How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
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We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
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