Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
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