At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
