I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
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