i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
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