Texts From Last Night

Snoop_A_Loop's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit. http://tfl.nu/agun
  Replies (19) Good night (5421) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team. http://tfl.nu/bf8i
  Replies (12) Good night (3743) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  since when the fuck is that glamorous?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected (1-843): since when the fuck is that glamorous? http://tfl.nu/4ixl
  Replies (8) Good night (1197) Bad night (3087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it http://tfl.nu/c2d6
  Replies (10) Good night (2429) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up. http://tfl.nu/ztp2
  Replies (13) Good night (7810) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together. http://tfl.nu/tn1p
  Replies (8) Good night (2590) Bad night (1381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  You kept trying to hail an ambulance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): You kept trying to hail an ambulance http://tfl.nu/adc4
  Replies (2) Good night (3248) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD. http://tfl.nu/zazo
  Replies (7) Good night (2959) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons. http://tfl.nu/6biv
  Replies (3) Good night (1621) Bad night (2536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it http://tfl.nu/gsrb
  Replies (5) Good night (3523) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking. http://tfl.nu/bpgb
  Replies (66) Good night (4131) Bad night (1814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked. http://tfl.nu/z7yx
  Replies (11) Good night (6649) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  ..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): ..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making http://tfl.nu/m2re
  Replies (10) Good night (3187) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night. http://tfl.nu/2m2y
  Replies (6) Good night (4256) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high http://tfl.nu/wyfj
  Replies (16) Good night (4294) Bad night (1760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it. http://tfl.nu/cqfe
  Replies (8) Good night (552) Bad night (5828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers http://tfl.nu/iyv4
  Replies (17) Good night (8169) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/q7ix
  Replies (10) Good night (4156) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln http://tfl.nu/pu0o
  Replies (3) Good night (3266) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there. http://tfl.nu/x808
  Replies (4) Good night (2412) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug. http://tfl.nu/8hzl
  Replies (5) Good night (2800) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing. http://tfl.nu/5987
  Replies (20) Good night (6354) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet http://tfl.nu/qzss
  Replies (11) Good night (4556) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it http://tfl.nu/rdxn
  Replies (19) Good night (4783) Bad night (1372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out http://tfl.nu/bygf
  Replies (4) Good night (6088) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided http://tfl.nu/mbmq
  Replies (6) Good night (4560) Bad night (1404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (819): View more from Quebec

  He was spoon feeding me wine all night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (819): He was spoon feeding me wine all night. http://tfl.nu/fggg
  Replies (4) Good night (2891) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job. http://tfl.nu/iztl
  Replies (7) Good night (3812) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him. http://tfl.nu/18rr
  Replies (6) Good night (4113) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail. http://tfl.nu/mxx0
  Replies (15) Good night (5887) Bad night (1562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head http://tfl.nu/hdz6
  Replies (23) Good night (7398) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this. http://tfl.nu/uew9
  Replies (12) Good night (3549) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich http://tfl.nu/k8p8
  Replies (14) Good night (5750) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby. http://tfl.nu/h3ux
  Replies (12) Good night (1117) Bad night (4449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  it's great music for shaving your balls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): it's great music for shaving your balls http://tfl.nu/etrw
  Replies (24) Good night (3559) Bad night (1397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead. http://tfl.nu/xiio
  Replies (14) Good night (1715) Bad night (7202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization. http://tfl.nu/1m6d
  Replies (16) Good night (8130) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake http://tfl.nu/bl2k
  Replies (41) Good night (8404) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror http://tfl.nu/1dr8
  Replies (14) Good night (5640) Bad night (1219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry http://tfl.nu/vuqf
  Replies (21) Good night (1575) Bad night (4244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law. http://tfl.nu/4onk
  Replies (13) Good night (5741) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat http://tfl.nu/m0wi
  Replies (11) Good night (4039) Bad night (1180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  What?

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just dont open the beer drawer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge. (1-352): What? (352): Just dont open the beer drawer. http://tfl.nu/02la
  Replies (16) Good night (1280) Bad night (5372)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs. http://tfl.nu/jax9
  Replies (34) Good night (4629) Bad night (5956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

  (1-310): View more from California

  you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right? http://tfl.nu/vyk6
  Replies (30) Good night (11087) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF? http://tfl.nu/tx7k
  Replies (14) Good night (5471) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed. http://tfl.nu/z812
  Replies (22) Good night (1137) Bad night (4500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  his penis is PERFECT

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm

  (802): View more from Vermont

  or knit it little hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): his penis is PERFECT (802): I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm (802): or knit it little hat http://tfl.nu/4cuj
  Replies (36) Good night (9304) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS' http://tfl.nu/cd1u
  Replies (20) Good night (5411) Bad night (1175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went http://tfl.nu/2n24
  Replies (7) Good night (1512) Bad night (3122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people" http://tfl.nu/5d9d
  Replies (20) Good night (7186) Bad night (1413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I wish I had a frozen water bed.

  (253): View more from Washington

  best. idea. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I wish I had a frozen water bed. (253): best. idea. ever. http://tfl.nu/r1w7
  Replies (58) Good night (5440) Bad night (1746)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey man your outta milk

  (541): View more from Oregon

  How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey man your outta milk (541): How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?! http://tfl.nu/1x3m
  Replies (17) Good night (9703) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady." http://tfl.nu/ftym
  Replies (11) Good night (5928) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  that was a mass text, wasnt it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared. (1-303): that was a mass text, wasnt it? http://tfl.nu/9i1u
  Replies (22) Good night (6745) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it. http://tfl.nu/mvhu
  Replies (12) Good night (6563) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors. http://tfl.nu/tkq1
  Replies (20) Good night (8032) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  All of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want? (1-812): All of them http://tfl.nu/mhdi
  Replies (42) Good night (9330) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart. http://tfl.nu/u8db
  Replies (29) Good night (7645) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school http://tfl.nu/ysoe
  Replies (59) Good night (9758) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (54) Good night (28554) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip http://tfl.nu/drj8
  Replies (15) Good night (1759) Bad night (5675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door... http://tfl.nu/wacl
  Replies (14) Good night (3935) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  it happened again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels? (973): it happened again. http://tfl.nu/jmjg
  Replies (8) Good night (5766) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (21) Good night (13380) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin? http://tfl.nu/252o
  Replies (16) Good night (3671) Bad night (1747)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox http://tfl.nu/t30w
  Replies (38) Good night (8035) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that. http://tfl.nu/nbo5
  Replies (27) Good night (559) Bad night (5279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you. http://tfl.nu/1hxd
  Replies (22) Good night (4529) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...? http://tfl.nu/cucy
  Replies (15) Good night (6328) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready' http://tfl.nu/8jmk
  Replies (17) Good night (3495) Bad night (1350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+32): View more from Belgium

  We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+32): We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers. http://tfl.nu/61q6
  Replies (13) Good night (6193) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials. http://tfl.nu/lmhg
  Replies (10) Good night (3674) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Did we both pass out talking about cake last night? http://tfl.nu/lgnr
  Replies (10) Good night (4493) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying http://tfl.nu/0ccm
  Replies (8) Good night (2910) Bad night (3709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat. http://tfl.nu/qnu6
  Replies (30) Good night (3913) Bad night (4794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen. http://tfl.nu/qer2
  Replies (25) Good night (4782) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile. http://tfl.nu/y928
  Replies (5) Good night (5099) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right. http://tfl.nu/lg5g
  Replies (13) Good night (6225) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me. http://tfl.nu/06ls
  Replies (21) Good night (5105) Bad night (1673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it" http://tfl.nu/sq67
  Replies (9) Good night (5361) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted http://tfl.nu/rfs0
  Replies (98) Good night (1844) Bad night (8480)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml. http://tfl.nu/k21j
  Replies (21) Good night (626) Bad night (3606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800? (1-810): About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels http://tfl.nu/3nnn
  Replies (5) Good night (855) Bad night (232)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for. http://tfl.nu/ljvy
  Replies (9) Good night (3430) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard. http://tfl.nu/co7z
  Replies (31) Good night (6586) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you. http://tfl.nu/620d
  Replies (20) Good night (5277) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man

  (206): View more from Washington

  ?

  (360): View more from Washington

  he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man (206): ? (360): he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH! http://tfl.nu/k0fi
  Replies (27) Good night (3766) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock. http://tfl.nu/iuj0
  Replies (4) Good night (431) Bad night (2187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers. http://tfl.nu/1i45
  Replies (18) Good night (6308) Bad night (1451)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again. http://tfl.nu/0egr
  Replies (13) Good night (5273) Bad night (1623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out http://tfl.nu/0mnv
  Replies (13) Good night (8281) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking. http://tfl.nu/dn0l
  Replies (23) Good night (6321) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  She acts like you when your on meds

  (510): View more from California

  She acts like batman?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): She acts like you when your on meds (510): She acts like batman? http://tfl.nu/zvs9
  Replies (16) Good night (5907) Bad night (411)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  what?

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn (952): what? (612): i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn http://tfl.nu/vdma
  Replies (29) Good night (7371) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later. http://tfl.nu/b9wm
  Replies (17) Good night (5119) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint. http://tfl.nu/divk
  Replies (25) Good night (8724) Bad night (832)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!" http://tfl.nu/qjvm
  Replies (40) Good night (2368) Bad night (8974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (178) Good night (48651) Bad night (1815)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread. http://tfl.nu/qy40
  Replies (35) Good night (1532) Bad night (8204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"? http://tfl.nu/n4zp
  Replies (22) Good night (1061) Bad night (7196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time. http://tfl.nu/9x69
  Replies (14) Good night (1446) Bad night (3919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" . http://tfl.nu/721o
  Replies (9) Good night (6001) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home. http://tfl.nu/c9s9
  Replies (45) Good night (11374) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic. http://tfl.nu/5aat
  Replies (35) Good night (5934) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin. http://tfl.nu/un5l
  Replies (18) Good night (7643) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I tried to use my car keys to open my door

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  I just started a sentence with yellow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): I tried to use my car keys to open my door (1-778): I just started a sentence with yellow. http://tfl.nu/gagl
  Replies (9) Good night (1271) Bad night (256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head. http://tfl.nu/3prw
  Replies (45) Good night (10000) Bad night (3891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals. http://tfl.nu/6f3c
  Replies (48) Good night (3326) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?! http://tfl.nu/7uj0
  Replies (10) Good night (6433) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking http://tfl.nu/g2ou
  Replies (16) Good night (5913) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this http://tfl.nu/fwmk
  Replies (29) Good night (16258) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear. http://tfl.nu/8fu9
  Replies (11) Good night (3979) Bad night (1103)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (25092) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there. http://tfl.nu/abjc
  Replies (18) Good night (5032) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top http://tfl.nu/zi79
  Replies (256) Good night (7920) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here. http://tfl.nu/6w86
  Replies (30) Good night (1022) Bad night (12394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.

  (904): View more from Florida

  You stay classy.

  (352): View more from Florida

  The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF. (904): You stay classy. (352): The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on. http://tfl.nu/3w00
  Replies (18) Good night (455) Bad night (4439)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs http://tfl.nu/gf82
  Replies (71) Good night (1927) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles. http://tfl.nu/v155
  Replies (2) Good night (330) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed http://tfl.nu/zklq
  Replies (12) Good night (6137) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick http://tfl.nu/3xlh
  Replies (64) Good night (6949) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drinking in an igloo changes everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Drinking in an igloo changes everything. http://tfl.nu/71hs
  Replies (37) Good night (6363) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology http://tfl.nu/1r1t
  Replies (10) Good night (4614) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole

  (425): View more from Washington

  There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole (425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian http://tfl.nu/pttl
  Replies (97) Good night (1885) Bad night (22884)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  the hells wrong with u

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard. (1-902): the hells wrong with u http://tfl.nu/fwtj
  Replies (17) Good night (1159) Bad night (3161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control. http://tfl.nu/p5nx
  Replies (9) Good night (1732) Bad night (4447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  nevermind its newpaper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it (651): nevermind its newpaper http://tfl.nu/18ms
  Replies (29) Good night (5023) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry. http://tfl.nu/ss0l
  Replies (13) Good night (8243) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer" http://tfl.nu/7wxh
  Replies (51) Good night (972) Bad night (3902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling. http://tfl.nu/90ol
  Replies (16) Good night (6879) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!" http://tfl.nu/8q6j
  Replies (6) Good night (2366) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.

  (1-818): View more from California

  Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night. (1-818): Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit. http://tfl.nu/ras5
  Replies (10) Good night (896) Bad night (7106)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message. http://tfl.nu/p8es
  Replies (22) Good night (5198) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Don't EVER smell your tampon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): Don't EVER smell your tampon http://tfl.nu/zvwb
  Replies (88) Good night (1019) Bad night (18798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy. http://tfl.nu/r54x
  Replies (8) Good night (549) Bad night (5499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK http://tfl.nu/0izu
  Replies (9) Good night (1720) Bad night (285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though http://tfl.nu/8e43
  Replies (10) Good night (1264) Bad night (4018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?" http://tfl.nu/fnwu
  Replies (11) Good night (7529) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him. http://tfl.nu/4ib9
  Replies (30) Good night (393) Bad night (2704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule? http://tfl.nu/7un4
  Replies (41) Good night (6560) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats. http://tfl.nu/8c7z
  Replies (9) Good night (675) Bad night (3606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma. http://tfl.nu/yzcy
  Replies (13) Good night (4923) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/weck
  Replies (18) Good night (4987) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you http://tfl.nu/hdb5
  Replies (17) Good night (699) Bad night (3769)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  What?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH. (610): What? (484): A TROUGH FOR VOMIT. http://tfl.nu/8z8s
  Replies (17) Good night (3366) Bad night (2771)
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (551): i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me http://tfl.nu/tacv
  Replies (12) Good night (963) Bad night (2933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well. http://tfl.nu/2mtg
  Replies (26) Good night (7769) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life http://tfl.nu/k9mo
  Replies (16) Good night (4358) Bad night (1115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.

  (760): View more from California

  Wow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered. (760): Wow. http://tfl.nu/1wu1
  Replies (16) Good night (3922) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars" http://tfl.nu/ujcf
  Replies (7) Good night (4516) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos. http://tfl.nu/bkr9
  Replies (23) Good night (4978) Bad night (1081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found... http://tfl.nu/titb
  Replies (15) Good night (9322) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey. http://tfl.nu/pfjh
  Replies (19) Good night (6252) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out. http://tfl.nu/skdx
  Replies (17) Good night (7525) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat http://tfl.nu/ctv0
  Replies (17) Good night (1021) Bad night (4659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire. http://tfl.nu/5e7s
  Replies (9) Good night (5833) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever. http://tfl.nu/dui8
  Replies (12) Good night (3727) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma. http://tfl.nu/dkbg
  Replies (37) Good night (4019) Bad night (7017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's. http://tfl.nu/ybeq
  Replies (11) Good night (3525) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many http://tfl.nu/z652
  Replies (8) Good night (4594) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag http://tfl.nu/idf5
  Replies (34) Good night (1328) Bad night (4917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch http://tfl.nu/8f48
  Replies (12) Good night (4101) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie http://tfl.nu/1ta9
  Replies (15) Good night (531) Bad night (3706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat. (1-303): ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent. http://tfl.nu/2smi
  Replies (17) Good night (11780) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  followup question: what if both somones were me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/? (610): followup question: what if both somones were me? http://tfl.nu/emdv
  Replies (18) Good night (570) Bad night (4496)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother. http://tfl.nu/cqrd
  Replies (4) Good night (497) Bad night (3352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind. http://tfl.nu/8l0m
  Replies (57) Good night (11892) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid http://tfl.nu/8ij1
  Replies (44) Good night (529) Bad night (3167) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up. http://tfl.nu/3bej
  Replies (33) Good night (4071) Bad night (1220)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever. http://tfl.nu/bxy4
  Replies (17) Good night (8093) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you. (1-250): I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this. http://tfl.nu/x6e9
  Replies (25) Good night (11167) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about? http://tfl.nu/blbh
  Replies (30) Good night (3240) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner? (402): 4. http://tfl.nu/fuje
  Replies (15) Good night (2948) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you. http://tfl.nu/vvmp
  Replies (21) Good night (5756) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way. http://tfl.nu/3diq
  Replies (49) Good night (3182) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (40) Good night (34727) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy. http://tfl.nu/z1ta
  Replies (80) Good night (2276) Bad night (7734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity... http://tfl.nu/ueq6
  Replies (32) Good night (6456) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way http://tfl.nu/xf3z
  Replies (9) Good night (1217) Bad night (3081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it http://tfl.nu/r7l5
  Replies (16) Good night (5001) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you.. http://tfl.nu/8fyi
  Replies (24) Good night (687) Bad night (8892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself

  (707): View more from California

  dude you teach first grade wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself (707): dude you teach first grade wtf http://tfl.nu/gqyp
  Replies (57) Good night (7740) Bad night (1674)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk http://tfl.nu/2s8p
  Replies (13) Good night (588) Bad night (3673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work http://tfl.nu/ovrn
  Replies (31) Good night (4456) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes" http://tfl.nu/s663
  Replies (39) Good night (3620) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware. http://tfl.nu/07cm
  Replies (33) Good night (2669) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen. http://tfl.nu/75lv
  Replies (32) Good night (1161) Bad night (2670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with. http://tfl.nu/q53z
  Replies (29) Good night (1146) Bad night (1603)
• Favorite

  (721): View more from

  That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  omg, i know.

  (721): View more from

  we're too high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (721): That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure. (703): omg, i know. (721): we're too high. http://tfl.nu/fbyr
  Replies (26) Good night (1266) Bad night (246)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

  (518): View more from New York

  Doritoesssssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p
  Replies (41) Good night (12478) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left http://tfl.nu/kqqk
  Replies (26) Good night (4824) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010' http://tfl.nu/beuj
  Replies (9) Good night (6210) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind. http://tfl.nu/yydb
  Replies (23) Good night (4690) Bad night (1577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal. http://tfl.nu/qev8
  Replies (26) Good night (16475) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you. http://tfl.nu/btkl
  Replies (11) Good night (6344) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns. http://tfl.nu/ywpq
  Replies (42) Good night (6110) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.

  (786): View more from Florida

  How high are you right now..

  (305): View more from Florida

  I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind. (786): How high are you right now.. (305): I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT. http://tfl.nu/q5i7
  Replies (29) Good night (9723) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk. http://tfl.nu/ad2i
  Replies (21) Good night (4597) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis. http://tfl.nu/wydm
  Replies (16) Good night (4230) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses? http://tfl.nu/k5le
  Replies (69) Good night (537) Bad night (2095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful http://tfl.nu/3flc
  Replies (30) Good night (6647) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk

  (415): View more from California

  yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk (415): yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts http://tfl.nu/5sxt
  Replies (49) Good night (8023) Bad night (948)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary. http://tfl.nu/hnqx
  Replies (24) Good night (5074) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while. http://tfl.nu/clpn
  Replies (15) Good night (4156) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock http://tfl.nu/oxvs
  Replies (14) Good night (5787) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night. http://tfl.nu/uyli
  Replies (12) Good night (4441) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger. http://tfl.nu/3qkv
  Replies (90) Good night (1378) Bad night (12209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
  Replies (26) Good night (15626) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised http://tfl.nu/5ukp
  Replies (10) Good night (3611) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this http://tfl.nu/yh2h
  Replies (10) Good night (4434) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever. http://tfl.nu/t3hd
  Replies (6) Good night (819) Bad night (3405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time http://tfl.nu/w7q6
  Replies (13) Good night (7164) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard? http://tfl.nu/skft
  Replies (12) Good night (5510) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  To a 70 year old lady?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face" (774): To a 70 year old lady?! http://tfl.nu/99j2
  Replies (20) Good night (4574) Bad night (1705)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously http://tfl.nu/22yg
  Replies (21) Good night (1945) Bad night (3904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  you'll never guess what i found when i got home...

  (928): View more from Arizona

  a cake, in the toilet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): you'll never guess what i found when i got home... (928): a cake, in the toilet http://tfl.nu/md4l
  Replies (25) Good night (5351) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes? http://tfl.nu/o5zg
  Replies (17) Good night (4235) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina. http://tfl.nu/7xv1
  Replies (14) Good night (987) Bad night (4050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14045) Bad night (1411)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he. http://tfl.nu/52vb
  Replies (50) Good night (14296) Bad night (1989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over http://tfl.nu/i61z
  Replies (27) Good night (4835) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave. http://tfl.nu/m2vh
  Replies (30) Good night (3720) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day. http://tfl.nu/2twt
  Replies (37) Good night (16691) Bad night (1230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast. http://tfl.nu/itb7
  Replies (30) Good night (659) Bad night (10999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off http://tfl.nu/1xmy
  Replies (13) Good night (6340) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I can't breathe out the right side of my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I can't breathe out the right side of my face http://tfl.nu/2qbr
  Replies (5) Good night (510) Bad night (1763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I just found a frying pan...in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I just found a frying pan...in my bed. http://tfl.nu/4wiq
  Replies (7) Good night (1020) Bad night (269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better http://tfl.nu/bqq0
  Replies (7) Good night (568) Bad night (4169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket? http://tfl.nu/emia
  Replies (10) Good night (3652) Bad night (275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants http://tfl.nu/tpip
  Replies (32) Good night (4043) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0
  Replies (35) Good night (11608) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already. http://tfl.nu/owi8
  Replies (15) Good night (829) Bad night (1949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/thtn
  Replies (30) Good night (7657) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus http://tfl.nu/qqxc
  Replies (37) Good night (997) Bad night (3837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door (865): and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice http://tfl.nu/lffl
  Replies (23) Good night (7149) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo? http://tfl.nu/r7wm
  Replies (27) Good night (3241) Bad night (1312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!

  (408): View more from California

  Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner! (408): Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland... http://tfl.nu/1sp2
  Replies (41) Good night (3067) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  we convinced you the moon was a planet...again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): we convinced you the moon was a planet...again http://tfl.nu/tbv6
  Replies (23) Good night (6751) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub http://tfl.nu/5cjl
  Replies (20) Good night (4833) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled. http://tfl.nu/1807
  Replies (164) Good night (8812) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9
  Replies (41) Good night (10354) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Do you want the good news or bad news first?

  (678): View more from Georgia

  bad news

  (205): View more from Alabama

  The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Do you want the good news or bad news first? (678): bad news (205): The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos. http://tfl.nu/6wx8
  Replies (17) Good night (3683) Bad night (1339)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy? http://tfl.nu/swws
  Replies (17) Good night (5040) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again. http://tfl.nu/bm5p
  Replies (12) Good night (7605) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys. http://tfl.nu/w8m7
  Replies (28) Good night (1374) Bad night (6411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer http://tfl.nu/hop7
  Replies (25) Good night (6185) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat http://tfl.nu/ast4
  Replies (56) Good night (14976) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious. http://tfl.nu/jbo1
  Replies (8) Good night (5094) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly. http://tfl.nu/yfkr
  Replies (7) Good night (3563) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too. http://tfl.nu/fqh3
  Replies (3) Good night (3205) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate. http://tfl.nu/1mwi
  Replies (14) Good night (956) Bad night (4312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it. http://tfl.nu/xhfr
  Replies (24) Good night (3851) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox. http://tfl.nu/xeau
  Replies (41) Good night (7995) Bad night (4426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Yeah, i think she was German or something.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Yeah, i think she was German or something. (1-405): No dude, she's just got a speech impediment. http://tfl.nu/y6oj
  Replies (4) Good night (439) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox. http://tfl.nu/v0mm
  Replies (45) Good night (8757) Bad night (2452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking. http://tfl.nu/6jrt
  Replies (146) Good night (4288) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/fsan
  Replies (31) Good night (4606) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked http://tfl.nu/tqdc
  Replies (59) Good night (23891) Bad night (1550)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume http://tfl.nu/37b5
  Replies (16) Good night (4414) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need? http://tfl.nu/pqn5
  Replies (27) Good night (6754) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced. http://tfl.nu/ok17
  Replies (23) Good night (4767) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll http://tfl.nu/6m63
  Replies (27) Good night (5252) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE http://tfl.nu/d6tf
  Replies (48) Good night (8000) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I don't want you to recite the pledge!

  (631): View more from New York

  Pledge alligien to america to united states of america

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge. (401): I don't want you to recite the pledge! (631): Pledge alligien to america to united states of america http://tfl.nu/s7dx
  Replies (20) Good night (3160) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go. http://tfl.nu/47sp
  Replies (18) Good night (5107) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german. http://tfl.nu/cfoz
  Replies (18) Good night (6394) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just woke up to me licking the dognuts

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You mean Doughnuts?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  ......No :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I just woke up to me licking the dognuts (623): You mean Doughnuts? (602): ......No :( http://tfl.nu/8azm
  Replies (50) Good night (933) Bad night (16696)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Jake died.

  (310): View more from California

  WTF????????? That's how you tell me????

  (818): View more from California

  Oops typo. Jake cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Jake died. (310): WTF????????? That's how you tell me???? (818): Oops typo. Jake cried. http://tfl.nu/zib8
  Replies (41) Good night (4459) Bad night (1018)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose http://tfl.nu/df7a
  Replies (11) Good night (4452) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  ew wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed. (763): ew wtf http://tfl.nu/st4c
  Replies (83) Good night (1163) Bad night (7989)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Did you just throw up mid-sentence?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Did you just throw up mid-sentence? http://tfl.nu/vo8s
  Replies (2) Good night (737) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat http://tfl.nu/a753
  Replies (18) Good night (5016) Bad night (2457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  dude i need help, im throwing up blood.

  (323): View more from California

  no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.

  (310): View more from California

  oh, so thats why my junks red.

  (323): View more from California

  wow. cant help you there...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): dude i need help, im throwing up blood. (323): no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up. (310): oh, so thats why my junks red. (323): wow. cant help you there... http://tfl.nu/yeir
  Replies (15) Good night (462) Bad night (1302)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand. http://tfl.nu/xjsp
  Replies (7) Good night (713) Bad night (3415)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times http://tfl.nu/z2iz
  Replies (12) Good night (6097) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink... http://tfl.nu/o571
  Replies (11) Good night (1608) Bad night (3496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron. http://tfl.nu/58sn
  Replies (21) Good night (8546) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread. http://tfl.nu/5lzr
  Replies (33) Good night (5804) Bad night (1624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time. http://tfl.nu/tmab
  Replies (34) Good night (1498) Bad night (4637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game http://tfl.nu/osln
  Replies (23) Good night (5376) Bad night (729)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright. http://tfl.nu/328h
  Replies (17) Good night (6867) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I found those 18 whoppers we bought.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I found those 18 whoppers we bought. http://tfl.nu/flbc
  Replies (27) Good night (6533) Bad night (1326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill http://tfl.nu/6vp9
  Replies (145) Good night (3184) Bad night (11804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot... http://tfl.nu/oqxd
  Replies (17) Good night (7856) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool (252): Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five http://tfl.nu/6bci
  Replies (13) Good night (5891) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself. http://tfl.nu/lbys
  Replies (14) Good night (4278) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day. http://tfl.nu/k8ur
  Replies (15) Good night (8429) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning. http://tfl.nu/50tz
  Replies (26) Good night (6357) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk. http://tfl.nu/j1no
  Replies (25) Good night (11246) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic http://tfl.nu/himg
  Replies (20) Good night (4668) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story. http://tfl.nu/x6qv
  Replies (18) Good night (6174) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot. http://tfl.nu/qo51
  Replies (16) Good night (947) Bad night (4689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again. http://tfl.nu/ujyy
  Replies (19) Good night (5573) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?

  (702): View more from Nevada

  not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time? (702): not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning http://tfl.nu/nxoz
  Replies (23) Good night (2344) Bad night (4037)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends. (1-303): At about the same time you guys weren't burritos. http://tfl.nu/mxci
  Replies (27) Good night (7580) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  please don't let me die tonight

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what have you done for me lately?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): please don't let me die tonight (860): what have you done for me lately? http://tfl.nu/9vcn
  Replies (18) Good night (4542) Bad night (933)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me. http://tfl.nu/tzej
  Replies (9) Good night (4995) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you come get me at the bar

  (301): View more from Maryland

  ill be there in 10 min

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  can we stop off at build a bear on the way home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): can you come get me at the bar (301): ill be there in 10 min (570): can we stop off at build a bear on the way home http://tfl.nu/der9
  Replies (37) Good night (9160) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa http://tfl.nu/lg9x
  Replies (33) Good night (7284) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier http://tfl.nu/xjeu
  Replies (6) Good night (7593) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life http://tfl.nu/pj1v
  Replies (16) Good night (7309) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome. http://tfl.nu/21pe
  Replies (22) Good night (27646) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door. http://tfl.nu/h0ao
  Replies (20) Good night (4974) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows http://tfl.nu/5bqe
  Replies (21) Good night (5754) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have two black x marks on my hands.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

  (971): View more from Oregon

  damnit I wish I could remember that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a
  Replies (58) Good night (25445) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine. http://tfl.nu/s4y5
  Replies (25) Good night (9702) Bad night (1087)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  I just gift wrapped bread.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I just gift wrapped bread. http://tfl.nu/h0i1
  Replies (8) Good night (4549) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater http://tfl.nu/n56s
  Replies (17) Good night (3098) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol. http://tfl.nu/lstw
  Replies (12) Good night (4218) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college? http://tfl.nu/r2e9
  Replies (36) Good night (3281) Bad night (3534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up http://tfl.nu/89z7
  Replies (27) Good night (2423) Bad night (4623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail? http://tfl.nu/xsa7
  Replies (20) Good night (742) Bad night (5395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car? http://tfl.nu/kx3d
  Replies (10) Good night (2873) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head? http://tfl.nu/r6cb
  Replies (20) Good night (7757) Bad night (1723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus. http://tfl.nu/wqiq
  Replies (10) Good night (3604) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  but the lizard people decide everything anyway

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): but the lizard people decide everything anyway http://tfl.nu/21qe
  Replies (27) Good night (3485) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF http://tfl.nu/bxu6
  Replies (12) Good night (1955) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha http://tfl.nu/wuor
  Replies (21) Good night (3464) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'

  (253): View more from Washington

  no more ever clear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning (1-253): because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha' (253): no more ever clear http://tfl.nu/f9lp
  Replies (33) Good night (7032) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (49050) Bad night (2221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep http://tfl.nu/2p4s
  Replies (17) Good night (5305) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week. http://tfl.nu/ufqh
  Replies (20) Good night (4162) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it http://tfl.nu/rarj
  Replies (14) Good night (6807) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god. (513): and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon. http://tfl.nu/ae2p
  Replies (21) Good night (5203) Bad night (826)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible". http://tfl.nu/e3k3
  Replies (43) Good night (7266) Bad night (1157)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet http://tfl.nu/ryzv
  Replies (19) Good night (4428) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed. http://tfl.nu/2aby
  Replies (13) Good night (4501) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back" http://tfl.nu/lhve
  Replies (9) Good night (4565) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five (1-262): bitch http://tfl.nu/m1tn
  Replies (62) Good night (2726) Bad night (4497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod... http://tfl.nu/hp9q
  Replies (65) Good night (7154) Bad night (1082)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  How was dinner with ur grandparents?

  (1-607): View more from New York

  I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): How was dinner with ur grandparents? (1-607) I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana." http://tfl.nu/9nup
  Replies (18) Good night (1147) Bad night (6312)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  i can juggle bunnies

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  cool

  (802): View more from Vermont

  on fire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): i can juggle bunnies (1-802): cool (802): on fire http://tfl.nu/wqba
  Replies (11) Good night (2732) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Cooked or uncooked?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep. (503): Cooked or uncooked? http://tfl.nu/xhai
  Replies (12) Good night (3734) Bad night (469)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum. http://tfl.nu/f301
  Replies (24) Good night (6020) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house? http://tfl.nu/bwc7
  Replies (28) Good night (3617) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!

  (812): View more from Indiana

  ?

  (646): View more from New York

  Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE! (812): ? (646): Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that? http://tfl.nu/5o1s
  Replies (37) Good night (3097) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher? http://tfl.nu/k3ff
  Replies (18) Good night (3940) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes http://tfl.nu/dtzq
  Replies (47) Good night (3780) Bad night (1364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair http://tfl.nu/0fee
  Replies (16) Good night (6012) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  quadriplegic porn is always funny

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  no. no its not

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): quadriplegic porn is always funny (832): no. no its not http://tfl.nu/0tdp
  Replies (38) Good night (958) Bad night (4365)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey" http://tfl.nu/8m25
  Replies (29) Good night (6385) Bad night (1275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  how was last night?

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): how was last night? (1-908): i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me. http://tfl.nu/23nl
  Replies (32) Good night (6053) Bad night (2774)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home. http://tfl.nu/dmz8
  Replies (49) Good night (5043) Bad night (1958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll. http://tfl.nu/u5mu
  Replies (34) Good night (4895) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors http://tfl.nu/9psa
  Replies (65) Good night (15740) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down.. http://tfl.nu/yoii
  Replies (15) Good night (1102) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands. http://tfl.nu/sr1t
  Replies (26) Good night (5723) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted http://tfl.nu/vebg
  Replies (39) Good night (4911) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers http://tfl.nu/mvp5
  Replies (30) Good night (7501) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower. http://tfl.nu/u1zb
  Replies (22) Good night (7602) Bad night (1081)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"

  (205): View more from Alabama

  pick me up NOW

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve" (205): pick me up NOW http://tfl.nu/weqr
  Replies (17) Good night (907) Bad night (4379)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME??? http://tfl.nu/x0d6
  Replies (45) Good night (1871) Bad night (17177)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now http://tfl.nu/39yk
  Replies (82) Good night (25526) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/p5hg
  Replies (8) Good night (1831) Bad night (2745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is that considered a cock block?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me? (937): Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls. (419): Is that considered a cock block? http://tfl.nu/pjdr
  Replies (47) Good night (8088) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there. http://tfl.nu/fwws
  Replies (28) Good night (4602) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian. http://tfl.nu/n8zg
  Replies (32) Good night (7167) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1. http://tfl.nu/5eb0
  Replies (46) Good night (1495) Bad night (5435)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you http://tfl.nu/tpo5
  Replies (30) Good night (13057) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated. http://tfl.nu/6ris
  Replies (15) Good night (5824) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk. http://tfl.nu/yxee
  Replies (14) Good night (3115) Bad night (1276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...

  (716): View more from New York

  what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  self-loathing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night... (716): what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk? (617): self-loathing. http://tfl.nu/qojo
  Replies (7) Good night (782) Bad night (2870)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite

  (917): View more from New York City

  get a pic

  (718): View more from New York

  i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that

  (917): View more from New York City

  i want ur life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite (917): get a pic (718): i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that (917): i want ur life http://tfl.nu/sg3n
  Replies (25) Good night (2267) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora http://tfl.nu/wtuh
  Replies (19) Good night (4278) Bad night (1462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit http://tfl.nu/6wkt
  Replies (12) Good night (9116) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome http://tfl.nu/ktp3
  Replies (27) Good night (3252) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Fuck I'm high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles. (908): Fuck I'm high. http://tfl.nu/titc
  Replies (56) Good night (1462) Bad night (3149)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer http://tfl.nu/h8i3
  Replies (6) Good night (3992) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously http://tfl.nu/mrdz
  Replies (13) Good night (4131) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them. http://tfl.nu/uohp
  Replies (20) Good night (902) Bad night (8230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified. http://tfl.nu/k6t4
  Replies (15) Good night (5336) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  FUCK YOU.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours... (1-614): FUCK YOU. http://tfl.nu/d4zw
  Replies (69) Good night (3826) Bad night (2442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face. http://tfl.nu/let7
  Replies (4) Good night (456) Bad night (3192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car http://tfl.nu/wwsk
  Replies (11) Good night (640) Bad night (3169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop" http://tfl.nu/felz
  Replies (19) Good night (4673) Bad night (2112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  so what did you do?

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg (1-613): so what did you do? (613): I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash! http://tfl.nu/b0di
  Replies (23) Good night (5901) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me. http://tfl.nu/79qg
  Replies (57) Good night (4269) Bad night (951)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy. http://tfl.nu/jygh
  Replies (15) Good night (6052) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I'm in Tiajuana

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I could be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I think I'm in Tiajuana (404): You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago (706): I could be http://tfl.nu/4kta
  Replies (13) Good night (1654) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (107) Good night (38276) Bad night (1593)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

  (443): View more from Maryland

  wasted?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  im pocohantasssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6
  Replies (109) Good night (42211) Bad night (1636)
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (208) Good night (49125) Bad night (2153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (41861) Bad night (1189)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68154) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (183) Good night (53942) Bad night (4175)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww
  Replies (83) Good night (46883) Bad night (1719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69184) Bad night (1984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (499) Good night (82812) Bad night (7566)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (434) Good night (107947) Bad night (8844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136705) Bad night (8407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away http://tfl.nu/dlah
  Replies (30) Good night (1395) Bad night (7290)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?" http://tfl.nu/pefr
  Replies (22) Good night (5224) Bad night (1822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns. http://tfl.nu/xebd
  Replies (56) Good night (12963) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on. http://tfl.nu/5fm3
  Replies (30) Good night (9750) Bad night (1242) Order T-Shirt