I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
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