Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
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