I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
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Talk about cockeyed....
This is why you have your bachelorette party the week before the wedding instead of the night before. All dildo related injuries have a chance to heal.
Hopefully your husband keeps letting you have a girlfriend after you're married.
go to whole foods and buy arnicare, put it on and the bruise will be mostly gone in the morning, guaranteed. then.. stop doing stupid shit, that should help too.
I think this is the groom. Too close to the crazy stripper show.
You should see the stretch marks around his associates hole.
Cover fx concealer Ben NYE cake makeup, use a brush for that. Set it w a MUFE compact.
She got dicked over.
IT'S ABOUT TO BE A MISSUSUNDERSTANDING. ...I'm terribly sorry.
Oh fuck I would love to see that
Op's a dude
Pam Anderson is getting married again?
Tell her you got into a fight protecting her honor. The honeymoon sex is priceless!
Haha im guessing within six months you get another black eye from a right hook..... Only a misunderstanding.
Just say you were defending your future spouse's honour. Few dildo bruises are recognizable as such. If you're still worried, have someone punch you just in case. Or - better, I think - brazen it out and announce that it was a dildo bruise.
Concealer + loose powder are your best friends at this point. Also ice packs.
But of course--it's a MRS-understanding.