I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We left the knife in your bed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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