OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
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