Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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