I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Loading more great texts...