just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
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