Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
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Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she smelled like a LAN party
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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