At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
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