Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We have started to decorate penises.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
