Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
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Who's that girllll... It's jess!
Go give that blubbering idiot a hug, a shower, get dressed in easily removed clothing and then go out and get her laid.
I'm gonna go sit with her sounds like a good night
And I'm fucking your mother, get over it.
You should be ashamed of yourself, that was pathetic
Im fucking first!