Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
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