What changed your mind?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Loading more great texts...