Kaylib2514's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised... http://tfl.nu/ztyt
  Replies (38) Good night (3886) Bad night (2119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction. http://tfl.nu/75bn
  Replies (3) Good night (729) Bad night (236)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie http://tfl.nu/26xl
  Replies (1) Good night (654) Bad night (215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?" http://tfl.nu/3rqz
  Replies (4) Good night (1399) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL. http://tfl.nu/149w
  Replies (12) Good night (553) Bad night (1974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex... http://tfl.nu/wlmu
  Replies (12) Good night (2621) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers. http://tfl.nu/w57w
  Replies (7) Good night (1871) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard. http://tfl.nu/vzps
  Replies (8) Good night (596) Bad night (1180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life http://tfl.nu/m1em
  Replies (8) Good night (2395) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me. http://tfl.nu/hltr
  Replies (16) Good night (722) Bad night (1350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock http://tfl.nu/wbdd
  Replies (9) Good night (1795) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life... http://tfl.nu/7jwj
  Replies (17) Good night (2066) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I wish your snatch was here

  (443): View more from Maryland

  If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I wish your snatch was here (443): If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you http://tfl.nu/x7y8
  Replies (12) Good night (1471) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM http://tfl.nu/7din
  Replies (9) Good night (1670) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep http://tfl.nu/07gg
  Replies (6) Good night (1796) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome. http://tfl.nu/hol9
  Replies (6) Good night (2213) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body http://tfl.nu/f4bm
  Replies (10) Good night (1434) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN

  (1-626): View more from California

  we're fated to lesbian

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN (1-626): we're fated to lesbian http://tfl.nu/bohp
  Replies (5) Good night (1078) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality. http://tfl.nu/t1cp
  Replies (9) Good night (902) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner. http://tfl.nu/2dny
  Replies (6) Good night (955) Bad night (296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern. http://tfl.nu/mfwl
  Replies (17) Good night (2054) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff... http://tfl.nu/wq37
  Replies (3) Good night (415) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals http://tfl.nu/fp9n
  Replies (5) Good night (578) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE. http://tfl.nu/afff
  Replies (4) Good night (1310) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend. http://tfl.nu/7cvr
  Replies (13) Good night (1489) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with? http://tfl.nu/cuy6
  Replies (7) Good night (1220) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  Did you watch the carolina game tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;) (1-803): Did you watch the carolina game tonight? http://tfl.nu/ae37
  Replies (18) Good night (2144) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen http://tfl.nu/up6u
  Replies (3) Good night (694) Bad night (1170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I gasped. Both pairs of lips did. http://tfl.nu/2kuf
  Replies (4) Good night (2045) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety. http://tfl.nu/31qs
  Replies (3) Good night (1407) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad http://tfl.nu/ehr3
  Replies (8) Good night (691) Bad night (1772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked. http://tfl.nu/770z
  Replies (4) Good night (1523) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes http://tfl.nu/04pj
  Replies (4) Good night (848) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood http://tfl.nu/1at9
  Replies (5) Good night (1104) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk http://tfl.nu/s1mo
  Replies (4) Good night (656) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it .. http://tfl.nu/xli3
  Replies (11) Good night (2677) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME. http://tfl.nu/yb98
  Replies (10) Good night (589) Bad night (1127) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget." http://tfl.nu/mx4s
  Replies (4) Good night (1732) Bad night (352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party http://tfl.nu/1oc7
  Replies (3) Good night (685) Bad night (280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat. http://tfl.nu/cjmw
  Replies (2) Good night (1142) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later". http://tfl.nu/gid9
  Replies (12) Good night (779) Bad night (1187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise. http://tfl.nu/7qvp
  Replies (8) Good night (2027) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. http://tfl.nu/n4ph
  Replies (6) Good night (684) Bad night (1451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless http://tfl.nu/5o22
  Replies (10) Good night (1771) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover. http://tfl.nu/xecz
  Replies (18) Good night (6457) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0
  Replies (35) Good night (12174) Bad night (1280)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's. http://tfl.nu/x6q1
  Replies (18) Good night (3046) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD http://tfl.nu/div0
  Replies (13) Good night (1297) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you. http://tfl.nu/9kp9
  Replies (4) Good night (2589) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome. http://tfl.nu/qq5z
  Replies (8) Good night (4192) Bad night (1656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): 2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out. http://tfl.nu/1knp
  Replies (26) Good night (7574) Bad night (1309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/jhba
  Replies (16) Good night (4810) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch". http://tfl.nu/00r2
  Replies (18) Good night (5207) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO http://tfl.nu/qx0l
  Replies (14) Good night (2357) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is http://tfl.nu/zc14
  Replies (2) Good night (1086) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  Who in tha hell do u hang out with?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls. (1-615): Who in tha hell do u hang out with? http://tfl.nu/cxra
  Replies (5) Good night (1895) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Do you know how to give stiches?

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  I do not...this text concerns me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Do you know how to give stiches? (1-612): I do not...this text concerns me http://tfl.nu/8jm1
  Replies (5) Good night (1526) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now http://tfl.nu/aqb9
  Replies (11) Good night (1734) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends http://tfl.nu/blvs
  Replies (2) Good night (1230) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I can dry shave vagina like a champ

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I can dry shave vagina like a champ http://tfl.nu/x1sm
  Replies (20) Good night (500) Bad night (1695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.

  (1-315): View more from New York

  How small IS your cock?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing. (1-315): How small IS your cock? http://tfl.nu/y2pr
  Replies (6) Good night (1428) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too. http://tfl.nu/d0fo
  Replies (24) Good night (7453) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them http://tfl.nu/szer
  Replies (14) Good night (2273) Bad night (6266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester http://tfl.nu/20yd
  Replies (11) Good night (520) Bad night (2853)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along. http://tfl.nu/rnt1
  Replies (3) Good night (2450) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/4gbf
  Replies (17) Good night (1042) Bad night (3328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You're barking up the wrong lesbian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): You're barking up the wrong lesbian. http://tfl.nu/4ul9
  Replies (11) Good night (4184) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it. http://tfl.nu/6k4w
  Replies (18) Good night (4845) Bad night (1175)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness http://tfl.nu/l65r
  Replies (17) Good night (3055) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges. (1-313): Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss. http://tfl.nu/0qrk
  Replies (4) Good night (3131) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind. http://tfl.nu/avf5
  Replies (6) Good night (3856) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Good morning to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday? (1-203): Good morning to you http://tfl.nu/rc7c
  Replies (12) Good night (4767) Bad night (2017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special http://tfl.nu/g9sh
  Replies (11) Good night (5706) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course. http://tfl.nu/y9iu
  Replies (55) Good night (15895) Bad night (1251)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom. http://tfl.nu/3nbn
  Replies (10) Good night (810) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT. http://tfl.nu/zwn2
  Replies (3) Good night (2545) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/yci0
  Replies (16) Good night (3679) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her http://tfl.nu/aiow
  Replies (36) Good night (1516) Bad night (4132)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid. http://tfl.nu/bnv7
  Replies (20) Good night (1173) Bad night (3845)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening http://tfl.nu/wlci
  Replies (4) Good night (1142) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything. http://tfl.nu/jcb8
  Replies (4) Good night (1870) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro http://tfl.nu/kq10
  Replies (24) Good night (3992) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy http://tfl.nu/as9c
  Replies (5) Good night (2261) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut http://tfl.nu/q1db
  Replies (8) Good night (2477) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You're the best wingman ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you. (843): You're the best wingman ever. http://tfl.nu/wgzf
  Replies (13) Good night (2420) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina. http://tfl.nu/1pki
  Replies (5) Good night (1792) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after. http://tfl.nu/9oxv
  Replies (41) Good night (1163) Bad night (7413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us.. http://tfl.nu/2996
  Replies (20) Good night (3284) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  All I want is tacobeell and your body

  (1-925): View more from California

  that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): All I want is tacobeell and your body (1-925): that's my favorite sentence you've ever said. http://tfl.nu/3boc
  Replies (8) Good night (2723) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for. http://tfl.nu/hm3o
  Replies (7) Good night (920) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan. http://tfl.nu/rfh9
  Replies (4) Good night (1713) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me. http://tfl.nu/23ps
  Replies (8) Good night (3884) Bad night (626)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog. http://tfl.nu/t7wp
  Replies (7) Good night (2228) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex". http://tfl.nu/cd1v
  Replies (42) Good night (19404) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus http://tfl.nu/7gt9
  Replies (5) Good night (1177) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.

  (949): View more from California

  she's my drunk super hero.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds. (949): she's my drunk super hero. http://tfl.nu/ngha
  Replies (17) Good night (5537) Bad night (1099)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  engineering majors are such efficient drunks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell. (410): engineering majors are such efficient drunks. http://tfl.nu/xm4l
  Replies (22) Good night (8108) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him... http://tfl.nu/efrg
  Replies (36) Good night (5954) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro" http://tfl.nu/ltp9
  Replies (3) Good night (1991) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!" http://tfl.nu/pxgz
  Replies (9) Good night (2630) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts

  (805): View more from California

  YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts are serious business

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH (1-805): budget cuts (805): YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS (1-805): budget cuts are serious business http://tfl.nu/xrnj
  Replies (14) Good night (3821) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of. http://tfl.nu/s19w
  Replies (7) Good night (1276) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident? http://tfl.nu/46ya
  Replies (16) Good night (3047) Bad night (1850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough" http://tfl.nu/d4rh
  Replies (16) Good night (1423) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME. http://tfl.nu/tcyr
  Replies (15) Good night (4588) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/j615
  Replies (4) Good night (962) Bad night (2008)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU. http://tfl.nu/87a2
  Replies (4) Good night (2077) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade http://tfl.nu/zmei
  Replies (22) Good night (4480) Bad night (1624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex http://tfl.nu/a38e
  Replies (14) Good night (945) Bad night (4268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms. (1-913): So you know, I'm making that my facebook status. http://tfl.nu/4s8l
  Replies (24) Good night (7610) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful. http://tfl.nu/xfy4
  Replies (9) Good night (1962) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  What do you think it is?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): What do you think it is? (615): It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow. http://tfl.nu/3ng4
  Replies (12) Good night (4876) Bad night (1446)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself http://tfl.nu/s870
  Replies (6) Good night (3446) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+97): View more from

  Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+97): Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer. http://tfl.nu/wfti
  Replies (8) Good night (1428) Bad night (291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired. http://tfl.nu/xk23
  Replies (4) Good night (846) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Please be lying.

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Im not. Your family was creeped out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased (314): Please be lying. (636): Im not. Your family was creeped out http://tfl.nu/82lj
  Replies (8) Good night (920) Bad night (1752)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk. http://tfl.nu/4vbt
  Replies (4) Good night (1577) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive? http://tfl.nu/un6m
  Replies (9) Good night (4458) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year. http://tfl.nu/yrzl
  Replies (10) Good night (1757) Bad night (3108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country http://tfl.nu/39z8
  Replies (16) Good night (4712) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Best friends brother. Beat that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): Best friends brother. Beat that. http://tfl.nu/zx73
  Replies (91) Good night (6194) Bad night (1288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums http://tfl.nu/96xk
  Replies (12) Good night (956) Bad night (1776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from http://tfl.nu/4gf0
  Replies (12) Good night (2371) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy http://tfl.nu/5thn
  Replies (9) Good night (2212) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt http://tfl.nu/uly3
  Replies (14) Good night (1611) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT. http://tfl.nu/pk4z
  Replies (4) Good night (1281) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?! http://tfl.nu/qizp
  Replies (4) Good night (1210) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am. http://tfl.nu/roar
  Replies (13) Good night (1771) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View. http://tfl.nu/be63
  Replies (12) Good night (717) Bad night (2334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING. http://tfl.nu/p2v7
  Replies (13) Good night (2955) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands. http://tfl.nu/2kp5
  Replies (20) Good night (678) Bad night (2531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I hate freshman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them. (205): I hate freshman. http://tfl.nu/44or
  Replies (23) Good night (1777) Bad night (5189)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again? http://tfl.nu/8hv0
  Replies (7) Good night (1713) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Bring gay.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Bring gay. (250): By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay. http://tfl.nu/xg2s
  Replies (3) Good night (1921) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes. http://tfl.nu/xsso
  Replies (8) Good night (969) Bad night (318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in.. http://tfl.nu/ctm0
  Replies (5) Good night (1084) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up. http://tfl.nu/xd0y
  Replies (5) Good night (1629) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana... http://tfl.nu/pyu2
  Replies (21) Good night (1732) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW. http://tfl.nu/zij5
  Replies (24) Good night (945) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  We need more drag queens in our life I've decided

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): We need more drag queens in our life I've decided http://tfl.nu/77cl
  Replies (3) Good night (976) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon

  (310): View more from California

  Fuck you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon (310): Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/u7vm
  Replies (6) Good night (1972) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story http://tfl.nu/kctl
  Replies (3) Good night (1707) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands. http://tfl.nu/f2kb
  Replies (12) Good night (3779) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns. http://tfl.nu/xebd
  Replies (56) Good night (13468) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore.. http://tfl.nu/qq6k
  Replies (8) Good night (1093) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.

  (1-909): View more from California

  Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets. (1-909): Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon. http://tfl.nu/867u
  Replies (4) Good night (2142) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX. http://tfl.nu/l62p
  Replies (7) Good night (1528) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too http://tfl.nu/t8cv
  Replies (17) Good night (4709) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love? http://tfl.nu/7zb0
  Replies (19) Good night (4083) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick http://tfl.nu/smiy
  Replies (7) Good night (1683) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS. http://tfl.nu/26xz
  Replies (37) Good night (9631) Bad night (2026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah http://tfl.nu/jyz7
  Replies (9) Good night (2111) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing. http://tfl.nu/i0rl
  Replies (20) Good night (8200) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase. http://tfl.nu/ejib
  Replies (4) Good night (1209) Bad night (1839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies. http://tfl.nu/iuff
  Replies (14) Good night (2196) Bad night (1698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man http://tfl.nu/fxmb
  Replies (32) Good night (7213) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there. http://tfl.nu/q6gx
  Replies (30) Good night (4929) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!" http://tfl.nu/kl2h
  Replies (38) Good night (19098) Bad night (1347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. http://tfl.nu/5a88
  Replies (175) Good night (6373) Bad night (79731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there http://tfl.nu/89or
  Replies (36) Good night (933) Bad night (7061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over. http://tfl.nu/n4d4
  Replies (43) Good night (929) Bad night (8610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
  Replies (595) Good night (4825) Bad night (101289)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job. http://tfl.nu/97jt
  Replies (18) Good night (7904) Bad night (1710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on. http://tfl.nu/3dyc
  Replies (31) Good night (773) Bad night (9512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public.... http://tfl.nu/rq3r
  Replies (24) Good night (7232) Bad night (1630)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise. http://tfl.nu/943e
  Replies (25) Good night (7349) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country. http://tfl.nu/04vq
  Replies (18) Good night (5655) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs. http://tfl.nu/7j97
  Replies (25) Good night (5608) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me. http://tfl.nu/vc9f
  Replies (16) Good night (5853) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it. http://tfl.nu/ex81
  Replies (2) Good night (858) Bad night (2090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly' http://tfl.nu/2ku4
  Replies (6) Good night (3761) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!" http://tfl.nu/n0v3
  Replies (2) Good night (1379) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to http://tfl.nu/cyq1
  Replies (13) Good night (4745) Bad night (948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  I regret nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal. (1-702): I regret nothing http://tfl.nu/jdko
  Replies (12) Good night (2367) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW. http://tfl.nu/b38y
  Replies (16) Good night (2565) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Things like this can't be explained over text man

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning? (404): Things like this can't be explained over text man http://tfl.nu/zzxh
  Replies (22) Good night (4247) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with. http://tfl.nu/r42s
  Replies (13) Good night (2544) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (25740) Bad night (4386)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win. http://tfl.nu/b8se
  Replies (15) Good night (5169) Bad night (1096)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk
  Replies (63) Good night (21449) Bad night (1108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever. http://tfl.nu/6dcd
  Replies (20) Good night (6224) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later" http://tfl.nu/lryz
  Replies (19) Good night (10220) Bad night (1580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls. http://tfl.nu/83jv
  Replies (16) Good night (6197) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole" http://tfl.nu/hdok
  Replies (11) Good night (1169) Bad night (2565)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now. http://tfl.nu/h06b
  Replies (9) Good night (1939) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like http://tfl.nu/ol8k
  Replies (72) Good night (12561) Bad night (1138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies." (401): I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are. http://tfl.nu/26v4
  Replies (17) Good night (4927) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW. http://tfl.nu/qeni
  Replies (23) Good night (3557) Bad night (710)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango (1-717): IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN. http://tfl.nu/b5hl
  Replies (44) Good night (1468) Bad night (5110)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU. http://tfl.nu/rhle
  Replies (16) Good night (5202) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR. http://tfl.nu/pgie
  Replies (44) Good night (1065) Bad night (9726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life. http://tfl.nu/7aby
  Replies (28) Good night (562) Bad night (4829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina. http://tfl.nu/uqet
  Replies (7) Good night (3825) Bad night (728)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it... http://tfl.nu/upfp
  Replies (14) Good night (1522) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened. http://tfl.nu/spf0
  Replies (4) Good night (3289) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend (1-775): I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman http://tfl.nu/d80q
  Replies (10) Good night (2389) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility http://tfl.nu/15q1
  Replies (7) Good night (1307) Bad night (668)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH. http://tfl.nu/5zhv
  Replies (22) Good night (7085) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too. http://tfl.nu/2www
  Replies (42) Good night (1623) Bad night (14111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price. http://tfl.nu/xxnk
  Replies (8) Good night (3039) Bad night (325)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home http://tfl.nu/rtxe
  Replies (4) Good night (1735) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Hello wreck, this is your train calling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Hello wreck, this is your train calling. http://tfl.nu/qxsk
  Replies (13) Good night (5490) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!" http://tfl.nu/ndk1
  Replies (4) Good night (4806) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since. http://tfl.nu/ovf5
  Replies (8) Good night (4151) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle. http://tfl.nu/il9h
  Replies (33) Good night (7952) Bad night (1287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  DRUNK CANOEING

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Please text me if you survive.

  (207): View more from Maine

  LAND HO BITCH

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): DRUNK CANOEING (804): Please text me if you survive. (207): LAND HO BITCH http://tfl.nu/6y3l
  Replies (27) Good night (9985) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog http://tfl.nu/ckju
  Replies (6) Good night (1180) Bad night (2856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does" http://tfl.nu/16y8
  Replies (16) Good night (1713) Bad night (6485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts http://tfl.nu/npv2
  Replies (17) Good night (6593) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/pzgc
  Replies (13) Good night (3744) Bad night (1090)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night http://tfl.nu/mp67
  Replies (7) Good night (2967) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god" http://tfl.nu/2xo4
  Replies (10) Good night (4206) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  foreskin is a definite game changer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): foreskin is a definite game changer http://tfl.nu/oi5r
  Replies (24) Good night (922) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls. http://tfl.nu/wzfh
  Replies (9) Good night (2729) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes... http://tfl.nu/9zzk
  Replies (70) Good night (1116) Bad night (11088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak. http://tfl.nu/lf5p
  Replies (2) Good night (833) Bad night (1614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/2jpe
  Replies (5) Good night (1130) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives http://tfl.nu/kcvk
  Replies (13) Good night (4553) Bad night (1003)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY???? http://tfl.nu/05jz
  Replies (7) Good night (1290) Bad night (278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed. http://tfl.nu/z812
  Replies (22) Good night (1293) Bad night (4677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester? http://tfl.nu/lq06
  Replies (20) Good night (4312) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet. http://tfl.nu/ancz
  Replies (10) Good night (3822) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up. http://tfl.nu/oo6k
  Replies (4) Good night (508) Bad night (1364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive. http://tfl.nu/za3k
  Replies (7) Good night (3115) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE http://tfl.nu/fcs3
  Replies (8) Good night (3796) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup http://tfl.nu/4mdx
  Replies (6) Good night (955) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose. http://tfl.nu/p7by
  Replies (14) Good night (2737) Bad night (925)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Did i throw a brick at someone last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): Did i throw a brick at someone last night? http://tfl.nu/tk7m
  Replies (15) Good night (5612) Bad night (1311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please. http://tfl.nu/1q4n
  Replies (17) Good night (7842) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it. http://tfl.nu/1xwb
  Replies (12) Good night (4209) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed

  (949): View more from California

  Someone's stooooned

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed (949): Someone's stooooned http://tfl.nu/d50z
  Replies (13) Good night (1782) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back. http://tfl.nu/n0f2
  Replies (21) Good night (491) Bad night (1808)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys. http://tfl.nu/t4sn
  Replies (6) Good night (984) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know. http://tfl.nu/nlx4
  Replies (6) Good night (1497) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy http://tfl.nu/ttbi
  Replies (5) Good night (1066) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience. http://tfl.nu/wox2
  Replies (16) Good night (1155) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass. http://tfl.nu/xi9h
  Replies (63) Good night (20370) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/unry
  Replies (66) Good night (25126) Bad night (2649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (63) Good night (27878) Bad night (1192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (210) Good night (31723) Bad night (2855)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (82) Good night (33430) Bad night (1291)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it http://tfl.nu/8kg8
  Replies (216) Good night (33615) Bad night (2240)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (180) Good night (36470) Bad night (4993)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38538) Bad night (1468)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59135) Bad night (7125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (152) Good night (65394) Bad night (3441)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73392) Bad night (2472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon. http://tfl.nu/kbkd
  Replies (8) Good night (1038) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else. http://tfl.nu/yur0
  Replies (47) Good night (12805) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is. http://tfl.nu/1m0s
  Replies (11) Good night (2097) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground http://tfl.nu/1ixq
  Replies (2) Good night (656) Bad night (1766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop. http://tfl.nu/p3uz
  Replies (10) Good night (3490) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout http://tfl.nu/u300
  Replies (6) Good night (2473) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock" http://tfl.nu/hp1z
  Replies (26) Good night (4635) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together. http://tfl.nu/5v90
  Replies (9) Good night (1714) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses.. http://tfl.nu/gsxe
  Replies (14) Good night (1663) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick... (320): He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis. http://tfl.nu/fuv3
  Replies (25) Good night (2026) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in. http://tfl.nu/z4b8
  Replies (9) Good night (5274) Bad night (2058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/ob9t
  Replies (28) Good night (8990) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos. http://tfl.nu/dk8h
  Replies (12) Good night (2638) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered. http://tfl.nu/02c6
  Replies (18) Good night (4303) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor http://tfl.nu/56ek
  Replies (5) Good night (3056) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season. http://tfl.nu/uyun
  Replies (17) Good night (5526) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left. http://tfl.nu/846c
  Replies (3) Good night (1324) Bad night (317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS http://tfl.nu/4mur
  Replies (7) Good night (1621) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I'm back here naked if anyones wondering

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I'm back here naked if anyones wondering http://tfl.nu/k937
  Replies (3) Good night (1025) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning http://tfl.nu/ntuq
  Replies (14) Good night (1748) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street. http://tfl.nu/lc9z
  Replies (6) Good night (1316) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation. http://tfl.nu/1i3x
  Replies (7) Good night (1236) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement. http://tfl.nu/2735
  Replies (8) Good night (1385) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis. http://tfl.nu/x2c8
  Replies (4) Good night (1901) Bad night (411)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Touche.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door? (910): That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating? (770): Touche. (910): I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR. http://tfl.nu/rwye
  Replies (6) Good night (3781) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant http://tfl.nu/lnj1
  Replies (40) Good night (4830) Bad night (1441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  To a 70 year old lady?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face" (774): To a 70 year old lady?! http://tfl.nu/99j2
  Replies (20) Good night (4811) Bad night (1895)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out http://tfl.nu/xh8n
  Replies (2) Good night (1333) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks. http://tfl.nu/2lc5
  Replies (11) Good night (6394) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week. http://tfl.nu/dxsu
  Replies (5) Good night (2913) Bad night (1377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality. http://tfl.nu/dmqi
  Replies (9) Good night (1976) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore.... (774): HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance http://tfl.nu/0qjd
  Replies (4) Good night (1701) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's. http://tfl.nu/a874
  Replies (6) Good night (2731) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke. http://tfl.nu/z4fd
  Replies (19) Good night (6434) Bad night (1450)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes? http://tfl.nu/3emh
  Replies (4) Good night (1116) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered http://tfl.nu/5zea
  Replies (6) Good night (2879) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon. http://tfl.nu/pf2r
  Replies (21) Good night (7022) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship. http://tfl.nu/s5mh
  Replies (17) Good night (2115) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine? http://tfl.nu/wblw
  Replies (39) Good night (3965) Bad night (1685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever. http://tfl.nu/gq2j
  Replies (27) Good night (2582) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb. http://tfl.nu/1qwr
  Replies (5) Good night (1886) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house. http://tfl.nu/ztys
  Replies (7) Good night (3355) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die. http://tfl.nu/gibq
  Replies (12) Good night (1100) Bad night (4867)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM. http://tfl.nu/cuq6
  Replies (15) Good night (2504) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is? http://tfl.nu/g1vx
  Replies (7) Good night (2668) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity http://tfl.nu/5clm
  Replies (4) Good night (709) Bad night (2653)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok. http://tfl.nu/maiz
  Replies (20) Good night (4737) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing. http://tfl.nu/ut8a
  Replies (4) Good night (3143) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs. http://tfl.nu/8989
  Replies (5) Good night (782) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop. http://tfl.nu/d7w3
  Replies (3) Good night (2944) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever. http://tfl.nu/s134
  Replies (12) Good night (705) Bad night (2254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs http://tfl.nu/j1c8
  Replies (6) Good night (2388) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping" http://tfl.nu/vogg
  Replies (17) Good night (9170) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible. http://tfl.nu/a5mz
  Replies (6) Good night (2701) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face. http://tfl.nu/bq6r
  Replies (9) Good night (469) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear http://tfl.nu/97on
  Replies (6) Good night (1931) Bad night (1236)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ http://tfl.nu/h11a
  Replies (15) Good night (2923) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going. http://tfl.nu/qkax
  Replies (19) Good night (1521) Bad night (3156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.

  (1-716): View more from New York

  momma always taught us never to change for a boy..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack. (1-716): momma always taught us never to change for a boy.. http://tfl.nu/3cjy
  Replies (17) Good night (6253) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set http://tfl.nu/ske1
  Replies (6) Good night (496) Bad night (1623)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon. http://tfl.nu/yvgl
  Replies (6) Good night (1515) Bad night (529)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either. http://tfl.nu/ap8x
  Replies (6) Good night (2613) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out. http://tfl.nu/9ic8
  Replies (8) Good night (4578) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51
  Replies (98) Good night (27346) Bad night (1735)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while. http://tfl.nu/y6er
  Replies (10) Good night (1004) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight. http://tfl.nu/ukm0
  Replies (20) Good night (4666) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral. http://tfl.nu/7nti
  Replies (3) Good night (2290) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning. http://tfl.nu/i0lg
  Replies (6) Good night (2866) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone http://tfl.nu/kic6
  Replies (16) Good night (3524) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  you are way too vulgar to be a girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION? (410): you are way too vulgar to be a girl http://tfl.nu/3shx
  Replies (20) Good night (7993) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head. (847): Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st http://tfl.nu/ptod
  Replies (6) Good night (3235) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN http://tfl.nu/beux
  Replies (10) Good night (716) Bad night (1438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro. http://tfl.nu/xp1k
  Replies (4) Good night (1347) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night http://tfl.nu/for8
  Replies (9) Good night (4704) Bad night (1478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Best pick-up line ever!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck." (1-806): Best pick-up line ever! http://tfl.nu/plrf
  Replies (35) Good night (9568) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now. http://tfl.nu/744a
  Replies (24) Good night (5638) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance. http://tfl.nu/3lur
  Replies (32) Good night (9431) Bad night (1811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis. http://tfl.nu/t2k7
  Replies (14) Good night (989) Bad night (4736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom. http://tfl.nu/yu7b
  Replies (23) Good night (6852) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x http://tfl.nu/rt6u
  Replies (10) Good night (7780) Bad night (1047)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars. http://tfl.nu/bno3
  Replies (9) Good night (1640) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader? http://tfl.nu/orgq
  Replies (31) Good night (7717) Bad night (1548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus http://tfl.nu/f2or
  Replies (5) Good night (1321) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls. http://tfl.nu/z40q
  Replies (16) Good night (4243) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited. http://tfl.nu/8ftm
  Replies (26) Good night (16144) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom... http://tfl.nu/f7p5
  Replies (18) Good night (1290) Bad night (6153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex

  (206): View more from Washington

  Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex (206): Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy http://tfl.nu/0aky
  Replies (16) Good night (2491) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today. http://tfl.nu/j3kd
  Replies (3) Good night (1925) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway. http://tfl.nu/zfm5
  Replies (1) Good night (2394) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness. http://tfl.nu/c3xi
  Replies (7) Good night (1263) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers" http://tfl.nu/x36v
  Replies (6) Good night (2607) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  How did she break his doorknob?

  (1+41): View more from

  That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+41): How did she break his doorknob? (1+41): That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought. http://tfl.nu/2qqq
  Replies (4) Good night (1633) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand. http://tfl.nu/fda6
  Replies (39) Good night (1727) Bad night (5192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out. http://tfl.nu/hn3q
  Replies (3) Good night (1796) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands. http://tfl.nu/vf34
  Replies (5) Good night (2760) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible... (1-203): your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen http://tfl.nu/mgfl
  Replies (20) Good night (5391) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do http://tfl.nu/m83n
  Replies (30) Good night (3289) Bad night (1491)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever. http://tfl.nu/0i0j
  Replies (31) Good night (790) Bad night (5767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready. http://tfl.nu/z83a
  Replies (9) Good night (4803) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you. http://tfl.nu/ievp
  Replies (8) Good night (1813) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day. http://tfl.nu/2m2t
  Replies (13) Good night (2512) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES. http://tfl.nu/idd1
  Replies (27) Good night (1433) Bad night (4064) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark. http://tfl.nu/dx9e
  Replies (16) Good night (2140) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (41) Good night (37114) Bad night (1388)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  and what did he say?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world. (1-614): and what did he say? (614): there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning. http://tfl.nu/xi47
  Replies (50) Good night (12719) Bad night (1030)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her. http://tfl.nu/mczp
  Replies (28) Good night (2500) Bad night (11877)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor! http://tfl.nu/4jfz
  Replies (10) Good night (1791) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character http://tfl.nu/1uae
  Replies (8) Good night (3484) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground? http://tfl.nu/issb
  Replies (19) Good night (4326) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number.. http://tfl.nu/ftuv
  Replies (15) Good night (4061) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down... http://tfl.nu/5zyg
  Replies (6) Good night (2299) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets. http://tfl.nu/gp9t
  Replies (21) Good night (8139) Bad night (1025)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice. http://tfl.nu/qyuj
  Replies (7) Good night (5916) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  it is a toga and you are a goddess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted (1-615): it is a toga and you are a goddess. http://tfl.nu/2t04
  Replies (15) Good night (4692) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?" http://tfl.nu/t9pp
  Replies (7) Good night (4933) Bad night (1281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese. http://tfl.nu/bzrb
  Replies (7) Good night (3203) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans. http://tfl.nu/out8
  Replies (5) Good night (1374) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk? http://tfl.nu/ayp8
  Replies (2) Good night (450) Bad night (1452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room. http://tfl.nu/9wgv
  Replies (7) Good night (4186) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Challenge accepted. See you in hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month. (662): Challenge accepted. See you in hell. http://tfl.nu/tj98
  Replies (28) Good night (6942) Bad night (778)
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (787): 1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while http://tfl.nu/u6qo
  Replies (17) Good night (1174) Bad night (7027)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain? http://tfl.nu/uh45
  Replies (6) Good night (2331) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle. http://tfl.nu/3imx
  Replies (7) Good night (1521) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (50) Good night (19647) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (16203) Bad night (1168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me (970): Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere http://tfl.nu/25bl
  Replies (12) Good night (2415) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend. http://tfl.nu/xojm
  Replies (18) Good night (4743) Bad night (2049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here. http://tfl.nu/s43y
  Replies (15) Good night (4755) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius http://tfl.nu/ay4s
  Replies (25) Good night (2821) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me. http://tfl.nu/s4ft
  Replies (36) Good night (6972) Bad night (1353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/pyht
  Replies (10) Good night (3947) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend http://tfl.nu/ejvb
  Replies (10) Good night (3167) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties. http://tfl.nu/dl3v
  Replies (11) Good night (1709) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk http://tfl.nu/skkt
  Replies (16) Good night (594) Bad night (1222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss http://tfl.nu/yqt0
  Replies (17) Good night (8448) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall. http://tfl.nu/kdj3
  Replies (6) Good night (3974) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk. (1-806): Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess. http://tfl.nu/c175
  Replies (15) Good night (2414) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.

  (1-757): View more from Virginia

  I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse. (1-757): I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic? http://tfl.nu/c2pk
  Replies (9) Good night (3003) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked. http://tfl.nu/yes9
  Replies (13) Good night (4956) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex http://tfl.nu/zwof
  Replies (9) Good night (2933) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  his penis is PERFECT

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm

  (802): View more from Vermont

  or knit it little hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): his penis is PERFECT (802): I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm (802): or knit it little hat http://tfl.nu/4cuj
  Replies (37) Good night (9696) Bad night (1200)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you. http://tfl.nu/q3ie
  Replies (29) Good night (5001) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring. http://tfl.nu/lp7n
  Replies (4) Good night (2054) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack. http://tfl.nu/ptag
  Replies (32) Good night (1208) Bad night (8631)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset. http://tfl.nu/s72o
  Replies (7) Good night (3830) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem

  (914): View more from New York

  Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem (914): Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty. http://tfl.nu/8j05
  Replies (53) Good night (7230) Bad night (2266)
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food. http://tfl.nu/bfcw
  Replies (8) Good night (3327) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks. http://tfl.nu/z0r2
  Replies (22) Good night (619) Bad night (3095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in. http://tfl.nu/mt4b
  Replies (15) Good night (3488) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even http://tfl.nu/tali
  Replies (14) Good night (3119) Bad night (1270)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Well... this vagina won't eat itself

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): Well... this vagina won't eat itself (1-306): I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina http://tfl.nu/x3in
  Replies (15) Good night (558) Bad night (1733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (754): View more from Florida

  He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?

  (954): View more from Florida

  In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (754): He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach? (954): In the hopes he'll just put it in one day? http://tfl.nu/u4da
  Replies (100) Good night (1316) Bad night (8058)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial http://tfl.nu/8xau
  Replies (10) Good night (3288) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut. http://tfl.nu/vwy6
  Replies (8) Good night (4890) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed. http://tfl.nu/yv11
  Replies (8) Good night (3442) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game. http://tfl.nu/xx77
  Replies (15) Good night (3054) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING! http://tfl.nu/za5e
  Replies (18) Good night (1016) Bad night (2662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball? http://tfl.nu/b2ii
  Replies (5) Good night (695) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt