There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
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