I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
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