How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
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Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.
@GetOffMyLawn -- Remarkably appropriate comment, given your username.
You can't make a dildo a sandwich.
You have to be friends with him that way you can SUCK and FUCK the SAME dick at the SAME time... Not many people can say that.
Be friends with both!
technically. you're already friends with benefits. Bonus- you don't have to sleep with him for obvious reasons.