they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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