Lucks0nMySide's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche http://tfl.nu/ro2o
  Replies (5) Good night (648) Bad night (309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it. http://tfl.nu/e2co
  Replies (5) Good night (600) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos http://tfl.nu/8sxj
  Replies (7) Good night (1758) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Yea. I'm excited about this party too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand. (678): Yea. I'm excited about this party too http://tfl.nu/ksx0
  Replies (4) Good night (1817) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties http://tfl.nu/jqe8
  Replies (2) Good night (905) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition. http://tfl.nu/iv4o
  Replies (20) Good night (2557) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed. http://tfl.nu/czkr
  Replies (8) Good night (508) Bad night (1274)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity? http://tfl.nu/jd0w
  Replies (10) Good night (2497) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way. http://tfl.nu/age7
  Replies (9) Good night (918) Bad night (1289)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I love you bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese (312): Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard? (630): I love you bro http://tfl.nu/jz3g
  Replies (10) Good night (3256) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february http://tfl.nu/tz00
  Replies (2) Good night (1094) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness http://tfl.nu/aq74
  Replies (4) Good night (413) Bad night (1153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start. http://tfl.nu/5uu7
  Replies (13) Good night (2300) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left. http://tfl.nu/h7ai
  Replies (3) Good night (1513) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight. http://tfl.nu/gkvw
  Replies (3) Good night (1210) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters. http://tfl.nu/kh3s
  Replies (21) Good night (2074) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/4abm
  Replies (8) Good night (1848) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard. http://tfl.nu/rl99
  Replies (9) Good night (2259) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery http://tfl.nu/njc1
  Replies (8) Good night (1349) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though. http://tfl.nu/5tqm
  Replies (10) Good night (5052) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe http://tfl.nu/mnt3
  Replies (5) Good night (1779) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that? http://tfl.nu/e4u9
  Replies (19) Good night (2583) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d" http://tfl.nu/qasx
  Replies (7) Good night (2766) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  How have you survived this long?

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever. (1-479): How have you survived this long? (479): Dumb luck and a deal with the devil. http://tfl.nu/0es8
  Replies (9) Good night (3088) Bad night (721)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed. http://tfl.nu/np6x
  Replies (5) Good night (1661) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option) http://tfl.nu/d3t6
  Replies (13) Good night (3946) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast. http://tfl.nu/5wgc
  Replies (45) Good night (7325) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me? http://tfl.nu/ppme
  Replies (8) Good night (1900) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Go back and try to find another to go home with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders? (501): Go back and try to find another to go home with. http://tfl.nu/r0ix
  Replies (9) Good night (2345) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever. http://tfl.nu/w4kd
  Replies (7) Good night (2478) Bad night (1081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line. http://tfl.nu/60ef
  Replies (5) Good night (1470) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills http://tfl.nu/vb73
  Replies (10) Good night (1815) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall http://tfl.nu/j51z
  Replies (13) Good night (1134) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming. http://tfl.nu/qk4p
  Replies (4) Good night (1638) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary. http://tfl.nu/ntpi
  Replies (4) Good night (1724) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception. http://tfl.nu/z6mj
  Replies (13) Good night (1762) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Want me to give your number to an army recruiter? (614): I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist? (330): I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us. http://tfl.nu/ti2n
  Replies (6) Good night (3292) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal http://tfl.nu/dg00
  Replies (10) Good night (3348) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma. http://tfl.nu/dkbg
  Replies (37) Good night (4258) Bad night (7242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning. http://tfl.nu/33hl
  Replies (4) Good night (1654) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming http://tfl.nu/8wbb
  Replies (4) Good night (1923) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids http://tfl.nu/uov9
  Replies (4) Good night (768) Bad night (2087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ http://tfl.nu/txmt
  Replies (16) Good night (4769) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Win!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender. (205): Win! http://tfl.nu/0n6n
  Replies (12) Good night (5112) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  you goin out tonight?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  who is this.

  (302): View more from Delaware

  your orgasm for tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): you goin out tonight? (267): who is this. (302): your orgasm for tonight http://tfl.nu/bzdn
  Replies (12) Good night (4915) Bad night (655)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent http://tfl.nu/74gr
  Replies (14) Good night (6233) Bad night (1232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could http://tfl.nu/0a7l
  Replies (36) Good night (11818) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance. http://tfl.nu/l10e
  Replies (5) Good night (1290) Bad night (1103) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.

  (1-916): View more from California

  Try oodles of noodles this time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang. (1-916): Try oodles of noodles this time. http://tfl.nu/ou73
  Replies (8) Good night (2804) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon. http://tfl.nu/zm69
  Replies (34) Good night (8069) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting. http://tfl.nu/1dh0
  Replies (56) Good night (5505) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance. http://tfl.nu/rnd5
  Replies (37) Good night (7544) Bad night (1333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph" http://tfl.nu/ju46
  Replies (31) Good night (2589) Bad night (1679)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles' (301): Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar.. http://tfl.nu/a4j3
  Replies (42) Good night (977) Bad night (5246)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck http://tfl.nu/w3fd
  Replies (18) Good night (1468) Bad night (3555)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit. http://tfl.nu/yb12
  Replies (27) Good night (4323) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding. http://tfl.nu/zvb5
  Replies (1) Good night (1497) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now http://tfl.nu/39yk
  Replies (82) Good night (26536) Bad night (1387)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (50) Good night (29878) Bad night (1110)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost. http://tfl.nu/w01g
  Replies (17) Good night (7139) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed. http://tfl.nu/yrbs
  Replies (7) Good night (813) Bad night (1416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina http://tfl.nu/fhci
  Replies (11) Good night (2741) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life. http://tfl.nu/7ulw
  Replies (15) Good night (786) Bad night (2692)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't. http://tfl.nu/5w3y
  Replies (8) Good night (753) Bad night (2312)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable http://tfl.nu/5ca2
  Replies (15) Good night (6360) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers. http://tfl.nu/uzdb
  Replies (3) Good night (2281) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it. http://tfl.nu/a4tp
  Replies (6) Good night (2715) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (50): View more from

  I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (50): I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious. http://tfl.nu/irod
  Replies (5) Good night (2847) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious" http://tfl.nu/f3vn
  Replies (4) Good night (2789) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up http://tfl.nu/ccq8
  Replies (5) Good night (2527) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet. http://tfl.nu/ytjh
  Replies (7) Good night (1098) Bad night (1606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP http://tfl.nu/52p4
  Replies (12) Good night (2180) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (779): View more from Illinois

  We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (779): We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time.. http://tfl.nu/hdfa
  Replies (2) Good night (2082) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room http://tfl.nu/484e
  Replies (10) Good night (2718) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am http://tfl.nu/yrwz
  Replies (8) Good night (874) Bad night (1516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately. http://tfl.nu/qxtl
  Replies (8) Good night (2250) Bad night (1220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate. http://tfl.nu/fw6h
  Replies (12) Good night (2541) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel. http://tfl.nu/lrsp
  Replies (17) Good night (4236) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Home?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus? (912): Home? http://tfl.nu/7r1y
  Replies (2) Good night (2113) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring http://tfl.nu/m17v
  Replies (4) Good night (1740) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people. http://tfl.nu/uumz
  Replies (24) Good night (5868) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister??? http://tfl.nu/ukzw
  Replies (13) Good night (1818) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star.. http://tfl.nu/hv80
  Replies (9) Good night (2075) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force http://tfl.nu/6fxy
  Replies (4) Good night (2021) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane. http://tfl.nu/mwfa
  Replies (4) Good night (1746) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk. (1-806): Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess. http://tfl.nu/c175
  Replies (15) Good night (2414) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"

  (845): View more from New York

  where do u find these people!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life" (845): where do u find these people!? http://tfl.nu/mb20
  Replies (8) Good night (2630) Bad night (758)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using. http://tfl.nu/4is0
  Replies (6) Good night (1101) Bad night (2998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes. http://tfl.nu/ae5m
  Replies (3) Good night (1998) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs. http://tfl.nu/d9oe
  Replies (9) Good night (3322) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate? (816): um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan http://tfl.nu/0tla
  Replies (11) Good night (7661) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it.. http://tfl.nu/x7yt
  Replies (20) Good night (1432) Bad night (5814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference. http://tfl.nu/xg4w
  Replies (51) Good night (8823) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though. http://tfl.nu/i3qf
  Replies (6) Good night (2360) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant". http://tfl.nu/1jgx
  Replies (9) Good night (1215) Bad night (2655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :( http://tfl.nu/2xc0
  Replies (13) Good night (666) Bad night (2883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner. http://tfl.nu/auiz
  Replies (5) Good night (4664) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool. http://tfl.nu/0qcg
  Replies (42) Good night (12155) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am. http://tfl.nu/mwe3
  Replies (11) Good night (4407) Bad night (1376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me. http://tfl.nu/so2a
  Replies (35) Good night (7484) Bad night (1226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day http://tfl.nu/7iec
  Replies (16) Good night (3446) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen http://tfl.nu/pyhr
  Replies (59) Good night (6422) Bad night (1123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too. http://tfl.nu/vi8f
  Replies (41) Good night (1300) Bad night (7817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (587): View more from Alberta

  His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?

  (587): View more from Alberta

  She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (587): His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl? (780): You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus? (587): She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass. http://tfl.nu/i4m5
  Replies (68) Good night (2172) Bad night (4369)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis http://tfl.nu/mvim
  Replies (17) Good night (1532) Bad night (2669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead? http://tfl.nu/xbgb
  Replies (29) Good night (2216) Bad night (4664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head. http://tfl.nu/789t
  Replies (12) Good night (2760) Bad night (861)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar. http://tfl.nu/lyc1
  Replies (8) Good night (2254) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money." http://tfl.nu/lp5j
  Replies (6) Good night (2205) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients. http://tfl.nu/y7zq
  Replies (5) Good night (1856) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk
  Replies (63) Good night (21450) Bad night (1108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend. http://tfl.nu/lprg
  Replies (10) Good night (5574) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too http://tfl.nu/8x1l
  Replies (27) Good night (6819) Bad night (1298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer http://tfl.nu/m7hl
  Replies (12) Good night (6039) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are. http://tfl.nu/hb6o
  Replies (10) Good night (3462) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex. http://tfl.nu/uspy
  Replies (13) Good night (2788) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date. http://tfl.nu/xryi
  Replies (43) Good night (8089) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  i'm home, then i'll come over

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa

  (514): View more from Quebec

  nvm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): i'm home, then i'll come over (1-514): ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa (514): nvm. http://tfl.nu/kqkd
  Replies (40) Good night (943) Bad night (3047)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA. http://tfl.nu/3qxw
  Replies (5) Good night (1763) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again? http://tfl.nu/p959
  Replies (14) Good night (4536) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  am i morally bankrupt?

  (970): View more from Colorado

  no. its just the recession

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): am i morally bankrupt? (970): no. its just the recession http://tfl.nu/r26w
  Replies (5) Good night (2571) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you http://tfl.nu/x2i9
  Replies (30) Good night (5772) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused." http://tfl.nu/qcvq
  Replies (12) Good night (11354) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (16203) Bad night (1168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after. http://tfl.nu/ay86
  Replies (17) Good night (4485) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off. http://tfl.nu/yt3u
  Replies (10) Good night (2678) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card. http://tfl.nu/fah6
  Replies (47) Good night (4923) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity. http://tfl.nu/5ec6
  Replies (23) Good night (4600) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute. http://tfl.nu/xxsd
  Replies (12) Good night (3440) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have two black x marks on my hands.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

  (971): View more from Oregon

  damnit I wish I could remember that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a
  Replies (58) Good night (26509) Bad night (1261)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose. http://tfl.nu/41p8
  Replies (36) Good night (8994) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night? http://tfl.nu/29mg
  Replies (11) Good night (3642) Bad night (1235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day. http://tfl.nu/phv5
  Replies (4) Good night (2361) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today. http://tfl.nu/sil6
  Replies (10) Good night (10662) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?

  (1-308): View more from Nebraska

  i hate being the asshole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass? (1-308): i hate being the asshole. http://tfl.nu/40d3
  Replies (5) Good night (991) Bad night (2462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway http://tfl.nu/kcow
  Replies (11) Good night (2453) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out. http://tfl.nu/0a1m
  Replies (15) Good night (3054) Bad night (728)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ... http://tfl.nu/68st
  Replies (16) Good night (3112) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer. http://tfl.nu/sbgi
  Replies (3) Good night (2287) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home. http://tfl.nu/jfgz
  Replies (10) Good night (3275) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories" http://tfl.nu/dbqw
  Replies (6) Good night (2609) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar http://tfl.nu/5i2o
  Replies (4) Good night (1090) Bad night (1940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...

  (775): View more from Nevada

  yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me... (775): yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift. http://tfl.nu/mwdt
  Replies (25) Good night (5403) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time (1-732): swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph http://tfl.nu/tobf
  Replies (11) Good night (4634) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (+35): View more from

  i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+35): i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry. http://tfl.nu/d5vb
  Replies (5) Good night (1696) Bad night (1077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/yr6e
  Replies (18) Good night (1390) Bad night (2714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  What color are my eyes?

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Ummmm... 34 C?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): What color are my eyes? (1-519): Ummmm... 34 C? http://tfl.nu/3v5v
  Replies (14) Good night (11441) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe. http://tfl.nu/8iw1
  Replies (13) Good night (2707) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener. http://tfl.nu/h6je
  Replies (12) Good night (1982) Bad night (2572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You can't wash away shame.

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  I can try.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): You can't wash away shame. (1-781): I can try. http://tfl.nu/os07
  Replies (8) Good night (1239) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive http://tfl.nu/067t
  Replies (31) Good night (5655) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me." http://tfl.nu/vnft
  Replies (42) Good night (7784) Bad night (1697)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love http://tfl.nu/i52c
  Replies (12) Good night (5131) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.

  (1-818): View more from California

  Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night. (1-818): Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit. http://tfl.nu/ras5
  Replies (10) Good night (1066) Bad night (7291)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god. http://tfl.nu/nh0e
  Replies (15) Good night (3076) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin. (970): Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right. http://tfl.nu/uxeh
  Replies (18) Good night (915) Bad night (1515)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening http://tfl.nu/c0v1
  Replies (44) Good night (1435) Bad night (6845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Aren't I supposed to sit on your face? http://tfl.nu/tzlx
  Replies (19) Good night (3242) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  dude, osama threatened the US again

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  dude. i slept with your sister last night

  (847): View more from Illinois

  what?

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): dude, osama threatened the US again (1-847): dude. i slept with your sister last night (847): what? (1-847) I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news http://tfl.nu/r4dc
  Replies (26) Good night (5099) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway. http://tfl.nu/z6cq
  Replies (34) Good night (5906) Bad night (1274)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy. http://tfl.nu/np1e
  Replies (3) Good night (3512) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee. http://tfl.nu/oz8w
  Replies (20) Good night (4215) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron. http://tfl.nu/g77l
  Replies (15) Good night (4218) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis http://tfl.nu/8a3h
  Replies (13) Good night (3180) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar. http://tfl.nu/t9uo
  Replies (59) Good night (4961) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage. http://tfl.nu/pzck
  Replies (4) Good night (574) Bad night (2690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you. http://tfl.nu/iycg
  Replies (12) Good night (2361) Bad night (1766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly. http://tfl.nu/8ih5
  Replies (45) Good night (9761) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight. (773): You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal http://tfl.nu/9vmu
  Replies (9) Good night (1566) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs. http://tfl.nu/et1w
  Replies (16) Good night (3513) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back? http://tfl.nu/r4ga
  Replies (4) Good night (1200) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk http://tfl.nu/n8jk
  Replies (19) Good night (6768) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Having a random hookup so left but love u

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Having a random hookup so left but love u http://tfl.nu/w2t3
  Replies (4) Good night (925) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska http://tfl.nu/5za1
  Replies (16) Good night (4436) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them. http://tfl.nu/lm0t
  Replies (38) Good night (6616) Bad night (1745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund. http://tfl.nu/xrnk
  Replies (162) Good night (31643) Bad night (1855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her http://tfl.nu/rdgr
  Replies (24) Good night (8875) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you. http://tfl.nu/6xm5
  Replies (54) Good night (6837) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I think my check liver light just came on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Dude, I think my check liver light just came on http://tfl.nu/539i
  Replies (29) Good night (7714) Bad night (1139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.

  (646): View more from New York

  I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am. (646): I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ. http://tfl.nu/g49z
  Replies (13) Good night (461) Bad night (1029)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it" http://tfl.nu/fy2z
  Replies (41) Good night (13587) Bad night (1312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with http://tfl.nu/jobl
  Replies (82) Good night (2350) Bad night (1988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance. http://tfl.nu/ue6b
  Replies (56) Good night (1291) Bad night (2299)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her! http://tfl.nu/ypk8
  Replies (48) Good night (4499) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre. http://tfl.nu/5g13
  Replies (10) Good night (2862) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families (570): That statement alone makes me laugh so hard. http://tfl.nu/jdb3
  Replies (7) Good night (6113) Bad night (956)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win. http://tfl.nu/almv
  Replies (47) Good night (21940) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  and what did he say?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world. (1-614): and what did he say? (614): there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning. http://tfl.nu/xi47
  Replies (50) Good night (12720) Bad night (1030)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now http://tfl.nu/j96j
  Replies (41) Good night (6267) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party http://tfl.nu/fuoa
  Replies (28) Good night (4756) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later. http://tfl.nu/cmn8
  Replies (6) Good night (2429) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (123) Good night (46604) Bad night (1694)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules http://tfl.nu/muds
  Replies (2) Good night (1331) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  you inspire me to be a worse person

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): you inspire me to be a worse person http://tfl.nu/en33
  Replies (6) Good night (3244) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way. http://tfl.nu/230k
  Replies (16) Good night (7198) Bad night (865)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  dude she's married.

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  so? a ring don't cover no holes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): dude she's married. (1-269): so? a ring don't cover no holes. http://tfl.nu/8xdg
  Replies (42) Good night (4937) Bad night (1443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  never. drinking. again.

  (1-705): View more from Ontario

  lets not get ahead of ourselves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): never. drinking. again. (1-705): lets not get ahead of ourselves. http://tfl.nu/le2c
  Replies (36) Good night (5076) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  69 |D_O

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  wtf does that mean??

  (602): View more from Arizona

  it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): 69 |D_O (1-602): wtf does that mean?? (602): it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently" http://tfl.nu/6ega
  Replies (59) Good night (7241) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): She was not exactly lady-like. Down there. http://tfl.nu/8oh7
  Replies (7) Good night (539) Bad night (1509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on http://tfl.nu/7n7l
  Replies (9) Good night (2773) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits http://tfl.nu/rsyd
  Replies (54) Good night (1145) Bad night (7012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  Mike i'm at church right now...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis... (1-214): Mike i'm at church right now... http://tfl.nu/uslc
  Replies (17) Good night (4121) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks http://tfl.nu/sgso
  Replies (22) Good night (5130) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level. http://tfl.nu/viu0
  Replies (15) Good night (5067) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places? http://tfl.nu/i464
  Replies (39) Good night (6061) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion http://tfl.nu/5o7j
  Replies (15) Good night (5027) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey. http://tfl.nu/7b75
  Replies (15) Good night (3438) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing. http://tfl.nu/9cqq
  Replies (15) Good night (5066) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt http://tfl.nu/m43s
  Replies (32) Good night (967) Bad night (5480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick. http://tfl.nu/cye7
  Replies (9) Good night (3875) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum. http://tfl.nu/5o8q
  Replies (9) Good night (4305) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think... (985): wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb http://tfl.nu/zhoe
  Replies (13) Good night (770) Bad night (1087)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out. http://tfl.nu/zwrd
  Replies (9) Good night (3578) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car. http://tfl.nu/7djn
  Replies (15) Good night (4453) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves. http://tfl.nu/s1g0
  Replies (6) Good night (3204) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x http://tfl.nu/rt6u
  Replies (10) Good night (7780) Bad night (1047)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore http://tfl.nu/bfwd
  Replies (32) Good night (3322) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down. http://tfl.nu/fg57
  Replies (19) Good night (6904) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her. http://tfl.nu/d96s
  Replies (15) Good night (2833) Bad night (5519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  He wasn't the only one with a full load.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket... (1-508): He wasn't the only one with a full load. http://tfl.nu/y8kb
  Replies (24) Good night (6191) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world. http://tfl.nu/egr4
  Replies (31) Good night (6070) Bad night (1961)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (14367) Bad night (1864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break http://tfl.nu/smih
  Replies (3) Good night (2720) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch. http://tfl.nu/syjm
  Replies (57) Good night (16789) Bad night (1010)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place. http://tfl.nu/kait
  Replies (25) Good night (23634) Bad night (997)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty" http://tfl.nu/qrhn
  Replies (17) Good night (6353) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  3.50 mugs at the bar.

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.

  (512): View more from Texas

  How ugly, and does she have friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): 3.50 mugs at the bar. (1-512): Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice. (512): How ugly, and does she have friends? http://tfl.nu/peow
  Replies (40) Good night (557) Bad night (990)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend? http://tfl.nu/hvyw
  Replies (11) Good night (5100) Bad night (1110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands." http://tfl.nu/l3oo
  Replies (17) Good night (9192) Bad night (1398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable http://tfl.nu/8shm
  Replies (13) Good night (3535) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them http://tfl.nu/zk8b
  Replies (7) Good night (2732) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms http://tfl.nu/1qb7
  Replies (27) Good night (11727) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days. http://tfl.nu/h5el
  Replies (25) Good night (4190) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck. http://tfl.nu/nubl
  Replies (11) Good night (507) Bad night (1240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers http://tfl.nu/97ey
  Replies (15) Good night (24373) Bad night (864)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  You should dream of me :)

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm going to dream of single life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): You should dream of me :) (402): I'm going to dream of single life. http://tfl.nu/hb9m
  Replies (24) Good night (785) Bad night (2662)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window. http://tfl.nu/q9w7
  Replies (24) Good night (4915) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  well its been awhile since I've surfed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol (1-813): well its been awhile since I've surfed http://tfl.nu/lkwy
  Replies (4) Good night (1810) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already. http://tfl.nu/bhvw
  Replies (64) Good night (4832) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (61): View more from Australia

  Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (61): Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed http://tfl.nu/qr9l
  Replies (10) Good night (4501) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises. http://tfl.nu/ovsh
  Replies (11) Good night (4518) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!" http://tfl.nu/cmoy
  Replies (23) Good night (4605) Bad night (1758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Why does tequilla always make you text me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate. (240): Why does tequilla always make you text me? http://tfl.nu/qeax
  Replies (13) Good night (3977) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down. http://tfl.nu/7y05
  Replies (26) Good night (1516) Bad night (5635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up. http://tfl.nu/bgl4
  Replies (11) Good night (1260) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over http://tfl.nu/74b2
  Replies (29) Good night (21199) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota http://tfl.nu/qqt8
  Replies (67) Good night (1853) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday? (708): We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us. http://tfl.nu/9z48
  Replies (47) Good night (13806) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality. http://tfl.nu/yabq
  Replies (10) Good night (691) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends http://tfl.nu/5yet
  Replies (77) Good night (7395) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry. http://tfl.nu/gi6e
  Replies (26) Good night (8008) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor. http://tfl.nu/1mpx
  Replies (26) Good night (5890) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault. http://tfl.nu/rtqq
  Replies (20) Good night (1511) Bad night (4318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  operation "beaches make me wet" is a go

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): operation "beaches make me wet" is a go http://tfl.nu/4jca
  Replies (3) Good night (3168) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college. http://tfl.nu/nve2
  Replies (13) Good night (5760) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing." http://tfl.nu/1ant
  Replies (26) Good night (6265) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.

  (480): View more from Arizona

  k i'll be over in 5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds. (1-480): i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice. (480): k i'll be over in 5. http://tfl.nu/rkxl
  Replies (101) Good night (14485) Bad night (1081)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever. http://tfl.nu/md7w
  Replies (30) Good night (11889) Bad night (1028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (118) Good night (44957) Bad night (3384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (182) Good night (51527) Bad night (1870)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (289) Good night (62265) Bad night (4269)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious" http://tfl.nu/kvms
  Replies (4) Good night (2968) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother. http://tfl.nu/cqrd
  Replies (4) Good night (684) Bad night (3518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight. http://tfl.nu/6biy
  Replies (47) Good night (4855) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed. http://tfl.nu/aqi9
  Replies (6) Good night (3610) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  :)

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Wipe that smile off your face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): :) (443): Wipe that smile off your face. http://tfl.nu/iqow
  Replies (28) Good night (6027) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
  Replies (179) Good night (85907) Bad night (3080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  I would love to give you more rug burn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible. (1-313): I would love to give you more rug burn http://tfl.nu/8ela
  Replies (5) Good night (1989) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed. http://tfl.nu/si5q
  Replies (8) Good night (4483) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  You don't think I'm weird or immature right?

  (917): View more from New York City

  No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): You don't think I'm weird or immature right? (917): No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets http://tfl.nu/6cpc
  Replies (40) Good night (4596) Bad night (3845)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears. http://tfl.nu/6ckb
  Replies (14) Good night (4833) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth. http://tfl.nu/f5s8
  Replies (116) Good night (6536) Bad night (1393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell. http://tfl.nu/z3u3
  Replies (21) Good night (6115) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius. http://tfl.nu/w17t
  Replies (20) Good night (6104) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures http://tfl.nu/pect
  Replies (39) Good night (14406) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for? http://tfl.nu/2cqu
  Replies (5) Good night (3515) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9
  Replies (57) Good night (20177) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy. http://tfl.nu/q0bl
  Replies (8) Good night (2870) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style. http://tfl.nu/lnre
  Replies (30) Good night (10662) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came http://tfl.nu/4ft9
  Replies (16) Good night (6987) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on http://tfl.nu/x4cw
  Replies (54) Good night (9933) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music. http://tfl.nu/oyb0
  Replies (24) Good night (7713) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to http://tfl.nu/tvy7
  Replies (59) Good night (4777) Bad night (1092)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  How drunk are you??

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm flawless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): How drunk are you?? (732): I'm flawless. http://tfl.nu/mygo
  Replies (8) Good night (2100) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Will you be topless? That will affect my answer. http://tfl.nu/lf7u
  Replies (19) Good night (6046) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT. http://tfl.nu/52hv
  Replies (39) Good night (4962) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance. http://tfl.nu/vgvp
  Replies (69) Good night (8810) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point. http://tfl.nu/cpsh
  Replies (31) Good night (2295) Bad night (2968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location http://tfl.nu/jdkq
  Replies (16) Good night (9247) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at http://tfl.nu/8c2c
  Replies (4) Good night (674) Bad night (1108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now http://tfl.nu/q56d
  Replies (59) Good night (7614) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"? http://tfl.nu/qjxq
  Replies (7) Good night (4197) Bad night (993)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks... http://tfl.nu/l4e9
  Replies (2) Good night (1061) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman? http://tfl.nu/4514
  Replies (28) Good night (2288) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up. http://tfl.nu/2rkk
  Replies (9) Good night (835) Bad night (3190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties http://tfl.nu/njvs
  Replies (5) Good night (1964) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar. http://tfl.nu/vp4p
  Replies (7) Good night (6203) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  how drunk are you?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  What does that even mean anymore?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): how drunk are you? (952): What does that even mean anymore? http://tfl.nu/4vkm
  Replies (10) Good night (5018) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Thursdays are my worst days

  (1-416): View more from Ontario

  but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Thursdays are my worst days (1-416): but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay? http://tfl.nu/vmle
  Replies (49) Good night (4694) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass. http://tfl.nu/jig4
  Replies (18) Good night (5284) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her http://tfl.nu/en5u
  Replies (48) Good night (2528) Bad night (3213)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze http://tfl.nu/0gjr
  Replies (13) Good night (4131) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero http://tfl.nu/dyje
  Replies (8) Good night (5281) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head (770): Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you http://tfl.nu/ibzk
  Replies (20) Good night (3805) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said

  (770): View more from Georgia

  she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You KNEW her power was out...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said (770): she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to (404): You KNEW her power was out... http://tfl.nu/ggzc
  Replies (39) Good night (11698) Bad night (899)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den. http://tfl.nu/26h2
  Replies (20) Good night (2328) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I hraet yuo

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  did you say you heart me or hate me?

  (518): View more from New York

  who is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I hraet yuo (862): did you say you heart me or hate me? (518): who is this? http://tfl.nu/kdsg
  Replies (18) Good night (3560) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy. http://tfl.nu/bldo
  Replies (18) Good night (7640) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized http://tfl.nu/gtwy
  Replies (53) Good night (4919) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So you're taking me there this weekend?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu (781): So you're taking me there this weekend? (508): oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food. http://tfl.nu/y6ju
  Replies (35) Good night (7348) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  We need to talk about our relationship.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): We need to talk about our relationship. (403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes http://tfl.nu/0ub4
  Replies (20) Good night (8826) Bad night (1271)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had. http://tfl.nu/2xlf
  Replies (28) Good night (7817) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date http://tfl.nu/ynms
  Replies (29) Good night (14271) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf. http://tfl.nu/0na3
  Replies (61) Good night (27989) Bad night (1123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence? http://tfl.nu/hkha
  Replies (23) Good night (1636) Bad night (5016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/hfa7
  Replies (40) Good night (2031) Bad night (2946)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  bc i get to see you. naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid? (203): bc i get to see you. naked. http://tfl.nu/db7h
  Replies (24) Good night (8118) Bad night (1168)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk http://tfl.nu/mdkh
  Replies (3) Good night (1069) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me. http://tfl.nu/tnbf
  Replies (9) Good night (3840) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup. http://tfl.nu/otef
  Replies (13) Good night (4179) Bad night (1287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself. http://tfl.nu/fedc
  Replies (23) Good night (5918) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay. http://tfl.nu/8krm
  Replies (3) Good night (747) Bad night (2662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/ (973): Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room. (859): Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan? http://tfl.nu/hrwu
  Replies (15) Good night (742) Bad night (1124)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Too tired to pretend that I care : (

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over? (773): Too tired to pretend that I care : ( http://tfl.nu/bskc
  Replies (29) Good night (958) Bad night (7740)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present. http://tfl.nu/yqaq
  Replies (21) Good night (4351) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me. http://tfl.nu/79qg
  Replies (57) Good night (4503) Bad night (1121)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out

  (607): View more from New York

  what a beautiful fairy tale

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out (607): what a beautiful fairy tale http://tfl.nu/50v3
  Replies (33) Good night (10659) Bad night (681)