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Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
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