ladydisdain's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven. http://tfl.nu/19wc
  Replies (3) Good night (1082) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived. http://tfl.nu/meie
  Replies (5) Good night (1186) Bad night (143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth! http://tfl.nu/4hup
  Replies (5) Good night (1748) Bad night (183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy. http://tfl.nu/2450
  Replies (4) Good night (1190) Bad night (231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism. http://tfl.nu/hgk9
  Replies (3) Good night (521) Bad night (122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried http://tfl.nu/4pug
  Replies (2) Good night (901) Bad night (181) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches. http://tfl.nu/v2w2
  Replies (9) Good night (666) Bad night (276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  we need a secret handshake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night? (1-616): we need a secret handshake http://tfl.nu/i0zy
  Replies (7) Good night (1309) Bad night (180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories. http://tfl.nu/op72
  Replies (6) Good night (1870) Bad night (214)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now. http://tfl.nu/jexc
  Replies (6) Good night (1040) Bad night (175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends. http://tfl.nu/6wle
  Replies (3) Good night (743) Bad night (174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex. http://tfl.nu/pzxj
  Replies (5) Good night (1627) Bad night (202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor. http://tfl.nu/zxit
  Replies (3) Good night (970) Bad night (172)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends. http://tfl.nu/0yi1
  Replies (11) Good night (2037) Bad night (224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex? http://tfl.nu/8w6e
  Replies (8) Good night (828) Bad night (217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude. http://tfl.nu/8z2h
  Replies (8) Good night (1932) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?' http://tfl.nu/4a3m
  Replies (7) Good night (1867) Bad night (278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex. http://tfl.nu/1bgl
  Replies (8) Good night (1628) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets. http://tfl.nu/qvke
  Replies (9) Good night (1630) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel http://tfl.nu/1v3g
  Replies (15) Good night (1164) Bad night (293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I drink to make the karaoke go away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I drink to make the karaoke go away. http://tfl.nu/0jio
  Replies (6) Good night (752) Bad night (224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor. http://tfl.nu/j4bf
  Replies (13) Good night (2367) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult http://tfl.nu/exna
  Replies (8) Good night (1876) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it. http://tfl.nu/i1s8
  Replies (8) Good night (1413) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me http://tfl.nu/5vfc
  Replies (5) Good night (932) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today http://tfl.nu/dvgl
  Replies (5) Good night (1664) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns. http://tfl.nu/o535
  Replies (12) Good night (997) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina. http://tfl.nu/6jcd
  Replies (9) Good night (2154) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages http://tfl.nu/zo01
  Replies (9) Good night (579) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP. http://tfl.nu/nipi
  Replies (11) Good night (2990) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO http://tfl.nu/dlgw
  Replies (23) Good night (3808) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero (618): I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/8x23
  Replies (16) Good night (2697) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis http://tfl.nu/gujt
  Replies (13) Good night (3465) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS http://tfl.nu/bm5y
  Replies (5) Good night (2091) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me. http://tfl.nu/97jo
  Replies (5) Good night (1626) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted http://tfl.nu/7fyh
  Replies (3) Good night (1028) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours. http://tfl.nu/5jwu
  Replies (10) Good night (3250) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or http://tfl.nu/vwgc
  Replies (21) Good night (1612) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds. http://tfl.nu/t6po
  Replies (3) Good night (1658) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.

  (1-213): View more from California

  best text I've received ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon. (1-213): best text I've received ever. http://tfl.nu/3obm
  Replies (16) Good night (4704) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence http://tfl.nu/8d0r
  Replies (8) Good night (1274) Bad night (290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked. http://tfl.nu/50u7
  Replies (8) Good night (2177) Bad night (409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body http://tfl.nu/gs9m
  Replies (7) Good night (1319) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan. http://tfl.nu/f7sf
  Replies (13) Good night (2074) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s http://tfl.nu/9pu3
  Replies (13) Good night (1182) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!! http://tfl.nu/8r5y
  Replies (14) Good night (1302) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me http://tfl.nu/3gz2
  Replies (2) Good night (1216) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane. http://tfl.nu/dlou
  Replies (20) Good night (3619) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk. http://tfl.nu/8anb
  Replies (11) Good night (2788) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt. http://tfl.nu/2b1c
  Replies (7) Good night (628) Bad night (1772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit http://tfl.nu/q27h
  Replies (16) Good night (2792) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm. http://tfl.nu/vdhu
  Replies (15) Good night (4646) Bad night (522)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  he is risen halelujah

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ (1-303): he is risen halelujah http://tfl.nu/sbcr
  Replies (6) Good night (1349) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE http://tfl.nu/qfju
  Replies (6) Good night (2125) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel. http://tfl.nu/egxv
  Replies (3) Good night (1236) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears? http://tfl.nu/m0sz
  Replies (4) Good night (631) Bad night (899)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy http://tfl.nu/y3l1
  Replies (14) Good night (2022) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious. http://tfl.nu/zbxr
  Replies (7) Good night (1355) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend. http://tfl.nu/0gh5
  Replies (10) Good night (3377) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex. http://tfl.nu/eztj
  Replies (8) Good night (1829) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life. http://tfl.nu/o39j
  Replies (6) Good night (1271) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded http://tfl.nu/240k
  Replies (9) Good night (5204) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled. http://tfl.nu/99xj
  Replies (5) Good night (1374) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit http://tfl.nu/iywm
  Replies (8) Good night (2625) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies. http://tfl.nu/sr2h
  Replies (17) Good night (2616) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath http://tfl.nu/x0dh
  Replies (7) Good night (2488) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  You eat cookies in the shower?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie. (1-608): You eat cookies in the shower? http://tfl.nu/pj2d
  Replies (10) Good night (3100) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop. http://tfl.nu/b326
  Replies (18) Good night (553) Bad night (1316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for? http://tfl.nu/dlqr
  Replies (22) Good night (3577) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during http://tfl.nu/5f1x
  Replies (19) Good night (2533) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not http://tfl.nu/br11
  Replies (10) Good night (1374) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil. http://tfl.nu/r5gy
  Replies (1) Good night (1833) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED

  (+04): View more from

  Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED (+04): Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you. http://tfl.nu/xp3j
  Replies (9) Good night (2325) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  "can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): "can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time http://tfl.nu/xrvp
  Replies (12) Good night (2617) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed. http://tfl.nu/nsl5
  Replies (14) Good night (3612) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything. http://tfl.nu/wqjw
  Replies (5) Good night (2041) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  All I want is tacobeell and your body

  (1-925): View more from California

  that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): All I want is tacobeell and your body (1-925): that's my favorite sentence you've ever said. http://tfl.nu/3boc
  Replies (8) Good night (2723) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone. http://tfl.nu/jgmj
  Replies (21) Good night (2454) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup. http://tfl.nu/dnmt
  Replies (12) Good night (3091) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem. http://tfl.nu/85aq
  Replies (4) Good night (2009) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period? http://tfl.nu/rj9s
  Replies (7) Good night (1244) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch http://tfl.nu/iuw1
  Replies (20) Good night (2931) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote. (513): I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now. http://tfl.nu/2ikr
  Replies (17) Good night (638) Bad night (1517)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you. http://tfl.nu/pksa
  Replies (6) Good night (4555) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm drinking too much free beer

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I'm drinking too much free beer (508): Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible. http://tfl.nu/a7hm
  Replies (14) Good night (2291) Bad night (995)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease. (507): Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits. http://tfl.nu/blof
  Replies (18) Good night (2616) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango (1-717): IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN. http://tfl.nu/b5hl
  Replies (44) Good night (1468) Bad night (5110)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel http://tfl.nu/ythu
  Replies (5) Good night (1306) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should probably take note of that and make it happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards. (267): You should probably take note of that and make it happen. http://tfl.nu/k5f3
  Replies (22) Good night (2588) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness http://tfl.nu/l65r
  Replies (17) Good night (3055) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple. http://tfl.nu/c07n
  Replies (11) Good night (2015) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob http://tfl.nu/pg2m
  Replies (13) Good night (2612) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor. http://tfl.nu/bso0
  Replies (10) Good night (1725) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Do what your heart wants. . .

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Do what your heart wants. . . (504): My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis http://tfl.nu/o9fm
  Replies (7) Good night (2410) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water. http://tfl.nu/12pc
  Replies (4) Good night (1072) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt? http://tfl.nu/w4he
  Replies (15) Good night (3144) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  There are so many Jimmy John's employees here

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Where are you?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Jimmy John's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): There are so many Jimmy John's employees here (1-512): Where are you? (512): Jimmy John's. http://tfl.nu/2l3c
  Replies (10) Good night (5582) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid. http://tfl.nu/e1xm
  Replies (3) Good night (2989) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done. http://tfl.nu/ojtz
  Replies (31) Good night (2799) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober. http://tfl.nu/dut2
  Replies (5) Good night (1400) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer http://tfl.nu/dafr
  Replies (18) Good night (2085) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing. http://tfl.nu/xrfi
  Replies (26) Good night (1840) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry http://tfl.nu/mjn0
  Replies (5) Good night (1389) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates. http://tfl.nu/cot7
  Replies (25) Good night (5820) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you. http://tfl.nu/rtfn
  Replies (5) Good night (1653) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki http://tfl.nu/rhok
  Replies (14) Good night (2781) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  How did you make it to work sans hangover?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): How did you make it to work sans hangover? (816): 4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols http://tfl.nu/2csk
  Replies (8) Good night (1701) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina? http://tfl.nu/lipw
  Replies (8) Good night (2651) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number. http://tfl.nu/j9e9
  Replies (21) Good night (3575) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax. http://tfl.nu/b5v2
  Replies (5) Good night (2475) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation... (404): I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud. http://tfl.nu/9qj8
  Replies (8) Good night (3712) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that. http://tfl.nu/4zse
  Replies (14) Good night (2756) Bad night (1544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls. http://tfl.nu/rbr1
  Replies (13) Good night (3705) Bad night (1299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D http://tfl.nu/3txw
  Replies (15) Good night (2340) Bad night (864)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment. http://tfl.nu/rfmt
  Replies (4) Good night (2111) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you. http://tfl.nu/i94o
  Replies (6) Good night (1725) Bad night (1154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child. http://tfl.nu/mund
  Replies (4) Good night (1969) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college. (512): Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good. http://tfl.nu/chyc
  Replies (9) Good night (1414) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at http://tfl.nu/66cb
  Replies (5) Good night (2416) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me http://tfl.nu/9ft0
  Replies (4) Good night (685) Bad night (1604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel. http://tfl.nu/lrsp
  Replies (17) Good night (4237) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it. http://tfl.nu/s0lk
  Replies (16) Good night (3053) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue. http://tfl.nu/zl9g
  Replies (6) Good night (2695) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie. http://tfl.nu/haj1
  Replies (23) Good night (6560) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs http://tfl.nu/6o6j
  Replies (7) Good night (1958) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  French fry pizza

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Are you brilliant or just really high?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Can't it be both?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): French fry pizza (502): Are you brilliant or just really high? (330): Can't it be both? http://tfl.nu/8jk8
  Replies (8) Good night (3222) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex. http://tfl.nu/hnii
  Replies (4) Good night (3392) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other http://tfl.nu/go45
  Replies (15) Good night (3257) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me. http://tfl.nu/bsmu
  Replies (8) Good night (2443) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar http://tfl.nu/fy9n
  Replies (6) Good night (3065) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex http://tfl.nu/jqzk
  Replies (5) Good night (2742) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS http://tfl.nu/zymg
  Replies (7) Good night (2258) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works." http://tfl.nu/3ym3
  Replies (8) Good night (3521) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs. http://tfl.nu/f5jy
  Replies (16) Good night (2527) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Come, dress lightly, bring tequila... http://tfl.nu/t2fe
  Replies (6) Good night (2083) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms http://tfl.nu/d1qk
  Replies (5) Good night (1848) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend? http://tfl.nu/abvl
  Replies (28) Good night (7980) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja http://tfl.nu/0h0h
  Replies (9) Good night (5025) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes http://tfl.nu/pban
  Replies (21) Good night (4763) Bad night (1374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law. http://tfl.nu/o7ax
  Replies (7) Good night (3503) Bad night (1013)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera http://tfl.nu/ouai
  Replies (10) Good night (2710) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind" http://tfl.nu/r0zl
  Replies (4) Good night (2556) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account http://tfl.nu/ufbc
  Replies (20) Good night (5238) Bad night (1139)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  that's what penises do

  (254): View more from Texas

  they tell lies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): that's what penises do (254): they tell lies. http://tfl.nu/si8y
  Replies (14) Good night (4542) Bad night (1183)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him. http://tfl.nu/iy8v
  Replies (19) Good night (4886) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/ay3j
  Replies (23) Good night (7448) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to? http://tfl.nu/2zz0
  Replies (32) Good night (1153) Bad night (3049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option. http://tfl.nu/dknj
  Replies (22) Good night (6186) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol. http://tfl.nu/qjw2
  Replies (10) Good night (8995) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  Your pregnant arnt you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil. (1-646): Your pregnant arnt you http://tfl.nu/t59m
  Replies (21) Good night (1534) Bad night (5224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed. http://tfl.nu/yhbt
  Replies (15) Good night (1183) Bad night (5387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year http://tfl.nu/bdbv
  Replies (9) Good night (5945) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright. http://tfl.nu/328h
  Replies (17) Good night (7130) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  the only muscles i have these days is kegels

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): the only muscles i have these days is kegels http://tfl.nu/1pmr
  Replies (13) Good night (3921) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys http://tfl.nu/ae48
  Replies (22) Good night (6547) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly. http://tfl.nu/yfkr
  Replies (7) Good night (3693) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve. http://tfl.nu/asc9
  Replies (6) Good night (6546) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy http://tfl.nu/u5b8
  Replies (51) Good night (8152) Bad night (1440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort. http://tfl.nu/ivbh
  Replies (71) Good night (19593) Bad night (1800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final http://tfl.nu/7b8j
  Replies (18) Good night (9843) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven. http://tfl.nu/24p0
  Replies (42) Good night (9786) Bad night (1227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals http://tfl.nu/h68j
  Replies (33) Good night (8615) Bad night (1184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian? http://tfl.nu/oazh
  Replies (42) Good night (10109) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  I ordered a moonbounce.

  (813): View more from Florida

  Fuck, you win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party. (1-813): I ordered a moonbounce. (813): Fuck, you win. http://tfl.nu/qedv
  Replies (39) Good night (10236) Bad night (891)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing. http://tfl.nu/9cqq
  Replies (15) Good night (5066) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot? http://tfl.nu/xzhr
  Replies (16) Good night (4337) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas. http://tfl.nu/lamz
  Replies (41) Good night (4436) Bad night (7244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things. http://tfl.nu/e6ox
  Replies (36) Good night (9120) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever. http://tfl.nu/mih5
  Replies (13) Good night (5042) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex" http://tfl.nu/rqj6
  Replies (16) Good night (6118) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me. (706): Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest. http://tfl.nu/zfpy
  Replies (75) Good night (2101) Bad night (3887)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick http://tfl.nu/4tuf
  Replies (35) Good night (7442) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj . http://tfl.nu/vtaw
  Replies (17) Good night (8053) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit. http://tfl.nu/7z3f
  Replies (20) Good night (3539) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (49) Good night (17805) Bad night (1257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting. http://tfl.nu/31wc
  Replies (14) Good night (5780) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on http://tfl.nu/5tgi
  Replies (43) Good night (9398) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/lg2v
  Replies (26) Good night (10602) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode http://tfl.nu/uv7a
  Replies (29) Good night (7015) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers http://tfl.nu/65ag
  Replies (8) Good night (4599) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes. http://tfl.nu/ehgd
  Replies (35) Good night (904) Bad night (7943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles. http://tfl.nu/duc8
  Replies (37) Good night (10538) Bad night (1225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song. http://tfl.nu/3qmr
  Replies (15) Good night (5930) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  As in blowjob or cannibalism?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance. (1-515): As in blowjob or cannibalism? (515): I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal. http://tfl.nu/r3de
  Replies (71) Good night (3919) Bad night (1339)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control. http://tfl.nu/aw3o
  Replies (36) Good night (6126) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding. http://tfl.nu/2d2l
  Replies (35) Good night (1478) Bad night (6442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead. http://tfl.nu/olst
  Replies (39) Good night (5324) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  GO. BACK. NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash (1-513): GO. BACK. NOW. http://tfl.nu/zc24
  Replies (42) Good night (6445) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh http://tfl.nu/x346
  Replies (29) Good night (10109) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever http://tfl.nu/0zmb
  Replies (19) Good night (5897) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college http://tfl.nu/rv3o
  Replies (67) Good night (4526) Bad night (1324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (25469) Bad night (1344)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on. http://tfl.nu/rma0
  Replies (21) Good night (6199) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight http://tfl.nu/nfvu
  Replies (48) Good night (12821) Bad night (1315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like http://tfl.nu/ol8k
  Replies (72) Good night (12561) Bad night (1138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks. http://tfl.nu/8eyu
  Replies (46) Good night (19190) Bad night (1399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction. http://tfl.nu/2rxz
  Replies (58) Good night (1117) Bad night (7157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this http://tfl.nu/fwmk
  Replies (29) Good night (16962) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated. http://tfl.nu/xw0x
  Replies (17) Good night (16761) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (51) Good night (24086) Bad night (1575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty. http://tfl.nu/9wi8
  Replies (100) Good night (12156) Bad night (1769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51
  Replies (98) Good night (27347) Bad night (1735)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You make your fellow Jews happy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more. (1-412): You make your fellow Jews happy. http://tfl.nu/gpio
  Replies (16) Good night (6190) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried http://tfl.nu/b5zu
  Replies (7) Good night (6528) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP http://tfl.nu/kebb
  Replies (19) Good night (5146) Bad night (2499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade. http://tfl.nu/llb7
  Replies (25) Good night (20278) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!" http://tfl.nu/l7i0
  Replies (6) Good night (5661) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records. http://tfl.nu/dlha
  Replies (41) Good night (8877) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  even your uterus rejects him.

  (1-562): View more from California

  apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): even your uterus rejects him. (1-562): apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body. http://tfl.nu/g0cm
  Replies (7) Good night (5171) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex. http://tfl.nu/p49h
  Replies (46) Good night (14092) Bad night (1901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila http://tfl.nu/42fz
  Replies (24) Good night (1310) Bad night (3758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze http://tfl.nu/jmci
  Replies (4) Good night (4243) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment. http://tfl.nu/imr3
  Replies (43) Good night (1575) Bad night (5367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  we'll go far in life on tits alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): we'll go far in life on tits alone. http://tfl.nu/gwfe
  Replies (22) Good night (4882) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class http://tfl.nu/k0s2
  Replies (23) Good night (4382) Bad night (1322)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish. http://tfl.nu/b1hn
  Replies (20) Good night (11340) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else. http://tfl.nu/yur0
  Replies (47) Good night (12806) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics http://tfl.nu/1cmu
  Replies (13) Good night (4710) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT. http://tfl.nu/lt7f
  Replies (27) Good night (1023) Bad night (6053)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (118) Good night (26882) Bad night (4294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun... http://tfl.nu/vbhp
  Replies (10) Good night (5318) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars http://tfl.nu/5ijc
  Replies (12) Good night (6157) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12 http://tfl.nu/a1h6
  Replies (44) Good night (6501) Bad night (2467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed. http://tfl.nu/hsgt
  Replies (35) Good night (1649) Bad night (6585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free. http://tfl.nu/2six
  Replies (42) Good night (9680) Bad night (1508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  how high are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos? (828): how high are you? http://tfl.nu/9z76
  Replies (59) Good night (12150) Bad night (1542)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was http://tfl.nu/iq7q
  Replies (58) Good night (16497) Bad night (1840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people. http://tfl.nu/k0xd
  Replies (110) Good night (9227) Bad night (2042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"

  (760): View more from California

  When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex" (760): When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely." http://tfl.nu/jlap
  Replies (19) Good night (6739) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often. http://tfl.nu/ixlv
  Replies (15) Good night (4483) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again. http://tfl.nu/rkzi
  Replies (27) Good night (6098) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice? http://tfl.nu/r74z
  Replies (90) Good night (3963) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up... http://tfl.nu/b9ou
  Replies (55) Good night (6059) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus? http://tfl.nu/vinz
  Replies (20) Good night (4072) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now.. http://tfl.nu/43y7
  Replies (23) Good night (5411) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair http://tfl.nu/0fee
  Replies (16) Good night (6206) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow (1-269): Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10 http://tfl.nu/n472
  Replies (63) Good night (14894) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out. http://tfl.nu/l8yc
  Replies (20) Good night (4593) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  You shut your mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy (1-313): You shut your mouth http://tfl.nu/xp5b
  Replies (34) Good night (1327) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...? http://tfl.nu/n1uy
  Replies (183) Good night (5457) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  hows the new call of duty?

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): hows the new call of duty? (1-207): I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome. http://tfl.nu/zewm
  Replies (78) Good night (5432) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect http://tfl.nu/eleg
  Replies (13) Good night (1006) Bad night (2245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood http://tfl.nu/dhuu
  Replies (113) Good night (949) Bad night (6152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance. http://tfl.nu/kmco
  Replies (18) Good night (706) Bad night (4516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia http://tfl.nu/7fa5
  Replies (17) Good night (1982) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage? http://tfl.nu/cpvo
  Replies (12) Good night (5339) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost. http://tfl.nu/voez
  Replies (41) Good night (7514) Bad night (2096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out http://tfl.nu/fsk9
  Replies (106) Good night (21011) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?

  (1-845): View more from New York

  Who won mens moguls?

  (845): View more from New York

  That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously? (1-845): Who won mens moguls? (845): That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude. http://tfl.nu/8mik
  Replies (63) Good night (6544) Bad night (2061)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well how do you think I feel

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  fair enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate (401): Well how do you think I feel (860): fair enough http://tfl.nu/zhgr
  Replies (39) Good night (9372) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Me specifically?

  (903): View more from Texas

  Yep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Today in psych we learned that you are a whore. (1-314): Me specifically? (903): Yep. http://tfl.nu/w818
  Replies (44) Good night (9448) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer. http://tfl.nu/5zs6
  Replies (44) Good night (4350) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Nevermind, it's not water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle. (907): Nevermind, it's not water. http://tfl.nu/jzsy
  Replies (24) Good night (7004) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise. http://tfl.nu/s84e
  Replies (7) Good night (6577) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you http://tfl.nu/7a0u
  Replies (57) Good night (11997) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé http://tfl.nu/voe0
  Replies (29) Good night (7550) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high. http://tfl.nu/w9mm
  Replies (28) Good night (6063) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal" (501): Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him... http://tfl.nu/wsps
  Replies (15) Good night (5972) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.

  (208): View more from Idaho

  ha well at least you have goals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong. (208): ha well at least you have goals. http://tfl.nu/c71p
  Replies (49) Good night (6853) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart. http://tfl.nu/dd9c
  Replies (21) Good night (6828) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night. http://tfl.nu/520f
  Replies (31) Good night (2446) Bad night (7071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger. http://tfl.nu/48s1
  Replies (58) Good night (3427) Bad night (7589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride http://tfl.nu/utbu
  Replies (47) Good night (981) Bad night (7493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was http://tfl.nu/zwm2
  Replies (51) Good night (988) Bad night (8809)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery. http://tfl.nu/iy17
  Replies (64) Good night (1529) Bad night (9619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. http://tfl.nu/rrn9
  Replies (117) Good night (2993) Bad night (11686)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties? http://tfl.nu/8a9h
  Replies (283) Good night (1157) Bad night (13329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock. http://tfl.nu/vs51
  Replies (110) Good night (1001) Bad night (13415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period http://tfl.nu/tso5
  Replies (217) Good night (1382) Bad night (28778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity http://tfl.nu/qinl
  Replies (67) Good night (11730) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  6 min

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers (1-215): 6 min http://tfl.nu/dx1s
  Replies (64) Good night (10377) Bad night (1360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"

  (913): View more from Kansas

  did you yell "are you not entertained?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude" (913): did you yell "are you not entertained?" http://tfl.nu/qa0j
  Replies (21) Good night (6833) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain. http://tfl.nu/vwtj
  Replies (51) Good night (25357) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some... http://tfl.nu/wqbb
  Replies (18) Good night (5211) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture. http://tfl.nu/0rjo
  Replies (18) Good night (4432) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box? http://tfl.nu/nvmk
  Replies (61) Good night (14416) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  im bored tell me something entertaining

  (206): View more from Washington

  You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): im bored tell me something entertaining (206): You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam. http://tfl.nu/m0ao
  Replies (48) Good night (1438) Bad night (9595)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk

  (1-914): View more from New York

  It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk (1-914): It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you http://tfl.nu/bgwq
  Replies (55) Good night (8507) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys. http://tfl.nu/6qzw
  Replies (26) Good night (11091) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish. http://tfl.nu/lwox
  Replies (42) Good night (19859) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff http://tfl.nu/b3xl
  Replies (83) Good night (11903) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (50) Good night (29878) Bad night (1110)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later. http://tfl.nu/9zcr
  Replies (33) Good night (10968) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!" http://tfl.nu/94sw
  Replies (84) Good night (13075) Bad night (1529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms http://tfl.nu/1qb7
  Replies (27) Good night (11727) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do. http://tfl.nu/8y8e
  Replies (74) Good night (13884) Bad night (1713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy. http://tfl.nu/7hz1
  Replies (41) Good night (11623) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me. http://tfl.nu/826q
  Replies (131) Good night (14357) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere http://tfl.nu/2ys4
  Replies (58) Good night (14542) Bad night (1206)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles. http://tfl.nu/jmsm
  Replies (32) Good night (14910) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart http://tfl.nu/ug8y
  Replies (27) Good night (16911) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right http://tfl.nu/htd0
  Replies (31) Good night (28857) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38540) Bad night (1468)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt
  Replies (76) Good night (38322) Bad night (1650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/pxgw
  Replies (134) Good night (43798) Bad night (1657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
  Replies (179) Good night (85907) Bad night (3081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (301) Good night (100330) Bad night (5713)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (485) Good night (173076) Bad night (6901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/xu8i
  Replies (39) Good night (6667) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  it's like iHOP with fire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): it's like iHOP with fire http://tfl.nu/9idi
  Replies (20) Good night (3832) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off? http://tfl.nu/zq3l
  Replies (112) Good night (24099) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love http://tfl.nu/13ff
  Replies (78) Good night (25780) Bad night (2952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes. http://tfl.nu/4wgk
  Replies (45) Good night (28352) Bad night (1976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang". http://tfl.nu/9dw0
  Replies (67) Good night (25473) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex. http://tfl.nu/adpf
  Replies (157) Good night (31293) Bad night (1129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (182) Good night (51528) Bad night (1870)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (131) Good night (60858) Bad night (1897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (235) Good night (64853) Bad night (2526)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142171) Bad night (9315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (444) Good night (112227) Bad night (9731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success http://tfl.nu/bau6
  Replies (52) Good night (8660) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting http://tfl.nu/k7m6
  Replies (78) Good night (9454) Bad night (1470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry. http://tfl.nu/ss0l
  Replies (13) Good night (8485) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq
  Replies (37) Good night (13356) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it. (785): again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now. http://tfl.nu/6i8m
  Replies (36) Good night (1474) Bad night (6875)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones! http://tfl.nu/aql1
  Replies (72) Good night (6509) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59137) Bad night (7125) Order T-Shirt