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  • Fuuuuuck that (and I am a lesbian, and fuck you)

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 11:51pm
  • My former fuck buddy was so turned on by the thought of doing it I told him "the morning you wake up and see me lying as sexy as hell, just do it". He totally did it.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 4:14pm
  • LOOOL this is too funny

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 3, 09 at 9:44pm
  • 11:13 ill remember to only stik it in yer butt when u sleep

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 27, 09 at 12:13am
  • i actually think its funny that there's people freaking out about this, when in all reality, the chick probably had his dick in her mouth only a few hours earlier...

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 26, 09 at 10:48pm
  • I wish my ex-bf had thought of that when I would snore. He'd do annoying things like put a pillow over my face or shove earplugs up my nose. Ugh. My hubby just elbows me and yells "Stop snoring!" I'd so prefer to wake up with a nice hard dick in my mouth any day!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 4, 09 at 3:56pm
  • i want to date the girl who sent this in. yes its weird. but she didnt freak out.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 28, 09 at 6:23pm
  • i finally figured out a way to stop my lady from snoring. thanks tfln!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 15, 09 at 4:06pm
  • Sexual Assult. Disgusting and low, and anyone who actually chooses to overlook that for a laugh is an ignorant coward. Shit like this shouldn't be on any site, I wish the mods had some better rules.

    Submitted by velociraptor on May 12, 10 at 11:58pm
  • 11:13 My penis just shriveled up and hid.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 11:19pm
  • i did the same thing but instead told her that her morning breath woke me up

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 22, 09 at 10:39pm
  • "I'm sure all of you guys on here would be somewhat upset if you woke up to a girl sitting on your face with her poon all in you mouth" Not really, especially if she said something funny in response.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 11, 09 at 9:15pm
  • cancerous lesbian witch is the greatest insult ive ever heard in an online argument. id call her a cumguzzling gutter whore. but damn yours was good. as far as those guys who may soon catch a woody next to a sleeping girls. remember this...vaginas dont bite. mouths do

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 4, 09 at 3:11am
  • The manly thing to do.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 4:26pm
  • I think you were with my exboyfriend...

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 1:33pm
  • Lol...that is too funny to be mad at.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 5, 09 at 2:38pm
  • I woke up with a chick tryna give me head at 3am I had no problem with it I let her finish.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 5:00pm
  • you shouldn't have asked anything just start sucking away, and when you were done you shoulda told him not to make it a habit.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 3:44pm
  • how are people on here so ridiculously uptight. im assuming these people were dating and she gives him head frequently making it a funny thing that they both laughed at the next day.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 10:03pm
  • this was deff on FML..

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 9:34pm
  • I'm sure all of you guys on here would be somewhat upset if you woke up to a girl sitting on your face with her poon all in you mouth

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 3, 09 at 11:18pm
  • If its in a relationship, its not a big deal. If its a one night stand/casual thing its assault because a sleeping person cannot give consent. If basic knowledge about sexual assault and consent laws makes me a lesbian, then I'll go hang up my i heart cocks badge and go find a i heart taco's badge. It was a really good answer though.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 11:49pm
  • I believe many of you have taken this out of proportion. A) Everyone here is being a sexist dumb-fuck when it is not necessary B) If the penis was in her mouth before she went to bed, it insinuates that is the place it was meant to rest. C)I feel like I'm the only one who thinks, judging by the context, that this is probably her boyfriend... so maybe even lighten-up as this whole site is for fun... D)Oh and she definitely deserved it if she was in his bed - JFC

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 30, 09 at 12:09pm
  • You got sleep creeped !

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 6:52pm
  • ahh that's so creepy

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 4:54pm
  • plus if you've got sleep apnea, his may have just saved your life

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 2:21pm
  • whats wrong with a little suprise sex?

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 2:05pm
  • need a moment, grab a snickers...

    Submitted by SserPrun95 on Sep 8, 10 at 2:10pm
  • the lesbian should eat rat poison. stupid cunt.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 7:37pm
  • Honestly after he said something that funny, you pretty much had to let him finish.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 1:44pm
  • So the next morning I rammed a spiked barb up his ass. When he asked me what I was doing I said I was trying to make him stop farting.

    Submitted by rapejesusfag on Mar 25, 10 at 12:28am
  • Bite it off. Then hit him over the head with it. and mail it to his mother with a note about how she is a dumb bitch who obviously should have her family tree cut the fuck down.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 7:18pm
  • 1:57 - a sleeping person cannot render consent.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 3:20pm
  • 1:47, really? People take shit too seriously..

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 1:55pm
  • haha thats huckin filarious

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 6, 09 at 10:57pm
  • This was taken from FML

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 27, 09 at 8:30pm
  • May 26, 2009 1:57PM and the other douchebags who agree... just because this poster things that having a guy stick his dick in her mouth while she is asleep/unconscious is sexual assault (which it is, btw, if it wasnt consentual. And from the average content of this site, this is probably not her bf) doesn't mean anything about the poster's sexuality. Not approving of sexual assault does not make you a lesbian, liking women makes you a lesbian, genius. haha May 27 1:29, I agree

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 27, 09 at 3:10pm
  • @ 3:20: Sleeping people may not be able to render consent, but apparently some lesbians can't take a joke, either.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 3:22pm
  • Seems legit...

    Submitted by NYCdood on Apr 25, 12 at 2:28am
  • HAHAHA omg i just cried laughing.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 27, 09 at 7:01pm
  • so fukin funi... ppl lighten up!! if my fella did it i wuda laughed!! x

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 27, 09 at 5:24am
  • lol, is that effective?

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 30, 09 at 5:29pm
  • Like someone said before "Honestly after he said something that funny, you pretty much had to let him finish."

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 28, 09 at 5:35am
  • 10:35 Only 1 in 4? Damn! Gentlemen, we need to step it up! Let's get those numbers up to at least 3 out of 4. YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 29, 09 at 6:58am
  • OHHH 10:35 get a grip...i think it's hysterical. and i'm a girl

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 28, 09 at 2:15pm
  • @ 3:42: Maybe, but at least I don't have a pole rammed up my ass.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 3:43pm
  • 3:22, you are an idiot

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 3:42pm
  • i wake my girlfriend up like this all the time.... she loves it!!

    Submitted by Violator on Sep 30, 10 at 2:51pm
  • You should fart on his face while he is sleeping

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 3:51pm
  • best answer I've heard in a while.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 3:02pm
  • O_O That's definitely sexual assault. I'm not a lesbian, before you ask, just someone who knows what they're talking about. It was a clever answer, though.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 9:43pm
  • SEXUAL ASSUALT??! you cancerous lesbian witch. if they are sleeping in the same bed, it aint sexual assault. its just weird.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 1:57pm
  • my thought? this website is for fun. this girl wouldnt post it if it was serious. AND its not my life, not my business. idgaf if it was sexual assault. thats her life, not mine. this was funny. id bite and not feel bad at all. if it was my gf and not my bf, id be the one in there face! XD (yes, im a bisexual girl)

    Submitted by eatmelover69 on Mar 24, 10 at 1:53am
  • That's would be awesome if he succeded!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 31, 09 at 8:38pm
  • Awesome how many people want to applaud sexual assault and jump all over people who understand that most people don't appreciate having their bodies violated without their consent or knowledge. No wonder more than 1 in 4 women is raped in her lifetime. Goddamn, I wish I was a lesbian. This makes me never want to go near a man again in my life.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 28, 09 at 10:35am
  • i think if i tried to do that and my gf woke up she'd be so surprised she'd punch my balls, and then feel bad and nurse them back to well-being. with her mouth. fairly certain thats what would happen..Pr

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 27, 09 at 4:10pm
  • Ummm u all rock for the lezbos and girls amen u girls rock not u fuckin guy dilholes

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jun 15, 09 at 7:52pm
  • wow, way to make immature fights over someone's TEXT. YOU'RE fucking COOL, dude.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 27, 09 at 10:14am
  • oral sex is illegal in most states. no matter what.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 19, 09 at 12:07am
  • 3:43 and 3:42, way to change the subject to be about yourselves. Do that often? It is quite annoying... I think it is hilarious you woke up... it would be pretty boring for him if you didn't!

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 3:51pm
  • look on the bright side, at least he didn't just shoot on your face while you were asleep

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 27, 09 at 12:24am
  • deep breath everyone, mouth fucking is only assault if the sleeper wakes up and says stop...of course with junk in your mouth, it's hard to say anything at all

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 27, 09 at 2:19pm
  • No this Is a fucking hilarious win for the guy

    Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 28, 09 at 2:58pm
  • Dude is an ass... ...but his answer is awesome.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 1:32pm
  • my ex tried something similar once. i was tripping and i did bite it.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 11:13pm
  • that's sexual assault. get rid of him before something worse happens!

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 29, 09 at 2:11pm
  • You people are way to upset about this--it's fuckin' hilarious!

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 27, 09 at 7:04pm
  • My ex used to suck my dick to wake me up

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 29, 09 at 2:03am
  • ^ stfu, no one cares.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 28, 09 at 2:29am
  • break up with him now!

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 1:55pm
  • all of you screaming 'off with his dick!' are either dirty road whores or uptight.. it depends on the relationship. if it's a one night stand, then yea. but it could be ok in a good relationship

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 9:24pm
  • california! alameda! the bay! castro valley.... haha i know this shit

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 30, 09 at 3:59am
  • that mustve created SUCH an awkward moment after he said that.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 5:02pm
  • Wow 6:58.... That's wrong, and yet i am still laughing... It's all crap by the way.... I was passed out drunk once and my girl got on top of me and road me... She tells me she's sorry the next day.... I ask for what she tells me!!! I high fived myself for days for getting it up in my sleep.... Seriously have a sense of humor, that's the only reason we read this site.... It's not to put your little soap box up and start preaching.... Rolan

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 29, 09 at 12:22pm
  • DEFINITELY MY EX shit creepy people. watch out

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 4:58pm
  • @ May 26, 2009 1:57PM SEXUAL ASSUALT??! you cancerous lesbian witch. if they are sleeping in the same bed, it aint sexual assault. its just weird. THAT'S THE FUNNIEST SHIT I'VE EVER HEARD!!

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 27, 09 at 7:37am
  • he should have taped it across the top, like those nose strips.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 2:26pm
  • What an asshole. That's sexual assault.

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 26, 09 at 1:47pm
  • from a lesbian's perspective: if i woke up with my girlfriends vag in my face i'd prolly take advantage!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 20, 09 at 7:28pm
  • yeah theres always a silver lining

    Submitted by Anonymous on May 27, 09 at 12:55am
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