i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
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He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
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