Texts From Last Night · amp85d's Favorites

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amp85d's Favorites Texts:

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(503): View more from Oregon

That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy

Fav 2 670 903
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(407): View more from Florida

It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.

Fav 2 1681 877
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(813): View more from Florida

My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.

Fav 0 147 126
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(765): View more from Indiana

So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever

Fav 3 1430 701
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(937): View more from Ohio

I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.

Fav 8 2779 922
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(618): View more from Illinois

Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.

Fav 3 173 246
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(803): View more from South Carolina

I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"

Fav 4 1513 702
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(503): View more from Oregon

Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.

Fav 1 283 107
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