its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
