I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
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