Texts From Last Night · onceler22's Favorites

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onceler22's Favorites Texts:

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(206): View more from Washington

I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.

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(216): View more from Ohio

Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof

(206): View more from Washington

nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?

(808): View more from Hawaii

try again roofio

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(317): View more from Indiana

my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(971): View more from Oregon

He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.

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(587): View more from Alberta

Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.

(306): View more from Saskatchewan

There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!

(1-204): View more from Manitoba

Thanks, mom, will do

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(803): View more from South Carolina

What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.

(609): View more from New Jersey

Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.

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