girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
