Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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