It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
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