Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
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