Replies (20) Good night (6222) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo. http://tfl.nu/heh2
  Replies (22) Good night (6902) Bad night (1252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark http://tfl.nu/xtgk
  Replies (4) Good night (2857) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too http://tfl.nu/1k8w
  Replies (40) Good night (697) Bad night (4206)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster. http://tfl.nu/zgi0
  Replies (29) Good night (2138) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so horny!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so hungry

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  For your pussy...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I'm so horny! (781): I'm so hungry (508): WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY! (781): For your pussy... http://tfl.nu/7j50
  Replies (64) Good night (23867) Bad night (1496)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/ly75
  Replies (7) Good night (6241) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up. http://tfl.nu/b3gr
  Replies (5) Good night (2457) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats. http://tfl.nu/4me1
  Replies (32) Good night (940) Bad night (5317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  ...is it true? will i see you next weekend

  (248): View more from Michigan

  YES.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): ...is it true? will i see you next weekend (248): YES. (614): ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us http://tfl.nu/m1xt
  Replies (22) Good night (3457) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit. http://tfl.nu/nygb
  Replies (33) Good night (4050) Bad night (1269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you http://tfl.nu/nk9c
  Replies (16) Good night (820) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself. http://tfl.nu/5qf3
  Replies (2) Good night (743) Bad night (3671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time. http://tfl.nu/nzqv
  Replies (6) Good night (2764) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting. http://tfl.nu/uotz
  Replies (10) Good night (4590) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal http://tfl.nu/x7fc
  Replies (19) Good night (5913) Bad night (1618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard http://tfl.nu/2caa
  Replies (14) Good night (3829) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day http://tfl.nu/nn34
  Replies (3) Good night (4747) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love." http://tfl.nu/xky8
  Replies (91) Good night (4421) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range http://tfl.nu/j5nd
  Replies (11) Good night (764) Bad night (2238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime. http://tfl.nu/10jr
  Replies (75) Good night (2583) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars, http://tfl.nu/j4u2
  Replies (14) Good night (4950) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked. http://tfl.nu/qprr
  Replies (22) Good night (6837) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/j0mi
  Replies (13) Good night (6057) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Maybe my heart is located in my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Maybe my heart is located in my vagina http://tfl.nu/huf2
  Replies (18) Good night (5232) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation http://tfl.nu/mdo6
  Replies (29) Good night (1712) Bad night (5908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one http://tfl.nu/7gmu
  Replies (10) Good night (5925) Bad night (1258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage" http://tfl.nu/fr69
  Replies (16) Good night (8695) Bad night (1013)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call. http://tfl.nu/l86s
  Replies (13) Good night (540) Bad night (2227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side http://tfl.nu/thqa
  Replies (77) Good night (984) Bad night (3055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference! http://tfl.nu/5ptk
  Replies (50) Good night (10356) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack) http://tfl.nu/29kp
  Replies (21) Good night (4994) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids. http://tfl.nu/l7h3
  Replies (19) Good night (3900) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  bitches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!? (740): bitches. http://tfl.nu/evq4
  Replies (58) Good night (8671) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties http://tfl.nu/njvs
  Replies (5) Good night (1962) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight http://tfl.nu/z6vl
  Replies (22) Good night (4253) Bad night (1407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me http://tfl.nu/vizy
  Replies (38) Good night (5947) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination http://tfl.nu/nopp
  Replies (5) Good night (2218) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here. http://tfl.nu/jxmt
  Replies (22) Good night (3425) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time. http://tfl.nu/5nj6
  Replies (28) Good night (1606) Bad night (3616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  My balls are so social today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): My balls are so social today. http://tfl.nu/wyah
  Replies (8) Good night (3970) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am. http://tfl.nu/mfa3
  Replies (16) Good night (4923) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be http://tfl.nu/xbn0
  Replies (10) Good night (4670) Bad night (1224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight? http://tfl.nu/wnvq
  Replies (38) Good night (17132) Bad night (1906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar. http://tfl.nu/31fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5838) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
  Replies (131) Good night (8265) Bad night (23691)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom. http://tfl.nu/0i9y
  Replies (12) Good night (4557) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on. http://tfl.nu/8snd
  Replies (15) Good night (5214) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety... http://tfl.nu/2t4m
  Replies (8) Good night (3157) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way. http://tfl.nu/vl3g
  Replies (3) Good night (615) Bad night (1569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive http://tfl.nu/067t
  Replies (31) Good night (5652) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/gwo8
  Replies (59) Good night (5070) Bad night (4628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit? http://tfl.nu/d2ae
  Replies (15) Good night (3071) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses. http://tfl.nu/pr98
  Replies (11) Good night (6479) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world. http://tfl.nu/0s72
  Replies (45) Good night (5259) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc
  Replies (81) Good night (16565) Bad night (2591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Five things that make you perfect. Go.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Five things that make you perfect. Go. (1-918): The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/ni7m
  Replies (26) Good night (6208) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Who goes to Church hungover

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Who goes to Church hungover (717): Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk http://tfl.nu/g7sy
  Replies (42) Good night (14606) Bad night (1222)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): The first sip always goes straight to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/w086
  Replies (17) Good night (5808) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous http://tfl.nu/ntwa
  Replies (17) Good night (8726) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room? http://tfl.nu/bp9i
  Replies (14) Good night (4825) Bad night (2180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  K. On the way. I need a drink.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Like a drink drink or like water?

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Have we met?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): K. On the way. I need a drink. (904): Like a drink drink or like water? (601): Have we met? http://tfl.nu/ckaw
  Replies (10) Good night (6055) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star. http://tfl.nu/4wpn
  Replies (27) Good night (2789) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts. http://tfl.nu/4sqd
  Replies (95) Good night (21069) Bad night (1258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often http://tfl.nu/iv13
  Replies (25) Good night (4270) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers http://tfl.nu/nh9s
  Replies (19) Good night (4072) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards. http://tfl.nu/9pdc
  Replies (10) Good night (3395) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (116) Good night (46408) Bad night (2024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over http://tfl.nu/rs0c
  Replies (32) Good night (1362) Bad night (5379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  You at least unplugged it right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought... (1-540): You at least unplugged it right? http://tfl.nu/cwvi
  Replies (37) Good night (1075) Bad night (3909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok http://tfl.nu/3owz
  Replies (9) Good night (2474) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy http://tfl.nu/pgsd
  Replies (2) Good night (2388) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door. http://tfl.nu/w7kk
  Replies (14) Good night (3834) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes http://tfl.nu/5rry
  Replies (5) Good night (3259) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i really wish james franco would like my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i really wish james franco would like my vagina http://tfl.nu/g4mj
  Replies (25) Good night (5695) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I think I have vodka in my lungs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I think I have vodka in my lungs http://tfl.nu/shpx
  Replies (4) Good night (1818) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom. http://tfl.nu/lxr2
  Replies (18) Good night (1198) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!" http://tfl.nu/8xfk
  Replies (11) Good night (13039) Bad night (1075)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed. http://tfl.nu/aqi9
  Replies (6) Good night (3607) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy http://tfl.nu/jx3n
  Replies (8) Good night (1915) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve. http://tfl.nu/asc9
  Replies (6) Good night (6543) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys. http://tfl.nu/wntn
  Replies (73) Good night (7367) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision. http://tfl.nu/ny2a
  Replies (11) Good night (2756) Bad night (1177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?

  (213): View more from California

  It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings? (213): It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films. http://tfl.nu/x383
  Replies (24) Good night (826) Bad night (1550)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory. http://tfl.nu/gw1o
  Replies (3) Good night (3009) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much http://tfl.nu/wzca
  Replies (14) Good night (1438) Bad night (2822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation... http://tfl.nu/5jek
  Replies (8) Good night (2119) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking. http://tfl.nu/qzjs
  Replies (22) Good night (5250) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock... http://tfl.nu/jcau
  Replies (236) Good night (825) Bad night (3623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.

  (817): View more from Texas

  I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house. (405): Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box. (817): I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift. http://tfl.nu/erp5
  Replies (103) Good night (1223) Bad night (2698)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me. http://tfl.nu/kxxf
  Replies (26) Good night (6448) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket http://tfl.nu/8xo3
  Replies (11) Good night (3660) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex. http://tfl.nu/3zjj
  Replies (21) Good night (1700) Bad night (6358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them. http://tfl.nu/fuhs
  Replies (15) Good night (4566) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her. http://tfl.nu/ymnu
  Replies (36) Good night (4540) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions... http://tfl.nu/wg6s
  Replies (41) Good night (8013) Bad night (1183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish" http://tfl.nu/4kon
  Replies (9) Good night (3426) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion. http://tfl.nu/m237
  Replies (93) Good night (5177) Bad night (1960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  He looks like he has a penis

  (210): View more from Texas

  What the fuck

  (432): View more from Texas

  A good one, a good penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): He looks like he has a penis (210): What the fuck (432): A good one, a good penis http://tfl.nu/0vhk
  Replies (8) Good night (3985) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it... http://tfl.nu/g5dr
  Replies (14) Good night (5544) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance. http://tfl.nu/qptg
  Replies (11) Good night (3029) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself. http://tfl.nu/7r6x
  Replies (11) Good night (1195) Bad night (2744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order. (1-614): I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale! http://tfl.nu/h6yb
  Replies (50) Good night (5130) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty. http://tfl.nu/9fyr
  Replies (100) Good night (3956) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night http://tfl.nu/pds9
  Replies (9) Good night (4184) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed http://tfl.nu/eq1c
  Replies (89) Good night (9012) Bad night (1504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery http://tfl.nu/move
  Replies (17) Good night (4354) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  go get him tiger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun" (1-312): go get him tiger. http://tfl.nu/5kmx
  Replies (17) Good night (4784) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (301) Good night (100283) Bad night (5707)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  Anal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people. (1-615): Anal. http://tfl.nu/eagl
  Replies (23) Good night (3297) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother. http://tfl.nu/gdyr
  Replies (42) Good night (971) Bad night (2581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining. http://tfl.nu/2itw
  Replies (30) Good night (3873) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu. http://tfl.nu/2u8z
  Replies (12) Good night (3716) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  You drink too much

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  No, I drink just the right amount - too often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): You drink too much (1-561): No, I drink just the right amount - too often. http://tfl.nu/1oor
  Replies (2) Good night (2770) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass... http://tfl.nu/egbe
  Replies (69) Good night (1349) Bad night (4432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid. http://tfl.nu/hcvk
  Replies (47) Good night (5034) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old. http://tfl.nu/6kgo
  Replies (8) Good night (3622) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Jesus knows you're telling a lie.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Jesus knows you're telling a lie. (832): Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup http://tfl.nu/yiz0
  Replies (6) Good night (4655) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  well now I have to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home. (1-405): well now I have to http://tfl.nu/4hfb
  Replies (9) Good night (3632) Bad night (1636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested. http://tfl.nu/vry7
  Replies (15) Good night (4666) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is. http://tfl.nu/q4lm
  Replies (4) Good night (4532) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+27): View more from South Africa

  we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+27): we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end http://tfl.nu/vfas
  Replies (10) Good night (6228) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton? http://tfl.nu/kum0
  Replies (22) Good night (1189) Bad night (4286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs. http://tfl.nu/kpvs
  Replies (37) Good night (1659) Bad night (3508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now. http://tfl.nu/m857
  Replies (12) Good night (4358) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (101) Good night (33890) Bad night (3562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (289) Good night (62245) Bad night (4266)