lover36's Favorites Texts:

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.

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  (410): He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever." (410): I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much. http://tfl.nu/3c5w
  Replies (3) Good night (1098) Bad night (80)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship

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  (816): You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex (816): ...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship http://tfl.nu/eny9
  Replies (3) Good night (922) Bad night (84)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk

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  (503): Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk http://tfl.nu/l7fc
  Replies (9) Good night (468) Bad night (94) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.

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  (314): Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl. http://tfl.nu/hntx
  Replies (2) Good night (150) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.

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  (925): i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking. http://tfl.nu/rb0f
  Replies (5) Good night (727) Bad night (177) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...

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  (412): We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks... http://tfl.nu/xo0y
  Replies (3) Good night (354) Bad night (171) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I want your cock.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd

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  (904): I want your cock. (910): All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd http://tfl.nu/l1ri
  Replies (11) Good night (659) Bad night (210)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?

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  (303): Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob? http://tfl.nu/4t4l
  Replies (9) Good night (816) Bad night (138) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.

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  (801): Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment. http://tfl.nu/y6m4
  Replies (16) Good night (628) Bad night (1183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material

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  (+44): I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material http://tfl.nu/6zdu
  Replies (5) Good night (1134) Bad night (140)
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  (310): View more from California

  I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.

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  (310): I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life. http://tfl.nu/0deg
  Replies (6) Good night (952) Bad night (162) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I am not dying my bush blue.

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  (203): You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though. (860): I am not dying my bush blue. http://tfl.nu/alon
  Replies (10) Good night (638) Bad night (489)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.

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  (513): Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth. http://tfl.nu/s6hy
  Replies (5) Good night (1482) Bad night (179) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.

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  (615): Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face. http://tfl.nu/mm6o
  Replies (5) Good night (906) Bad night (152) Order T-Shirt
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.

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  (469): Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda. http://tfl.nu/k07e
  Replies (1) Good night (517) Bad night (178) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants

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  (248): I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants http://tfl.nu/k0mn
  Replies (5) Good night (960) Bad night (153) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.

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  (202): No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free. http://tfl.nu/2enk
  Replies (16) Good night (337) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.

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  (832): He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life. http://tfl.nu/3z94
  Replies (9) Good night (652) Bad night (151)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs

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  (205): Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs http://tfl.nu/afix
  Replies (2) Good night (496) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms

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  (719): I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms http://tfl.nu/gmys
  Replies (5) Good night (851) Bad night (117) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal

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  (201): It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal http://tfl.nu/8mo5
  Replies (2) Good night (604) Bad night (123) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.

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  (423): I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT. http://tfl.nu/s23s
  Replies (3) Good night (574) Bad night (130) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom

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  (402): If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom http://tfl.nu/036d
  Replies (2) Good night (705) Bad night (118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.

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  (860): Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better. http://tfl.nu/zwl1
  Replies (4) Good night (1067) Bad night (144) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.

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  (218): We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened. http://tfl.nu/ouo9
  Replies (4) Good night (920) Bad night (125)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot

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  (763): Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot http://tfl.nu/9zep
  Replies (6) Good night (368) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.

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  (208): Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice. http://tfl.nu/e14u
  Replies (10) Good night (927) Bad night (199) Order T-Shirt
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest

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  (662): The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance (1-662): Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest http://tfl.nu/10xm
  Replies (2) Good night (976) Bad night (132)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?

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  (416): feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano? http://tfl.nu/gww1
  Replies (7) Good night (1296) Bad night (145) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.

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  (206): As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light. http://tfl.nu/6mx3
  Replies (10) Good night (2315) Bad night (183) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class

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  (204): She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class http://tfl.nu/61qs
  Replies (8) Good night (433) Bad night (225) Order T-Shirt
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  (085): View more from

  I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper

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  (085): I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper http://tfl.nu/5ugi
  Replies (6) Good night (768) Bad night (150) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.

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  (404): Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want. http://tfl.nu/ce96
  Replies (5) Good night (1696) Bad night (187) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.

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  (216): My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me. http://tfl.nu/b8jl
  Replies (12) Good night (795) Bad night (134)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle

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  (570): Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle http://tfl.nu/qz61
  Replies (2) Good night (756) Bad night (132) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.

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  (425): 'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight. http://tfl.nu/r78k
  Replies (5) Good night (747) Bad night (232)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Would you like season tickets to my vagina?

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  (502): Would you like season tickets to my vagina? http://tfl.nu/fkgh
  Replies (12) Good night (1437) Bad night (152) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!

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  (646): Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth! http://tfl.nu/4hup
  Replies (5) Good night (1748) Bad night (183) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.

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  (519): He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat. http://tfl.nu/pqit
  Replies (10) Good night (1185) Bad night (308)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.

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  (917): Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life. http://tfl.nu/kv1x
  Replies (11) Good night (524) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  You can't just leave with hair like that

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  (248): You can't just leave with hair like that http://tfl.nu/83ql
  Replies (2) Good night (361) Bad night (213) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything

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  (304): I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything http://tfl.nu/gg1p
  Replies (6) Good night (1053) Bad night (167)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really

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  (231): You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really http://tfl.nu/kw3p
  Replies (6) Good night (1157) Bad night (172) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.

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  (248): It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk. http://tfl.nu/m630
  Replies (7) Good night (1178) Bad night (199)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing

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  (312): Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing http://tfl.nu/oxks
  Replies (8) Good night (1142) Bad night (227) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.

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  (601): At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by. http://tfl.nu/1wlf
  Replies (8) Good night (828) Bad night (255) Order T-Shirt
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.

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  (321): I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out. http://tfl.nu/5y00
  Replies (4) Good night (1421) Bad night (145) Order T-Shirt
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation

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  (+27): Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation http://tfl.nu/ycpp
  Replies (9) Good night (515) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?

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  (828): Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis? http://tfl.nu/tjmy
  Replies (12) Good night (745) Bad night (166) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.

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  (917): I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting. http://tfl.nu/4lzp
  Replies (7) Good night (1222) Bad night (178) Order T-Shirt
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69

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  (719): These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69 http://tfl.nu/x4aj
  Replies (2) Good night (649) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.

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  (413): He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex. http://tfl.nu/az8i
  Replies (1) Good night (227) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.

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  (226): We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose. http://tfl.nu/xde0
  Replies (5) Good night (518) Bad night (168) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.

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  (402): Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans. (605): Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon. http://tfl.nu/v291
  Replies (0) Good night (609) Bad night (298)
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  (585): View more from New York

  He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.

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  (585): He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota. http://tfl.nu/2rl1
  Replies (4) Good night (723) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?

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  (803): Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick? http://tfl.nu/r3gk
  Replies (4) Good night (1264) Bad night (168) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager

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  (248): i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager http://tfl.nu/jncg
  Replies (3) Good night (711) Bad night (196) Order T-Shirt
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses

  (770): View more from Georgia

  We'll talk about it later...

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  (478): How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses (770): We'll talk about it later... http://tfl.nu/vxl3
  Replies (2) Good night (761) Bad night (200)
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  (+33): View more from France

  If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.

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  (+33): If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome. http://tfl.nu/f909
  Replies (6) Good night (1947) Bad night (217)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs

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  (330): If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs http://tfl.nu/drl4
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow

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  (787): You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow http://tfl.nu/nndh
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!

  (1-910): View more from North Carolina

  No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!

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  (910): Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome! (1-910): No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?! http://tfl.nu/r3ev
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  whats our policy on dating high schoolers?

  (1-231): View more from Michigan

  we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does

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  (231): whats our policy on dating high schoolers? (1-231): we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does http://tfl.nu/ul27
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  That's true love, there.

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  (701): Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.' (701): That's true love, there. http://tfl.nu/22yh
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.

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  (541): Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body. http://tfl.nu/i81x
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.

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  (612): It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected. http://tfl.nu/ebyi
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.

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  (+44): Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face. http://tfl.nu/j54i
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet

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  (208): Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet http://tfl.nu/73eb
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager

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  (705): I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager http://tfl.nu/uera
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.

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  (910): Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music. http://tfl.nu/9l8h
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  It has heated floors

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  (574): Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom? (1-574): It has heated floors http://tfl.nu/xj5h
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick

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  (770): I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick http://tfl.nu/l70j
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink

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  (705): how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink http://tfl.nu/hb4c
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  (707): View more from California

  Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!

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  (707): Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that! http://tfl.nu/8zmt
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  (914): View more from New York

  When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.

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  (914): When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked. http://tfl.nu/4q7m
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  (718): View more from New York

  All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."

  (347): View more from New York

  What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.

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  (718): All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND." (347): What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls. http://tfl.nu/5x5n
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.

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  (770): I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid. http://tfl.nu/3jns
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  (214): View more from Texas

  True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like

  (972): View more from Texas

  Why do you text me weird shit like this?

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  (214): True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like (972): Why do you text me weird shit like this? http://tfl.nu/hcc5
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.

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  (860): I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't. http://tfl.nu/dn0x
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.

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  (303): Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now. http://tfl.nu/crnu
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"

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  (814): In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?" http://tfl.nu/nk2c
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell

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  (775): He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell http://tfl.nu/4swv
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room

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  (828): You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn. (828): Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room http://tfl.nu/vl43
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.

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  (701): Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard. http://tfl.nu/ybia
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.

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  (304): I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay? (1-304): Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime. http://tfl.nu/2vyh
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  (+47): View more from Norway

  You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me

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  (+47): You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me http://tfl.nu/d4vv
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.

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  (860): TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell. http://tfl.nu/0dz9
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  (925): View more from California

  Are sex swings allowed in dorms

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  (925): Are sex swings allowed in dorms http://tfl.nu/achv
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.

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  (215): Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you. http://tfl.nu/su7n
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  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.

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  (+31): Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming. http://tfl.nu/ki11
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.

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  (202): Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact. http://tfl.nu/fdj2
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  He could stay over, if you'd just ask.

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"

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  (706): He could stay over, if you'd just ask. (912): Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not" http://tfl.nu/x11w
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.

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  (902): Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends. http://tfl.nu/0yi1
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it

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  (+44): He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it http://tfl.nu/n5kq
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.

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  (260): He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him. http://tfl.nu/2xzg
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question

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  (336): Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question http://tfl.nu/9vj8
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.

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  (617): The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight. (1-617): Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it. http://tfl.nu/ikoi
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.

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  (815): after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even. http://tfl.nu/ebz9
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.

  (415): View more from California

  I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext

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  (317): TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT. (415): I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext http://tfl.nu/qb0z
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall

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  (+44): want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want (1+44): brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall http://tfl.nu/0u3p
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  (305): View more from Florida

  We have so much sex to catch up on

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  (305): We have so much sex to catch up on http://tfl.nu/h3pn
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.

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  (613): I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that. http://tfl.nu/ketf
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  (315): View more from New York

  Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.

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  (315): Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised. http://tfl.nu/8j6k
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.

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  (678): Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me. http://tfl.nu/6dhe
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it

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  (317): He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it http://tfl.nu/wxzi
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  (713): View more from Texas

  She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.

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  (713): She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience. http://tfl.nu/a6s4
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  that's how you measure success

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?

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  (401): that's how you measure success (1-401): By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday? http://tfl.nu/varj
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots

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  (519): I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots http://tfl.nu/46f2
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.

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  (706): I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose. http://tfl.nu/d385
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.

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  (813): Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick. http://tfl.nu/1ytv
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  (716): View more from New York

  I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.

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  (716): I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming. http://tfl.nu/r1ch
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.

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  (706): My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up. http://tfl.nu/hq93
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?

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  (503): Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right? http://tfl.nu/3qlx
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.

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  (905): And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced. http://tfl.nu/b7p5
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  (657): View more from California

  He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.

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  (657): He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option. http://tfl.nu/oidb
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.

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  (309): new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey. http://tfl.nu/5gwc
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  (914): View more from New York

  true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"

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  (914): true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS" http://tfl.nu/3w8r
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives

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  (513): I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives http://tfl.nu/f744
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.

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  (803): I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at. http://tfl.nu/pwf4
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.

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  (843): Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck. http://tfl.nu/fj8t
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.

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  (941): Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants. http://tfl.nu/rame
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..

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  (229): Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it .. http://tfl.nu/xli3
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.

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  (907): I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer. http://tfl.nu/7eiw
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.

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  (608): I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever. http://tfl.nu/xcdq
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  (425): View more from Washington

  OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?

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  (425): OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES? http://tfl.nu/syph
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.

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  (785): Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock. (785): I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice. http://tfl.nu/kw5d
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.

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  (601): He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT. http://tfl.nu/hra9
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake

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  (706): He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake http://tfl.nu/0u2m
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too

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  (954): I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too http://tfl.nu/81kp
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.

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  (850): Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians. (1-850): Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue. http://tfl.nu/hc5m
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.

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  (910): I gasped. Both pairs of lips did. http://tfl.nu/2kuf
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour

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  (215): I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour http://tfl.nu/upbq
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever

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  (765): So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever http://tfl.nu/rkn4
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.

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  (757): Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party. http://tfl.nu/ny5q
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.

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  (512): I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air. http://tfl.nu/cigy
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.

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  (913): He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me. http://tfl.nu/52qd
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  (817): View more from Texas

  We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden

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  (817): We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden http://tfl.nu/u7tp
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  (772): View more from Florida

  How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?

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  (772): How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer? http://tfl.nu/kmhe
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  Am I going to be on condom boxes?

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  (803): You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time. (1-803): Am I going to be on condom boxes? http://tfl.nu/pwx5
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.

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  (215): I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing. http://tfl.nu/pyii
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.

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  (908): He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound. http://tfl.nu/kpce
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.

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  (910): A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart. http://tfl.nu/fy2b
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward

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  (908): he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward http://tfl.nu/i7kv
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.

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  (785): And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week. http://tfl.nu/s5eh
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  (718): View more from New York

  Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.

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  (718): Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made. http://tfl.nu/tzd1
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.

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  (847): I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/tgoh
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.

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  (906): I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am. http://tfl.nu/v9bt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?

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  (651): How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now? http://tfl.nu/kz7z
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.

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  (403): We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex. http://tfl.nu/5276
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  (904): View more from Florida

  its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.

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  (904): its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go. http://tfl.nu/zvzo
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette

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  (973): You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette http://tfl.nu/vrto
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.

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  (920): Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night. http://tfl.nu/js17
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation

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  (484): i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation http://tfl.nu/uy0z
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Rumble strips road head = magical

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  (812): Rumble strips road head = magical http://tfl.nu/39lc
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.

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  (813): I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex. http://tfl.nu/7adn
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  (415): View more from California

  I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.

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  (415): I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong. http://tfl.nu/jmit
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  (925): View more from California

  The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves

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  (925): The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves http://tfl.nu/ye71
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.

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  (205): Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up. http://tfl.nu/igo8
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?

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  (615): I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there? http://tfl.nu/ykvu
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project

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  (207): I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project http://tfl.nu/3ddm
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"

  (406): View more from Montana

  Midwestern nice.

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  (608): He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!" (406): Midwestern nice. http://tfl.nu/grmw
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?

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  (509): I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood. (609): That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do? http://tfl.nu/arvc
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....

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  (303): The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING.... http://tfl.nu/av21
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  (227): View more from Maryland

  He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like

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  (227): He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like http://tfl.nu/muep
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  (941): View more from Florida

  He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.

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  (941): He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud. http://tfl.nu/s98m
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  (818): View more from California

  He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.

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  (818): He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type. http://tfl.nu/n4gn
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.

  (210): View more from Texas

  my parents really loved me back then.

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  (210): I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed. (210): my parents really loved me back then. http://tfl.nu/7xue
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  (530): View more from California

  red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.

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  (530): red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song. http://tfl.nu/0nv8
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.

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  (604): Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over. http://tfl.nu/sa4q
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.

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  (828): YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED. http://tfl.nu/ns1x
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  (914): View more from New York

  Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man

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  (914): Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man http://tfl.nu/0gs2
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.

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  (712): I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray. http://tfl.nu/8ri0
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.

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  (972): I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break. http://tfl.nu/fgur
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.

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  (+44): She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina. http://tfl.nu/51hz
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire

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  (484): if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire http://tfl.nu/0try
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.

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  (940): I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex. http://tfl.nu/o4rj
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  (631): View more from New York

  He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.

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  (631): He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment. http://tfl.nu/k4e4
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...

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  (206): I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him... http://tfl.nu/o74a
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.

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  (402): I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story. http://tfl.nu/wp0p
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.

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  (785): You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark. http://tfl.nu/p2c2
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical

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  (250): We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical http://tfl.nu/vxcf
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Why Weren't you wearing pants?

  (647): View more from Ontario

  because pants are for people with no imagination

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  (416): Why Weren't you wearing pants? (647): because pants are for people with no imagination http://tfl.nu/baiz
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.

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  (636): it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa. http://tfl.nu/cslo
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.

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  (586): He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs. http://tfl.nu/txkv
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.

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  (708): I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily. http://tfl.nu/de3q
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.

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  (419): Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing. http://tfl.nu/8u2a
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."

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  (603): Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner." http://tfl.nu/q4fy
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.

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  (508): I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking. http://tfl.nu/mdga
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?

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  (978): By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner? http://tfl.nu/55b6
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?

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  (505): Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away? http://tfl.nu/yzva
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.

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  (321): Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever. http://tfl.nu/zuk0
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  (831): View more from California

  After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"

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  (831): After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!" http://tfl.nu/os8d
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  (567): View more from Ohio

  Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.

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  (567): Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger. http://tfl.nu/4mv9
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  Too much penis in there.

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  (778): Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god" (1-778): Too much penis in there. http://tfl.nu/nb8j
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.

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  (+61): That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him. http://tfl.nu/ztsm
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew

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  (403): If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew http://tfl.nu/ebug
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.

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  (307): Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick. http://tfl.nu/ynec
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.

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  (509): Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner. http://tfl.nu/7ypr
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  (209): View more from California

  High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.

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  (209): High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch. http://tfl.nu/isdv
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily

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  (770): I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily http://tfl.nu/jbfr
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.

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  (843): Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco. http://tfl.nu/7zc7
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.

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  (807): It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time. http://tfl.nu/tzie
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  (516): View more from New York

  I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?

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  (516): I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight? http://tfl.nu/oach
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed

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  (734): I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed http://tfl.nu/ut1d
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.

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  (480): Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night. http://tfl.nu/4efw
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  (310): View more from California

  Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.

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  (310): Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it. http://tfl.nu/jpod
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.

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  (706): The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina. http://tfl.nu/6jcd
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.

  (1248): View more from

  That'll put some boobs in that bra.

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  (248): No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it. (1248): That'll put some boobs in that bra. http://tfl.nu/9gj6
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  (88): View more from

  Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!

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  (88): Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE! http://tfl.nu/c8a6
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"

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  (864): I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY" http://tfl.nu/isd1
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house

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  (412): Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house http://tfl.nu/5tya
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"

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  (205): He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos" http://tfl.nu/1xhi
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good

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  (847): This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good http://tfl.nu/2hdv
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.

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  (214): You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted. http://tfl.nu/igqi
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.

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  (781): You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right. http://tfl.nu/fzy9
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?

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  (610): Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits? http://tfl.nu/td8v
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.

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  (641): IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS. http://tfl.nu/d7hp
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.

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  (270): No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call. http://tfl.nu/mofx
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!

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  (443): I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD! http://tfl.nu/k4l1
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"

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  (337): He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out" http://tfl.nu/q7ym
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having

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  (720): Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having http://tfl.nu/k4bc
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?

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  (908): Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka? http://tfl.nu/zznq
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.

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  (419): Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me. http://tfl.nu/g7iq
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.

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  (307): just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT. http://tfl.nu/ndey
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.

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  (414): You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze. (414): After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned. http://tfl.nu/wsrv
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.

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  (307): As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex. http://tfl.nu/yx96
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  (681): View more from West Virginia

  Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.

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  (681): Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no. http://tfl.nu/cmwe
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.

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  (972): I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards. http://tfl.nu/fq92
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.

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  (740): Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome. http://tfl.nu/z77p
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.

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  (647): I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday. http://tfl.nu/lj8p
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  (921): View more from

  Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!

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  (921): Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK! http://tfl.nu/zhve
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?

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  (202): Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up? http://tfl.nu/celn
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Peanut butter balls.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD

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  (206): Peanut butter balls. (1-206): IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD http://tfl.nu/s2fd
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period

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  (440): Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period http://tfl.nu/lfle
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.

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  (740): Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked. http://tfl.nu/voiu
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.

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  (+61): I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in. http://tfl.nu/ilgv
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  (207): View more from Maine

  we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else

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  (207): we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else http://tfl.nu/gty0
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.

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  (612): I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head. http://tfl.nu/qs4d
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS

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  (978): I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS http://tfl.nu/o0md
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.

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  (256): I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night. http://tfl.nu/42hk
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.

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  (412): I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing. http://tfl.nu/guzu
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.

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  (972): I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors. http://tfl.nu/zrt1
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.

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  (919): I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline. http://tfl.nu/f3bf
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  (949): View more from California

  did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?

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  (949): did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass? http://tfl.nu/5kuh
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.

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  (603): I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night. http://tfl.nu/r0y8
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?

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  (402): Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night? http://tfl.nu/skph
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  all 3? possibly?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I think I'm up to the challenge.

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  (410): Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone. (732): all 3? possibly? (410): I think I'm up to the challenge. http://tfl.nu/jtli
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?

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  (814): I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today? http://tfl.nu/mxod
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group

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  (708): you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group http://tfl.nu/bihz
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.

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  (817): I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins. http://tfl.nu/povt
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  (951): View more from California

  diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.

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  (951): diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me. http://tfl.nu/ieik
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..

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  (605): I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us.. http://tfl.nu/2996
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT

  (440): View more from Ohio

  COME TO THE BLANKET FORT

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  (440): OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT (440): COME TO THE BLANKET FORT http://tfl.nu/1mvf
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  (626): View more from California

  I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.

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  (626): I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime. http://tfl.nu/zedi
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  (406): View more from Montana

  She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"

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  (406): She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle" http://tfl.nu/6pb6
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas

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  (740): I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas http://tfl.nu/8zhl
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.

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  (941): I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine. http://tfl.nu/f9af
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.

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  (913): My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/pa6u
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.

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  (+44): I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together. http://tfl.nu/fdbr
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville

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  (574): i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville http://tfl.nu/bgwo
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  (714): View more from California

  He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

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  (714): He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE. http://tfl.nu/67b2
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"

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  (907): We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!" http://tfl.nu/scid
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit

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  (706): I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit http://tfl.nu/wzhs
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.

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  (604): I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/byss
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.

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  (512): I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW. http://tfl.nu/y0o7
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth

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  (336): Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth http://tfl.nu/r0sd
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  (916): View more from California

  I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.

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  (916): I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask. http://tfl.nu/oc5v
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.

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  (513): Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives. http://tfl.nu/voqg
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.

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  (902): He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame. http://tfl.nu/bxcb
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  (+97): View more from

  Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.

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  (+97): Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer. http://tfl.nu/wfti
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.

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  (814): Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck. (215): Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate. http://tfl.nu/mf4n
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  (425): View more from Washington

  You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.

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  (425): You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia. http://tfl.nu/758u
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF

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  (202): Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF http://tfl.nu/zpe8
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.

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  (410): I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid. http://tfl.nu/ggrs
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.

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  (260): Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given. http://tfl.nu/4cnf
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.

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  (574): We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head. http://tfl.nu/s37i
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  (210): View more from Texas

  And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that

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  (210): And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that http://tfl.nu/fyxx
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".

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  (301): He said it. He actually said "yes it's in". http://tfl.nu/w699
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.

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  (985): Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece. http://tfl.nu/t3ih
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  (818): View more from California

  more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt

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  (818): more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt http://tfl.nu/uly3
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  (727): View more from Florida

  My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."

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  (727): My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ." http://tfl.nu/nnzb
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy

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  (270): my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy http://tfl.nu/5thn
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina

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  (902): Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina http://tfl.nu/gzz0
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  In some strange universe, yes

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  (662): So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores? (1-662): In some strange universe, yes http://tfl.nu/4gql
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Who wants vodka and apple sauce

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  (608): Who wants vodka and apple sauce http://tfl.nu/g86m
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...

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  (321): I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward... http://tfl.nu/s7n4
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  (315): View more from New York

  Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.

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  (315): Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking. http://tfl.nu/luay
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  (88): View more from

  As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.

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  (88): As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice. http://tfl.nu/ji6g
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Please be lying.

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Im not. Your family was creeped out

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  (636): You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased (314): Please be lying. (636): Im not. Your family was creeped out http://tfl.nu/82lj
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.

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  (310): I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover. http://tfl.nu/1zuj
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.

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  (850): I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl. http://tfl.nu/bohf
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  all of the above

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  (303): so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after??? (1-303): all of the above http://tfl.nu/yvgg
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.

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  (920): Any clothing i put on is too many clothes. http://tfl.nu/ufgw
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  (916): View more from California

  1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.

  (707): View more from California

  *roof

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  (916): 1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor. (707): *roof http://tfl.nu/ph25
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.

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  (937): I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem. http://tfl.nu/odx7
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  (714): View more from California

  She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.

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  (714): She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING. http://tfl.nu/p2v7
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.

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  (605): but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair. http://tfl.nu/hd3s
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.

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  (401): I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands. http://tfl.nu/2kp5
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.

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  (440): Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car. http://tfl.nu/ebaa
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  sex in a tree stand. check.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  you lucky bastard

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  (317): sex in a tree stand. check. (765): you lucky bastard http://tfl.nu/avsw
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?

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  (773): What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again? http://tfl.nu/duvn
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.

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  (571): My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have. http://tfl.nu/0vrk
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  (914): View more from New York

  The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.

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  (914): The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes. http://tfl.nu/xsso
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story

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  (515): Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story http://tfl.nu/kctl
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...

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  (520): Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first... http://tfl.nu/t3qp
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

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  (847): it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED http://tfl.nu/8bov
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.

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  (407): I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up. http://tfl.nu/xd0y
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  (210): View more from Texas

  IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.

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  (210): IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND. http://tfl.nu/ke4c
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.

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  (610): pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco. http://tfl.nu/n13q
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.

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  (330): OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX. http://tfl.nu/l62p
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?

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  (702): I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love? http://tfl.nu/7zb0
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.

  (415): View more from California

  Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.

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  (206): He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit. (415): Use your nursing skills for good, not evil. http://tfl.nu/0k9b
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  (512): View more from Texas

  He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game

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  (512): He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game http://tfl.nu/mfd2
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  It's a good cause. For your vagina.

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  (603): It's a good cause. For your vagina. http://tfl.nu/54ey
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny

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  (203): Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny http://tfl.nu/4qb9
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.

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  (717): Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet. http://tfl.nu/jos6
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.

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  (423): I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him. http://tfl.nu/x8vu
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  (281): View more from Texas

  If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.

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  (281): If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/0of8
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours

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  (203): I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours http://tfl.nu/8ktt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.

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  (604): The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why. http://tfl.nu/zoqm
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  (585): View more from New York

  By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.

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  (585): By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some. http://tfl.nu/uaz4
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.

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  (847): We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude. http://tfl.nu/9etc
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  (813): View more from Florida

  If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.

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  (813): If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/2jpe
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.

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  (423): Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/4jzk
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.

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  (503): Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy". (1-503): That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby. http://tfl.nu/9w8t
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.

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  (612): This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool. http://tfl.nu/kmsc
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  (619): View more from California

  For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.

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  (619): For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this. http://tfl.nu/nvhn
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.

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  (414): Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking. http://tfl.nu/i6qu
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex

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  (270): Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex http://tfl.nu/j5jn
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  (831): View more from California

  She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"

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  (831): She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock" http://tfl.nu/hp1z
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.

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  (320): He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick... (320): He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis. http://tfl.nu/fuv3
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..

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  (419): He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk.. http://tfl.nu/th8z
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis

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  (970): Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis http://tfl.nu/gujt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.

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  (360): The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN. http://tfl.nu/uweg
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  (510): View more from California

  It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.

  (1-510): View more from California

  First world problems?

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  (510): It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents. (1-510): First world problems? http://tfl.nu/77p2
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome

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  (+44): Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome http://tfl.nu/l1fy
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.

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  (419): There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night? (1-419): Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass. http://tfl.nu/devs
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  (727): View more from Florida

  We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.

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  (727): We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol. http://tfl.nu/xk91
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?

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  (770): Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier? http://tfl.nu/rucv
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.

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  (352): Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind. http://tfl.nu/tjuj
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?

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  (256): i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime? http://tfl.nu/inlq
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  (254): View more from Texas

  you are never too drunk for berry picking

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  (254): you are never too drunk for berry picking http://tfl.nu/1gaj
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.

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  (603): i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck. http://tfl.nu/oxfo
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  (518): View more from New York

  The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?

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  (518): The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right? http://tfl.nu/fa38
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  (516): View more from New York

  8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.

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  (516): 8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine. http://tfl.nu/fqbx
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  (415): View more from California

  I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.

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  (415): I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain. http://tfl.nu/kod9
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  (450): View more from Quebec

  She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...

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  (450): She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do... http://tfl.nu/okgn
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does

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  (574): No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does http://tfl.nu/khj9
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.

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  (407): I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs. http://tfl.nu/utt1
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  (845): View more from New York

  We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."

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  (845): We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..." http://tfl.nu/o2g7
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?

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  (203): If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche? http://tfl.nu/avjw
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  (360): View more from Washington

  All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.

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  (360): All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower. http://tfl.nu/z2xv
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Promise me you won't have sex in my room

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.

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  (954): Promise me you won't have sex in my room (248): I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try (248): Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge. http://tfl.nu/lf7v
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!

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  (512): I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate! http://tfl.nu/aytf
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Life is too short to have fake orgasms.

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  (412): Life is too short to have fake orgasms. http://tfl.nu/1oh4
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".

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  (+44): Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff". http://tfl.nu/952s
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.

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  (316): It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina. http://tfl.nu/v1d1
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  (435): View more from Utah

  honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those

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  (435): honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those http://tfl.nu/lx6k
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.

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  (973): Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical. http://tfl.nu/hbh3
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.

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  (864): Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some. http://tfl.nu/bkik
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor

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  (303): Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor http://tfl.nu/xy0n
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?

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  (319): Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world? http://tfl.nu/2f1z
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.

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  (613): She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place. http://tfl.nu/avtw
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.

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  (303): I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf. http://tfl.nu/kj2s
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.

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  (806): Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party. http://tfl.nu/ld7o
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.

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  (301): Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours. http://tfl.nu/5jwu
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.

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  (414): Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course. http://tfl.nu/ipu8
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  (607): View more from New York

  Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.

  (426): View more from

  So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.

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  (607): Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy. (426): So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee. http://tfl.nu/cx81
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.

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  (717): Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers. http://tfl.nu/8bi9
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex

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  (403): Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex http://tfl.nu/ohy9
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.

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  (630): Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago. http://tfl.nu/3f70
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  (408): View more from California

  Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.

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  (408): Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked. http://tfl.nu/qje8
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  (432): View more from Texas

  Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter

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  (432): Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter http://tfl.nu/o41k
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.

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  (724): You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails. http://tfl.nu/klfg
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..

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  (815): Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won.. http://tfl.nu/wk4z
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.

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  (256): You asked him for a membership to him and his dick. http://tfl.nu/mfxs
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  (805): View more from California

  I want "hickeys on my ass" sex

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  (805): I want "hickeys on my ass" sex http://tfl.nu/gaw7
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.

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  (612): I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms. http://tfl.nu/079r
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Get your penis over here NOW. emergency

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  (402): Get your penis over here NOW. emergency http://tfl.nu/eywx
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  (714): View more from California

  so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)

  (1-714): View more from California

  i'm so jealous of you right now.

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  (714): so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;) (1-714): i'm so jealous of you right now. http://tfl.nu/egrq
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.

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  (812): You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time. http://tfl.nu/0lxp
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless

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  (775): He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless http://tfl.nu/uuhp
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.

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  (309): Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night. http://tfl.nu/9na7
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.

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  (+44): I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina. http://tfl.nu/fp84
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.

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  (651): We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom. http://tfl.nu/dyyq
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  (626): View more from California

  While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.

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  (626): While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid. http://tfl.nu/l2lf
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.

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  (410): Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips. http://tfl.nu/4phy
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.

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  (586): He played pinball with my ovaries. He won. http://tfl.nu/otpy
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina

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  (603): I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina http://tfl.nu/bksp
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  (845): View more from New York

  Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12

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  (845): Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12 http://tfl.nu/01a6
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina

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  (706): I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina http://tfl.nu/j6ze
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw

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  (334): I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw http://tfl.nu/eazo
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  (213): View more from California

  Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.

  (1-213): View more from California

  best text I've received ever.

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  (213): Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon. (1-213): best text I've received ever. http://tfl.nu/3obm
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.

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  (412): I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever. http://tfl.nu/25nu
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.

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  (706): after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius" (404): I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off. http://tfl.nu/115h
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'

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  (309): he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins' http://tfl.nu/d755
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.

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  (330): OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM. http://tfl.nu/cuq6
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  (565): View more from

  He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!

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  (565): He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever! http://tfl.nu/cg62
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.

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  (208): If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that. http://tfl.nu/eu5z
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.

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  (404): I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success. http://tfl.nu/f7f6
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.

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  (908): He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS. http://tfl.nu/gbcc
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.

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  (937): My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you. http://tfl.nu/3o9h
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina

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  (406): I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina http://tfl.nu/3xqs
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.

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  (226): This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible. http://tfl.nu/a5mz
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable

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  (810): Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable http://tfl.nu/3me5
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today

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  (843): I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today http://tfl.nu/bbq7
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?

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  (802): He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been? http://tfl.nu/bs5q
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  (631): View more from New York

  fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic

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  (631): fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic http://tfl.nu/x558
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment

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  (316): At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment http://tfl.nu/s8j6
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL

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  (217): Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL http://tfl.nu/5sam
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.

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  (910): He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening. http://tfl.nu/sddk
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.

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  (919): Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today. http://tfl.nu/hnp2
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?

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  (405): Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream? http://tfl.nu/ecpk
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  (386): View more from Florida

  He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.

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  (386): He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck. http://tfl.nu/cvbc
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  (212): View more from New York

  how are things with the new girl?

  (917): View more from New York City

  good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked

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  (212): how are things with the new girl? (917): good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked http://tfl.nu/oe1i
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.

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  (413): I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR. http://tfl.nu/5elj
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?

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  (314): New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there? http://tfl.nu/271n
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.

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  (318): Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head. http://tfl.nu/6vvp
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me

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  (504): i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me http://tfl.nu/qsky
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.

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  (260): Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed. http://tfl.nu/ajvn
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.

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  (203): Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar. http://tfl.nu/i0ni
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  (954): View more from Florida

  damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian

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  (954): damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian http://tfl.nu/u64e
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.

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  (719): I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone. http://tfl.nu/u0bu
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face

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  (203): I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face http://tfl.nu/kk03
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.

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  (575): I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time. http://tfl.nu/x351
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  (619): View more from California

  I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit

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  (619): I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit http://tfl.nu/iywm
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.

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  (817): Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry. http://tfl.nu/qgh9
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed

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  (973): his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed http://tfl.nu/wvyq
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?

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  (253): Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls? http://tfl.nu/i6ht
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