Michael Bay diarrhea
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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