tazdevilny's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning. http://tfl.nu/70c1
  Replies (14) Good night (5043) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of. http://tfl.nu/16vh
  Replies (23) Good night (4132) Bad night (1488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa. http://tfl.nu/e1sr
  Replies (26) Good night (6608) Bad night (1329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you. http://tfl.nu/abkv
  Replies (15) Good night (833) Bad night (3336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you http://tfl.nu/rxgp
  Replies (22) Good night (1358) Bad night (4019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Better looking than her though please.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with? (416): Better looking than her though please. http://tfl.nu/bks1
  Replies (29) Good night (1902) Bad night (6005)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow http://tfl.nu/mex5
  Replies (67) Good night (8367) Bad night (1883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief. http://tfl.nu/eaos
  Replies (40) Good night (4895) Bad night (3138)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you" http://tfl.nu/hln2
  Replies (19) Good night (6854) Bad night (1873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy
  Replies (25) Good night (15144) Bad night (1129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money." http://tfl.nu/9u0b
  Replies (12) Good night (1154) Bad night (5760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut http://tfl.nu/7k06
  Replies (40) Good night (5704) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I have another pimple on my ass cheek.

  (420): View more from

  I'll be there in 10 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I have another pimple on my ass cheek. (420): I'll be there in 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/3vda
  Replies (25) Good night (994) Bad night (7859)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride http://tfl.nu/4fyt
  Replies (34) Good night (20274) Bad night (1529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now. http://tfl.nu/xaw7
  Replies (14) Good night (1600) Bad night (4457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship. http://tfl.nu/j0tt
  Replies (13) Good night (6432) Bad night (1347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf http://tfl.nu/oxnj
  Replies (22) Good night (7213) Bad night (1545)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you. http://tfl.nu/rvgi
  Replies (15) Good night (1575) Bad night (4352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday' http://tfl.nu/p489
  Replies (62) Good night (2302) Bad night (24095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!" http://tfl.nu/5vjf
  Replies (35) Good night (5660) Bad night (8219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (25735) Bad night (4383)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5. http://tfl.nu/1dnu
  Replies (22) Good night (9276) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  And that worked?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night. (1-919): And that worked? (919): 9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards. http://tfl.nu/moso
  Replies (70) Good night (13311) Bad night (1355)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk. http://tfl.nu/7fnb
  Replies (11) Good night (4802) Bad night (1224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do http://tfl.nu/c5r9
  Replies (14) Good night (5638) Bad night (1242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on http://tfl.nu/rm4w
  Replies (17) Good night (5219) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing http://tfl.nu/0l5a
  Replies (15) Good night (1010) Bad night (3994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that. http://tfl.nu/2jzp
  Replies (27) Good night (8666) Bad night (3159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  and...?

  (936): View more from Texas

  I told him it was alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him. (812): and...? (936): I told him it was alright. http://tfl.nu/yirn
  Replies (28) Good night (3791) Bad night (5490)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families (570): That statement alone makes me laugh so hard. http://tfl.nu/jdb3
  Replies (7) Good night (6110) Bad night (956)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3. http://tfl.nu/k38v
  Replies (38) Good night (14711) Bad night (1334)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks. http://tfl.nu/p2ad
  Replies (25) Good night (4588) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message. http://tfl.nu/jwe9
  Replies (19) Good night (9419) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face. http://tfl.nu/ozn3
  Replies (39) Good night (1330) Bad night (6315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing. http://tfl.nu/y30j
  Replies (20) Good night (8749) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he. http://tfl.nu/52vb
  Replies (51) Good night (14844) Bad night (2232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't. http://tfl.nu/gt6v
  Replies (6) Good night (3953) Bad night (1149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome http://tfl.nu/t5r7
  Replies (62) Good night (7583) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume. http://tfl.nu/rs73
  Replies (31) Good night (4518) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me http://tfl.nu/tlrb
  Replies (125) Good night (1683) Bad night (23546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night http://tfl.nu/pxx7
  Replies (14) Good night (6387) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard. http://tfl.nu/840x
  Replies (36) Good night (4147) Bad night (1725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her http://tfl.nu/ua6n
  Replies (13) Good night (655) Bad night (5482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied. http://tfl.nu/w7qp
  Replies (17) Good night (786) Bad night (5929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex. http://tfl.nu/aztc
  Replies (89) Good night (13330) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes. http://tfl.nu/4wgk
  Replies (45) Good night (28346) Bad night (1971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap. http://tfl.nu/3ryi
  Replies (26) Good night (6648) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada http://tfl.nu/8u25
  Replies (29) Good night (1413) Bad night (4346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl. http://tfl.nu/cd5h
  Replies (20) Good night (5407) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant. http://tfl.nu/uoqp
  Replies (49) Good night (1308) Bad night (4911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus? http://tfl.nu/9yje
  Replies (22) Good night (725) Bad night (3950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (353): View more from

  I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (353): I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing http://tfl.nu/a43r
  Replies (41) Good night (5504) Bad night (1706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut. http://tfl.nu/y3au
  Replies (13) Good night (4516) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm http://tfl.nu/t2ln
  Replies (105) Good night (8946) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth http://tfl.nu/totm
  Replies (56) Good night (6699) Bad night (1318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth http://tfl.nu/33ft
  Replies (31) Good night (1870) Bad night (6161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree http://tfl.nu/l7gp
  Replies (46) Good night (5842) Bad night (1736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house http://tfl.nu/yyye
  Replies (51) Good night (14516) Bad night (1777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz http://tfl.nu/sutg
  Replies (87) Good night (15797) Bad night (2761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober http://tfl.nu/mim6
  Replies (21) Good night (1572) Bad night (4061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college http://tfl.nu/eldf
  Replies (32) Good night (5589) Bad night (655)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it. http://tfl.nu/hjdx
  Replies (79) Good night (9075) Bad night (2693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing." http://tfl.nu/1ant
  Replies (26) Good night (6263) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  alright she left, finally time to fart up the room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): alright she left, finally time to fart up the room http://tfl.nu/utm3
  Replies (17) Good night (3522) Bad night (1113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Maybe he just has a boisterous penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Maybe he just has a boisterous penis http://tfl.nu/s2rt
  Replies (17) Good night (3306) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory http://tfl.nu/nm21
  Replies (23) Good night (584) Bad night (5052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment. http://tfl.nu/tn42
  Replies (25) Good night (974) Bad night (4434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  what is college for if not random hookup sex?

  (951): View more from California

  learning.

  (209): View more from California

  i would literally fuck learning if i could.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): what is college for if not random hookup sex? (951): learning. (209): i would literally fuck learning if i could. http://tfl.nu/3rtk
  Replies (50) Good night (9387) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy. http://tfl.nu/rtg1
  Replies (41) Good night (1753) Bad night (8113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class. http://tfl.nu/nig5
  Replies (73) Good night (706) Bad night (12957)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday. http://tfl.nu/laq5
  Replies (29) Good night (6655) Bad night (1181) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me http://tfl.nu/9k7n
  Replies (57) Good night (5549) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed. http://tfl.nu/t3mj
  Replies (22) Good night (8929) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win. http://tfl.nu/jyaa
  Replies (64) Good night (17072) Bad night (1409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know? http://tfl.nu/j2zq
  Replies (49) Good night (6848) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (131) Good night (60840) Bad night (1889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war http://tfl.nu/t68o
  Replies (32) Good night (881) Bad night (6487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl (1-940): you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent. http://tfl.nu/wzvk
  Replies (47) Good night (2123) Bad night (5950)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you? http://tfl.nu/ocb5
  Replies (131) Good night (31766) Bad night (2246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys." http://tfl.nu/9d5s
  Replies (23) Good night (1495) Bad night (4712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom. http://tfl.nu/90oj
  Replies (32) Good night (1226) Bad night (4762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination http://tfl.nu/dj79
  Replies (30) Good night (4378) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around. http://tfl.nu/z3u8
  Replies (13) Good night (4763) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners. http://tfl.nu/k7br
  Replies (79) Good night (1860) Bad night (6847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7' http://tfl.nu/hrls
  Replies (63) Good night (1047) Bad night (5113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children? http://tfl.nu/iefn
  Replies (26) Good night (1139) Bad night (5853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving http://tfl.nu/8zv1
  Replies (20) Good night (8822) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite. http://tfl.nu/cdg2
  Replies (49) Good night (7027) Bad night (1558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it? http://tfl.nu/3moc
  Replies (52) Good night (1764) Bad night (4665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks http://tfl.nu/h8ue
  Replies (29) Good night (779) Bad night (4780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer http://tfl.nu/cllh
  Replies (118) Good night (23008) Bad night (2275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Get out of your relationship and into my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Get out of your relationship and into my pants. http://tfl.nu/sn5l
  Replies (45) Good night (23019) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair http://tfl.nu/0fee
  Replies (16) Good night (6206) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): 20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!" http://tfl.nu/w8i5
  Replies (33) Good night (5707) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time". http://tfl.nu/gojq
  Replies (62) Good night (1038) Bad night (8956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network. http://tfl.nu/hbga
  Replies (27) Good night (4392) Bad night (2737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit http://tfl.nu/192j
  Replies (27) Good night (4867) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet. http://tfl.nu/cgw3
  Replies (61) Good night (4926) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her. http://tfl.nu/aq8k
  Replies (11) Good night (6446) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends http://tfl.nu/xej0
  Replies (99) Good night (2735) Bad night (5661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent. http://tfl.nu/jxt2
  Replies (108) Good night (13706) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true' http://tfl.nu/1kz1
  Replies (79) Good night (37755) Bad night (1568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes http://tfl.nu/koyr
  Replies (195) Good night (785) Bad night (8196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking http://tfl.nu/yxe4
  Replies (61) Good night (5673) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): She made Precious look like a solid 6.5. http://tfl.nu/qn24
  Replies (32) Good night (580) Bad night (5731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job http://tfl.nu/2lgs
  Replies (43) Good night (862) Bad night (5184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius! http://tfl.nu/2kph
  Replies (259) Good night (4912) Bad night (4696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club. http://tfl.nu/cpxm
  Replies (44) Good night (938) Bad night (6368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight. http://tfl.nu/g0lm
  Replies (47) Good night (703) Bad night (3375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik? http://tfl.nu/lg9s
  Replies (41) Good night (3054) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!" http://tfl.nu/furw
  Replies (68) Good night (7356) Bad night (1915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  her facebook's as public as her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): her facebook's as public as her vagina http://tfl.nu/w3ii
  Replies (43) Good night (3087) Bad night (2450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious. http://tfl.nu/rnvz
  Replies (50) Good night (889) Bad night (11617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me http://tfl.nu/dmik
  Replies (27) Good night (7834) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down. http://tfl.nu/fg57
  Replies (19) Good night (6900) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true." http://tfl.nu/yccu
  Replies (17) Good night (5694) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth. http://tfl.nu/f5s8
  Replies (116) Good night (6536) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy. http://tfl.nu/2x1u
  Replies (50) Good night (6980) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on... http://tfl.nu/mq0s
  Replies (42) Good night (1192) Bad night (6517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night. http://tfl.nu/m0ls
  Replies (68) Good night (2021) Bad night (3839)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral http://tfl.nu/0vqu
  Replies (16) Good night (5836) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  story of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch. (484): story of my life. http://tfl.nu/5i11
  Replies (29) Good night (1289) Bad night (4011)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded." http://tfl.nu/j96i
  Replies (51) Good night (6738) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself http://tfl.nu/tgru
  Replies (18) Good night (3170) Bad night (4469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me. http://tfl.nu/r79q
  Replies (13) Good night (1123) Bad night (5347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings http://tfl.nu/xqge
  Replies (40) Good night (760) Bad night (7251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade. http://tfl.nu/7055
  Replies (49) Good night (1361) Bad night (7463)
• Favorite

  (682): View more from Texas

  aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (682): aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow http://tfl.nu/8wvu
  Replies (29) Good night (6178) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this... http://tfl.nu/ilg0
  Replies (42) Good night (916) Bad night (6293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair" http://tfl.nu/zzcb
  Replies (209) Good night (1165) Bad night (17980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it http://tfl.nu/fv1k
  Replies (18) Good night (4795) Bad night (1149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am. http://tfl.nu/p45r
  Replies (26) Good night (4543) Bad night (2162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!" http://tfl.nu/79w8
  Replies (37) Good night (9680) Bad night (2041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after. http://tfl.nu/w4bv
  Replies (78) Good night (5724) Bad night (2606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good http://tfl.nu/bhfg
  Replies (73) Good night (10735) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy. http://tfl.nu/h40g
  Replies (7) Good night (5781) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house. http://tfl.nu/pura
  Replies (50) Good night (3162) Bad night (5452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus http://tfl.nu/rl2v
  Replies (37) Good night (12617) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult. http://tfl.nu/q2ig
  Replies (25) Good night (3655) Bad night (2391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents http://tfl.nu/zd1e
  Replies (60) Good night (1494) Bad night (4606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together http://tfl.nu/1hrq
  Replies (36) Good night (5947) Bad night (1578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now http://tfl.nu/10rh
  Replies (58) Good night (1153) Bad night (12998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good. http://tfl.nu/1igy
  Replies (113) Good night (1705) Bad night (10863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner. http://tfl.nu/u3lx
  Replies (18) Good night (738) Bad night (5397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning http://tfl.nu/3q6t
  Replies (10) Good night (915) Bad night (4200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size" http://tfl.nu/ckqj
  Replies (35) Good night (1248) Bad night (7626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass" http://tfl.nu/foy3
  Replies (22) Good night (999) Bad night (4432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (54024) Bad night (4401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (118) Good night (44951) Bad night (3381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Too tired to pretend that I care : (

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over? (773): Too tired to pretend that I care : ( http://tfl.nu/bskc
  Replies (29) Good night (956) Bad night (7739)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker." http://tfl.nu/s149
  Replies (75) Good night (1131) Bad night (5004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack http://tfl.nu/9hdw
  Replies (32) Good night (1256) Bad night (4665)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body. (1-253): I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate. http://tfl.nu/e4ca
  Replies (71) Good night (5484) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  class

  (574): View more from Indiana

  he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous (1-574): class (574): he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson http://tfl.nu/2w68
  Replies (46) Good night (4726) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death. http://tfl.nu/3s8a
  Replies (23) Good night (7834) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head http://tfl.nu/n3kb
  Replies (5) Good night (1028) Bad night (3961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (289) Good night (62251) Bad night (4267)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80183) Bad night (4305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets
  Replies (275) Good night (4051) Bad night (68262)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick. http://tfl.nu/lewu
  Replies (258) Good night (4541) Bad night (79591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  from now on my penis is your penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): from now on my penis is your penis http://tfl.nu/ipfj
  Replies (19) Good night (2761) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...

  (703): View more from Virginia

  oh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine... (703): oh http://tfl.nu/2rig
  Replies (10) Good night (701) Bad night (3022)
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad http://tfl.nu/3y6v
  Replies (101) Good night (3758) Bad night (66470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund. http://tfl.nu/xrnk
  Replies (162) Good night (31638) Bad night (1853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present. http://tfl.nu/xf6g
  Replies (789) Good night (7327) Bad night (109898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i want you now

  (916): View more from California

  you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i want you now (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this http://tfl.nu/8egt
  Replies (148) Good night (6883) Bad night (69194)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am. http://tfl.nu/2854
  Replies (26) Good night (460) Bad night (2510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (152) Good night (65378) Bad night (3435)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal. http://tfl.nu/j0la
  Replies (69) Good night (38062) Bad night (1813)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  then i met college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton (781): then i met college http://tfl.nu/kd7x
  Replies (17) Good night (6158) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically. http://tfl.nu/0m41
  Replies (44) Good night (952) Bad night (5543)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends. http://tfl.nu/ox60
  Replies (72) Good night (9921) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on http://tfl.nu/v7m7
  Replies (41) Good night (6664) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You're dead to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up? (812): You're dead to me. http://tfl.nu/331c
  Replies (48) Good night (8801) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt http://tfl.nu/gv5c
  Replies (12) Good night (2325) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me. http://tfl.nu/iup7
  Replies (12) Good night (637) Bad night (4471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  So we're fucking tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf. (1-816): So we're fucking tonight? http://tfl.nu/2x8n
  Replies (12) Good night (4340) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss

  (757): View more from Virginia

  So when are we having a sleepover?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss (757): So when are we having a sleepover? http://tfl.nu/90ed
  Replies (24) Good night (6231) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat. http://tfl.nu/bfbd
  Replies (30) Good night (664) Bad night (4142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team http://tfl.nu/ke7v
  Replies (42) Good night (5933) Bad night (866)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on (1-915): who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me http://tfl.nu/h8za
  Replies (49) Good night (778) Bad night (14847)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice" http://tfl.nu/f86r
  Replies (39) Good night (838) Bad night (6100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for? (1-630): Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun. http://tfl.nu/9dkv
  Replies (17) Good night (3947) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag". (917): I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag. http://tfl.nu/7xie
  Replies (57) Good night (1193) Bad night (11220)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"

  (1-606): View more from Kentucky

  You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!" (1-606): You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents. http://tfl.nu/3y9c
  Replies (17) Good night (882) Bad night (5645)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding. http://tfl.nu/2d2l
  Replies (35) Good night (1476) Bad night (6442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times. http://tfl.nu/p78w
  Replies (22) Good night (4419) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase. http://tfl.nu/vq3r
  Replies (51) Good night (979) Bad night (4393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You love popeyes more than me

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You love popeyes more than me (1-402): does delicious chicken come out of your vagina? http://tfl.nu/hcyr
  Replies (34) Good night (4636) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab. http://tfl.nu/ejcr
  Replies (22) Good night (439) Bad night (4944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  How was dinner with ur grandparents?

  (1-607): View more from New York

  I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): How was dinner with ur grandparents? (1-607) I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana." http://tfl.nu/9nup
  Replies (18) Good night (1318) Bad night (6492)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships. http://tfl.nu/unsu
  Replies (36) Good night (848) Bad night (5301)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age. http://tfl.nu/4icz
  Replies (31) Good night (577) Bad night (8406)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am. http://tfl.nu/w1ts
  Replies (34) Good night (4514) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I just saw the nastiest chick.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Where?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I just saw the nastiest chick. (1-603): Where? (603): woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you http://tfl.nu/hbsk
  Replies (43) Good night (1180) Bad night (8146)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  maybe i'll see you again later :)

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd rather shit a knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): maybe i'll see you again later :) (774): I'd rather shit a knife. http://tfl.nu/qge0
  Replies (50) Good night (1719) Bad night (10738)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point. http://tfl.nu/b8y5
  Replies (48) Good night (1274) Bad night (5170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud http://tfl.nu/p0vi
  Replies (44) Good night (1436) Bad night (18548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application http://tfl.nu/aq16
  Replies (7) Good night (3507) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever. http://tfl.nu/d9v5
  Replies (8) Good night (3042) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru". http://tfl.nu/gnr7
  Replies (26) Good night (1109) Bad night (5882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  I respect that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice (1-508): I respect that http://tfl.nu/enis
  Replies (53) Good night (9613) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  my vagina's been through so much this weekend

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): my vagina's been through so much this weekend (1-860): you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend? http://tfl.nu/jr6r
  Replies (35) Good night (7504) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance. http://tfl.nu/vgvp
  Replies (69) Good night (8806) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones http://tfl.nu/3i5q
  Replies (16) Good night (1010) Bad night (4200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  pat the guy you slept with

  (314): View more from Missouri

  still need a last name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this? (573): pat the guy you slept with (314): still need a last name http://tfl.nu/e97s
  Replies (53) Good night (10475) Bad night (1622)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up http://tfl.nu/q8f6
  Replies (50) Good night (10309) Bad night (1585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker" http://tfl.nu/30jj
  Replies (44) Good night (17878) Bad night (922)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked http://tfl.nu/iw27
  Replies (33) Good night (7438) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60. http://tfl.nu/7fqw
  Replies (20) Good night (5965) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store http://tfl.nu/25ph
  Replies (86) Good night (14499) Bad night (2303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break. http://tfl.nu/c9vz
  Replies (34) Good night (4936) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation? http://tfl.nu/0dba
  Replies (15) Good night (4793) Bad night (1656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex? http://tfl.nu/035m
  Replies (26) Good night (1272) Bad night (4291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date. (215): You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds. http://tfl.nu/2p7v
  Replies (38) Good night (5852) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings. http://tfl.nu/mgul
  Replies (26) Good night (9317) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids http://tfl.nu/xnc7
  Replies (19) Good night (6830) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot http://tfl.nu/f7xk
  Replies (52) Good night (5333) Bad night (1449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal http://tfl.nu/ode2
  Replies (66) Good night (2071) Bad night (4394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face. http://tfl.nu/zq8n
  Replies (73) Good night (1089) Bad night (7925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet. (919): That explains the puddle of pee in my closet. http://tfl.nu/tfvg
  Replies (7) Good night (1049) Bad night (5161)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way. http://tfl.nu/hex7
  Replies (23) Good night (5240) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy http://tfl.nu/9pzn
  Replies (16) Good night (854) Bad night (4409)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  dont be selfish, show some boob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me (781): dont be selfish, show some boob http://tfl.nu/w4jv
  Replies (54) Good night (7042) Bad night (1097)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain... http://tfl.nu/gzma
  Replies (27) Good night (991) Bad night (4121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  He went soft

  (631): View more from New York

  Wait. During?

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): He went soft (631): Wait. During? (260): Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH. http://tfl.nu/18lb
  Replies (99) Good night (808) Bad night (15766)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011 http://tfl.nu/zxkw
  Replies (53) Good night (5691) Bad night (1052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/nxz1
  Replies (35) Good night (11779) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session http://tfl.nu/9nzb
  Replies (111) Good night (1152) Bad night (6690)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY. http://tfl.nu/v8u7
  Replies (85) Good night (1134) Bad night (12464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono (973): How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you? http://tfl.nu/fl5a
  Replies (41) Good night (1474) Bad night (4733)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59114) Bad night (7120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you. http://tfl.nu/1wju
  Replies (55) Good night (8571) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy. http://tfl.nu/5u2t
  Replies (79) Good night (9384) Bad night (1316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse? http://tfl.nu/9r6j
  Replies (37) Good night (818) Bad night (9518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning http://tfl.nu/f3jq
  Replies (33) Good night (9533) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show. http://tfl.nu/h6zp
  Replies (16) Good night (7567) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name. http://tfl.nu/s3qy
  Replies (52) Good night (17013) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents? (1-617): Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend http://tfl.nu/hheb
  Replies (28) Good night (3641) Bad night (1096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  What's this douchebags name?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Rob...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!" (973): What's this douchebags name? (908): Rob... http://tfl.nu/raez
  Replies (67) Good night (7561) Bad night (3681)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions http://tfl.nu/u0tu
  Replies (27) Good night (1406) Bad night (3547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  we just fucked in the mcds parking lot

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  wasnt he a virgin

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  yes we got celebratory milkshakes after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): we just fucked in the mcds parking lot (1-732): wasnt he a virgin (732): yes we got celebratory milkshakes after http://tfl.nu/wnnd
  Replies (60) Good night (13266) Bad night (1035)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it http://tfl.nu/hlut
  Replies (65) Good night (5085) Bad night (1787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed http://tfl.nu/eq1c
  Replies (89) Good night (9013) Bad night (1504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting. http://tfl.nu/c1w6
  Replies (139) Good night (43929) Bad night (9334)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest. http://tfl.nu/jp7b
  Replies (36) Good night (6204) Bad night (2312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right? http://tfl.nu/y3vu
  Replies (49) Good night (1118) Bad night (7179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night. http://tfl.nu/vtqv
  Replies (26) Good night (842) Bad night (3775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever. http://tfl.nu/989r
  Replies (18) Good night (5577) Bad night (1594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour. http://tfl.nu/xoad
  Replies (26) Good night (8074) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I love having hate sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): I love having hate sex. http://tfl.nu/fz63
  Replies (43) Good night (5139) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before

  (806): View more from Texas

  he probably also told you he thought u were pretty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before (806): he probably also told you he thought u were pretty http://tfl.nu/s8x5
  Replies (22) Good night (1482) Bad night (6012)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom http://tfl.nu/tvji
  Replies (25) Good night (1302) Bad night (4165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex. http://tfl.nu/3zjj
  Replies (21) Good night (1700) Bad night (6358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her http://tfl.nu/auxf
  Replies (6) Good night (3415) Bad night (1565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  whatd she say to you?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table (1-256): whatd she say to you? (256): no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle http://tfl.nu/mg7u
  Replies (60) Good night (1865) Bad night (8175)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night. http://tfl.nu/15vj
  Replies (50) Good night (4894) Bad night (1533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho http://tfl.nu/chvf
  Replies (56) Good night (2007) Bad night (14756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable http://tfl.nu/6hw3
  Replies (32) Good night (988) Bad night (1666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight. http://tfl.nu/a6ne
  Replies (4) Good night (576) Bad night (1952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  ok i said sorry. what else do you want?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  100 blowjobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): ok i said sorry. what else do you want? (740): 100 blowjobs http://tfl.nu/an0u
  Replies (14) Good night (1921) Bad night (505)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you. http://tfl.nu/ld05
  Replies (11) Good night (3684) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you? http://tfl.nu/lfio
  Replies (72) Good night (20803) Bad night (3576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him. http://tfl.nu/d3m1
  Replies (31) Good night (11300) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship. http://tfl.nu/z11g
  Replies (23) Good night (1913) Bad night (4598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night. http://tfl.nu/yws8
  Replies (9) Good night (8392) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My cha cha got a haircut

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): My cha cha got a haircut (724): thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf http://tfl.nu/cixh
  Replies (34) Good night (1331) Bad night (9114)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt
  Replies (55) Good night (13540) Bad night (5082)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk http://tfl.nu/ail4
  Replies (33) Good night (4238) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.

  (713): View more from Texas

  what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over. (713): what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper. http://tfl.nu/jxuh
  Replies (95) Good night (814) Bad night (5723)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C. http://tfl.nu/06rr
  Replies (23) Good night (6913) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?

  (1-707): View more from California

  logic in its finest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i? (1-707): logic in its finest http://tfl.nu/z7qz
  Replies (41) Good night (4549) Bad night (2480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (353) Good night (7744) Bad night (48309)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys? http://tfl.nu/bo9t
  Replies (33) Good night (913) Bad night (5736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship. http://tfl.nu/8xz2
  Replies (26) Good night (7406) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?

  (818): View more from California

  by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA? (818): by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ http://tfl.nu/5i2r
  Replies (43) Good night (13881) Bad night (970)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to http://tfl.nu/xbm0
  Replies (33) Good night (1555) Bad night (4285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do. http://tfl.nu/xze3
  Replies (22) Good night (8760) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes http://tfl.nu/edsk
  Replies (31) Good night (9097) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose http://tfl.nu/p9h0
  Replies (32) Good night (13066) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved http://tfl.nu/t5ge
  Replies (33) Good night (7998) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You're such a slut.

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I prefer opportunist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): You're such a slut. (318): I prefer opportunist. http://tfl.nu/49c1
  Replies (27) Good night (6412) Bad night (819)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does http://tfl.nu/o8tg
  Replies (21) Good night (705) Bad night (5451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  what the hell does that mean?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here (1-208): what the hell does that mean? (208): nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages http://tfl.nu/of9o
  Replies (26) Good night (2458) Bad night (3791)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary. http://tfl.nu/vju6
  Replies (25) Good night (1088) Bad night (4593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again. http://tfl.nu/9v1i
  Replies (45) Good night (4810) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"

  (314): View more from Missouri

  did it work

  (573): View more from Missouri

  that's not the point...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?" (314): did it work (573): that's not the point... http://tfl.nu/fjqb
  Replies (74) Good night (9397) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me. http://tfl.nu/mwnt
  Replies (58) Good night (14213) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum... http://tfl.nu/p3s1
  Replies (20) Good night (7122) Bad night (1886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year? http://tfl.nu/9o4d
  Replies (58) Good night (9757) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either. http://tfl.nu/vb3y
  Replies (47) Good night (6207) Bad night (1493)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed http://tfl.nu/a070
  Replies (20) Good night (8139) Bad night (1299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day http://tfl.nu/bp9q
  Replies (36) Good night (6070) Bad night (1106)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Are you talking about my vagina?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it (919): Are you talking about my vagina? http://tfl.nu/sfmr
  Replies (29) Good night (8637) Bad night (760)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall? http://tfl.nu/yddz
  Replies (51) Good night (5921) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt